


Cross my Heart

by Lusethxii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Crossdressing Kink, Friends With Benefits, Insecurities, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Smut, This will be a wild ride, a lot of it.., cOULD BE ANY OF THEM, kinda kuroo-centric, like kuroo wtf get it together, minor injury, more drama than i was ready for, random volleyball moments, real slow burn, rip kuroo, shower scenes purely for hygiene, undecided end pair, why did i write you like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 65,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7483110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lusethxii/pseuds/Lusethxii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you ever been kissed?"</p><p>Back then it was nothing. Whatever they did was part curiosity and part thrill. Now Kuroo and Akaashi have a purely physical, feelings-free relationship. Bokuto reenters the picture, and the three of them still share the same chemistry, so nothing should be wrong.</p><p>Except that falling in love isn't a choice, and it's even harder staying a good friend while doing so.</p><p>(Edited summary to be a little more accurate but basically, friends-with-benefits kuroaka and bokuakakuro with too many feelings)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Too Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This fic happens in an AU where they're all working adults. More of the setting is revealed later on. For now there are no warnings to this fic but I'll update as it progresses.))

"Have you ever been kissed?"

Is how Tetsurou asks Akaashi the first time.

That was way back in high school, back when summer was training camps and sharing sliced watermelons with friends. They were teenagers and Tetsurou had asked because he was curious, and whatever he was curious about he would not hold back on. Besides, this was Akaashi, whom at that point he'd known for a good two years - at least, he hoped it was good.

"No." The other boy answers curtly. There might have been a shift in his expression, but the younger boy was quick to hide it.

"Well, I've never been kissed either," Tetsurou shrugs. He didn't really know where he was going with it. He can't remember what sparked the sudden curiosity, anyway. Maybe it was the shoujo manga his classmate loaned him. Maybe it was the teen novels in the library he sometimes picked up. Maybe it was thinking about the girls he had rejected, for practical reasons like he was too busy with school, clubs, and didn't like them that much anyway. He should had let it drop there, but instead he asks

"Can I kiss you then?"

Akaashi spins around and his eyes grow wide. Tetsurou was ready to be rejected, harshly even. He had asked on an impulse, and maybe Akaashi would shoot him a look but after that it would slide and neither of them would bring it up again.

That was how it could've gone, of course.

But Akaashi agrees.

It goes a little awkwardly. Tetsurou didn't really know what he was doing - he was too focused on not bumping their noses and not missing Akaashi's lips to kiss him properly. Their lips press against each other, chaste and reminiscent of the kind of kisses children secretly exchanged on the playground. Akaashi's lips are soft, and a little wet. It wasn't unpleasant, but Tetsurou feels nothing. None of the tingle of electricity that romantic novels promised when the hero and heroin finally lock lips. He wasn't sure whether to feel disappointed or relieved. Maybe they were doing it wrong.

 

* * *

 

And he isn't sure if they are doing it right, now, either.

Tetsurou is sitting at his desk, drumming out a rhythm with his fingers as he reads and rereads the email he just received. He knows he shouldn't let it get to him, but the project had been dragging for three months, and it still feels like they're getting nowhere. Creative work demands ideas, and indecisive clients demand even more. Tetsurou is paid for every hour that he suffers at his desk, but this is starting to be too much. He has lost count of the amount of amendments he had made for the client, with still no idea what they really want. And now, said client just sent a new email.

_Actually, can you go back to the previous version but improve it?_

Tetsurou wants to scream. He doesn't know what they want; he had tried to ask, but they seemed to change their ideas every week. At this rate, he was contemplating gripping the monitor and screaming at it, since he couldn't actually scream into the client's face. But for every ounce of dignity that he still wants to preserve, he restrains himself, instead, pulling out his phone.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** can i come over tonight?

His reply comes a few minutes later.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Yea. Get takeaway.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** will do ;)

Having the prospect of seeing Akaashi later lifts his mood enough to finish off the last few hours of work. After sending off the new copy of their campaign, Tetsurou packs up and gets ready to leave the office. He's glad that at least he doesn't have to stay overtime to meet a deadline. The last time they had to do that had been hell. Well, this is a different kind of hell, but he isn't going to think about it anymore after he knocks off.

 

* * *

 

Akaashi's apartment is quiet when he arrives. It always is. Tetsurou raps his knuckles against the door as he holds a box of takeout in his other hand. The door cracks open.

"Yakisoba?" Akaashi glances at the box. Tetsurou never understands how Akaashi always guesses right.

"Yeap," he nods as Akaashi lets him into the house.

Akaashi's apartment is small, but it doesn't feel cramped because he always keeps it clean. A comfortable beige-coloured couch sits in the living room, with a small coffee table, a television set and a tv console. DVDs are lined up so neatly on the shelves of the tv console that Tetsurou wonders if he ever watches them. Then his eyes follow Akaashi to the kitchen, where he digs for cutlery. The kitchen is a modest size - enough to prepare and cook meals. Akaashi separates the yakisoba into two portions and balances the plates to the coffee table.

"Thanks Akaash." Tetsurou takes his plate and a pair of chopsticks from him.

Akaashi settles next to him on the couch and starts eating as well.

"Is it work?" Akaashi says through a mouthful of food. Tetsurou always wonders how he manages to do that. On some days he could choke on his spit alone, yet Akaashi never had problems.

"Yea," Tetsurou looks back at his food. "It's just...shitty now, I guess."

"I see," Akaashi mumbles.

It suddenly dawns on Tetsurou that he doesn't know much about Akaashi's work. He doesn't know if he gets along with his colleagues and whether his work drains him the same way Tetsurou's does. But Akaashi never speaks about it either, and Tetsurou doesn't know if he should ask. Before he realises it, Akaashi has finished his food and is getting up to wash his cutlery. Tetsurou quickly finishes up the last few bites and trails after Akaashi to the kitchen.

He sets his plate down in the sink, where Akaashi has began soaping the dishes and running the water. He tries to think of something to say but his eyes are wandering. Akaashi is wearing a black shirt with sleeves that end just below his elbows and a pair of white shorts. At their close proximity, the nape of his neck is clearly visible, and Tetsurou swallows thinking of what he wants to do to him. He slides a hand around Akaashi's waist, and hears his breath catch when Tetsurou presses his lips against his neck.

"Kuroo..." Akaashi says softly.

This is where it stops. This is where their whole pretense of hanging out falls through. Tetsurou knows, and he doesn't try to resist.

"Let's go to the bedroom after this," he says, letting his breath tickle Akaashi's ear in the way he knows would make him shiver.

"After this," Akaashi repeats, running water over the dishes and his hands.

 

* * *

 

Once he settles on the bed Tetsurou pulls Akaashi onto his lap and tilts his head up to kiss him. Their lips slide over each other with practiced familiarity, pulling and biting in ways that made heat pool at the pit of Tetsurou's gut.

This is what going to Akaashi's place really means for Tetsurou. Not watching whatever movie is playing on television with microwaved popcorn in their lap. Not the hanging out they try to do. Not when this is, Tetsurou thinks, is so much better.

The room starts to feel warm around him and he instinctively reaches for his shirt to peel it off. Akaashi leans into his bare chest, pressing kisses into his neck.

"Akaashi..." Tetsurou groans. He's going for his weakness right off the bat.

But it's not like Tetsurou doesn't know Akaashi's weaknesses too.

Tetsurou reaches his hand out and presses his palm against the front of Akaashi's white shorts. The reaction is almost immediate - Akaashi's hips buck into his hand and and he lets out a soft moan.

For a moment their eyes lock, and Akaashi gives a silent nod of approval before Tetsurou's hands are dipping below the waistband and wrapping around his erection.

"Ah- Kuroo..." Akaashi sighs.

Tetsurou gives his cock a few jerks and watches the man shudder under his touch. Slender, tan fingers come up to Tetsurou's pants, popping the button open and pulling down the zipper. A breath catches in Tetsurou's throat. Their eyes meet again, and this time instead of the sharp stares Akaashi had watched Tetsurou with earlier, his eyes are glazed over with lust.

Tetsurou pulls Akaashi off his lap and pushes him onto the bed, pinning him under him.

And he stares. He takes in Akaashi's rumpled clothes, the peek of blush that blooms from his chest, lips red from kissing, disheveled hair and glazed eyes. Tetsurou's eyes are wide, pupils blown and dilated. He only snaps out of it when Akaashi nudges him impatiently.

"Oh...right." Tetsurou pulls away reluctantly to reach towards the nightstand where he knows Akaashi keeps the things they need. After a few seconds he returns with a bottle of lube and a condom.

While Tetsurou was busy, Akaashi had kicked off his clothes into a pile beside the bed. Tetsurou stills when he sees him, relishing in the way Akaashi's tan skin burns with a warm flush.

"Kuroo," Akaashi tugs at the pants that are still hanging on his hips.

Tetsurou quickly kicks them off along with his boxers, letting them rest with the rest of their abandoned clothes on the floor. They can worry about them later.

He pops open the bottle of lube, spreading a generous amount over his fingers. Akaashi watches him, running a tongue over his red lips. Shifting himself closer to the younger man, Tetsurou presses a hand onto Akaashi's thigh, tracing the sensitive skin and gently spreading his legs. His other hand rubs against Akaashi's hole, making him hiss. Then, Tetsurou presses into it and Akaashi tenses at the burn.

"Relax," Tetsurou says softly, and Akaashi wants to retort 'I know' but instead he focuses on breathing. When Tetsurou feels that he's ready, he adds another finger and begins moving them to ease him up.

"Ah...ah fuck," Akaashi moans, hands clenching at the sheets around him.

Tetsurou adds a third finger and Akaashi throws his head back. The tension shoots up his spine, nerves flaring and he struggles to breathe evenly.

"Do you want it?" Tetsurou teases, curling his fingers as he stroked Akaashi.

"Fuck! Ah-" Akaashi lets out a cry. "Fuck me..."

As much as Tetsurou would love to tease Akaashi, he can feel his own needs getting impatient. Tetsurou withdraws his fingers from Akaashi, reaching for a condom instead. He slips it on and lubes himself up, while Akaashi's eyes follow him lazily.

Then Tetsurou pushes into him.

A moan rips from Akaashi's throat. Tetsurou grunts at the tightness, the pressure and the heat that presses back. Then he starts to move and Akaashi does too, rolling his hips with Tetsurou's rhythm, hungry for more of him.

"Ah...ahhh..." Akaashi sighs, pulling his arms to wrap around Kuroo, digging his fingers into his back.

"Keiji," Tetsurou breaths as he grips his hands firmly around Akaashi's hips. His thrusts had started slow, but as they get used to it he starts going faster.

"Fuck yes... faster, Tetsurou..." Akaashi's moan encourages Tetsurou, who shifts his hips, trying to find that sweet spot that he knew would make Akaashi crumble.

"Hah...shit," Tetsurou lets out a curse when he loses his rhythm trying to change his angle but Akaashi makes up for it, pushing his hips harder against Tetsurou's.

"Aah- fuck!" Akaashi moans loudly when Tetsurou finds his weakness, vibrations travelling up his spine and sending his head pressing into the bed.

Tetsurou groans loudly as he feels Akaashi clench and his fingers dig hard enough to bruise.

"More, more ah- fuck, fuck!" Akaashi's voice dissolves into a garbled mess, but Tetsurou knows what he wants, and he doesn't stop. He gathers his rhythm again, fucking against Akaashi's prostate and relishing in the shameless moans and tightness around his cock. He doesn't stop fucking Akaashi, not until the pressure that builds at his gut starts to hurt, seeking for a release. Then he's pressing against Akaashi, throwing his head into the crook of his neck and crying out.

 

After they come down from their high, Tetsurou pulls away from Akaashi, disposing of the condom and gathering tissues to clean them off. Then he plops down next to Akaashi again and wraps his arms around the younger man.

"Feeling better?" Akaashi quips.

"Yeap," Tetsurou answers, a smile tugging lazily at his lips. Akaashi rolls his eyes, but presses against Tetsurou anyway.

Tetsurou knows Akaashi is indulging him. Sometimes they won't even cuddle after sex; because well, they aren't together. He doesn't know what to really call them. Tetsurou and Akaashi aren't dating. They're just friends, who also fuck. He loves how casual the idea of it is, but sometimes he wishes he can hold Akaashi against him just a bit longer.

 

Just as he starts to settle into the embrace his phone rings.

Akaashi clicks his tongue in annoyance and Tetsurou mutters an apology as he dives to reach for it on the nightstand. He pauses just as he's about to answer the call.

It's Bokuto.

The phone is still ringing, and Akaashi's glare grows more apparent the longer he lets it sit unanswered. So he picks up the call, finally cutting off the ringing tone and settles down next to Akaashi.

"Hey Bokuto!" Tetsurou chirps. He watches as Akaashi's face morph into one of surprise. Tetsurou shoots him a grim smile at the timing.

"Hey hey hey Kuroo!" Bokuto's voice blasts from the line, and Kuroo has to readjust the volume so his ears won't hurt, but the bright voice fills his chest with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

"Yea man, what's up?" Tetsurou prompts. He had missed Bokuto, and wonders where he is. Ever since Bokuto joined the national team, he had to travel a lot when it was games season.

"Heheheh, guess who's coming back to Japan ahead of schedule!" He can practically feel Bokuto's grin from here.

"Bro!" Tetsurou can't help breaking into a smile.

"Yea! I'm taking the flight tonight and I'd be back in Japan by tomorrow!"

"Sweet!"

"Yea, okay I gotta tell Akaashi too," Bokuto rambles excitedly.

Just then, Akaashi, who had been staying perfectly silent, lets out a soft cough.

"Hmm? Is someone with you?" Trust Bokuto to pick up on it.

Tetsurou peers at Akaashi, who swallows and nods.

"Oh, well actually Akaashi's here," Tetsurou answers.

"Really? Why didn't you say so? Put me on speaker quick!"

"Alright, alright," Tetsurou laughs, pulling the phone away from his ear to switch to speaker mode.

"Akaashi! Akaashi are you there?" Bokuto's bright voice carries over.

"Yes I am, Bokuto-san," Akaashi replies. He can't help feeling his chest swell with fondness at the familiar voice over the line. It's been months since they've seen each other, and they haven't had much time for phonecalls either.

"Why didn't you say so earlier! I could've told both of you together!" Bokuto whines. They can envision the way he deflates against his phone, mouth pulling into a pout.

"Sorry, I was in the washroom," Akaashi lies.

"Hmm? Are you guys hanging out together?"

"It would appear so," Akaashi answers dryly.

"But what are you guys doing?" Bokuto presses.

Tetsurou casts a quick glance at them - well, not cuddling anymore at least, but still, they're laying in bed completely naked. They need a lie.

"Watching a movie," Akaashi answers. The lie rolls off his tongue easily and Tetsurou stares at him in amazement. "Or was, it just ended." He adds quickly when he realises it's too quiet for a movie to be playing.

"Oh...how was it?"

Tetsurou knows that Bokuto's curiosity is normal, but he feels his gut twist uneasily.

"Kuroo dropped the popcorn," Akaashi says.

"H-hey! The jumpscare caught me off guard!" Tetsurou starts, playing along easily enough.

"Hahaha! You shouldn't let him hold the popcorn!" Bokuto's laugh erupts from the phone.

"Yea, I shouldn't," Akaashi sounds defeated, but Tetsurou knows he's relieved because Bokuto seems to have gotten enough answers from them and starts filling Akaashi in on the news of his arrival in Japan.

"That's great, Bokuto-san," Akaashi says. "We'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeap! Goodnight, Akaashi! Goodnight, Kuroo!"

"Goodnight, Bokuto-san."

"Night, bro."

 

When Tetsurou finally puts down the phone, they sigh in relief. He knows it's not like Bokuto can see them through the phone, but he feels like he could. This whole thing Akaashi and him had was something Bokuto didn't know. It had started in college, when the two went to the same school while Bokuto was scouted and trained vigorously. During that time, as much as the three tried, it was never as easy as it had been in high school. Back then, seeing each other was just extra stops on the train and footsteps trailing similar neighbourhoods in Tokyo. In college, schedules were erratic and Bokuto's training gave little slack for any chance of a quick getaway. So they kept to texting and the occasional meet-ups. Then, once Bokuto joined the national team, he started travelling to trainings and games with other teams.

In a way, Bokuto's absence from their life had inevitably pulled the two closer.

But maybe a bit too close, Tetsurou thinks, because it's not even something he can explain to Bokuto.

Akaashi shifts beside him and Tetsurou watches as he gets up to put on a shirt and a pair of boxers. He does this almost all the time - Akaashi always says it gets cold. Tetsurou gets up to grab a shirt and boxers too, though he usually doesn't bother. Having that phonecall bring attention to his indecency however, made him feel the obligation to cover up. After they get dressed, they settle back into bed, pulling up the covers around them.

They're lying beside each other, but they're barely touching. There's a silence that Tetsurou knows not to break. He glances over at Akaashi, and notices that he's wearing another one of Tetsurou's shirts again. Akaashi's argument is that his shirts are more worn out, and therefore more comfortable. Tetsurou knows it's true - he's had some of them for five years, and they've been through the wash enough times that they are faded and fraying, just on the brink of having to be thrown out, which make the perfect sleep shirt. Yet somewhere in his head he wishes there's a little more to Akaashi's excuse, because Tetsurou finds the way his shirts drape around his shoulders, the fit a little loose, just the slightest bit alluring.

Tetsurou pushes that thought to the back of his head, turns on his side of the bed and closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna say in advance that this will be a really angsty fic and everyone probably cries at least once. I've always wanted to write a fic with complicated relationships so yea. Platonic relationships are still important though, so keep that in mind. Also, while I've planned ahead the endgame pairing is still undecided so...root for your favourite :')  
> Or maybe you just want everyone to be happy, which I do too, I swear.


	2. Only Jetlag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto is important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually already have a few chapters written, so I'll try to update as soon as they're edited and ready.

They go to pick up Bokuto from the airport just before noon. The sky is cloudless and coloured with a strong blue that burns with an intensity befitting of summer. Keiji and Kuroo sit in the arrival hall, after checking Bokuto's flight number and finding out the belt number to wait at. They don't say anything to each other, instead keeping their eyes peeled on the arrival gates. Then, Bokuto bursts through it, bustling with a trail of luggage - months' worth, definitely. A grin breaks across his face and it feels bright like the mid-summer sun, and Keiji and Kuroo get up to hug him. They throw their arms around him, pressing their faces into the sides of white and black hair - an eccentric combination, but something they hold dear anyway. Keiji isn't sure what he mumbles into Bokuto's shoulder, or if he hears him at all. But he knows the words pull from deep within his chest; crevices where he had bottled up days spent searching for that obnoxious hair, golden eyes and boisterous laugh. He doesn't know what Kuroo is feeling, but the way he holds Bokuto close without saying a word seems to express a similar sentiment.

They've missed him. They've missed him every time he was gone.

When they break apart and start talking, it feels like they've transversed back in time. Back to summer many years ago, high school summer. Summers that had been spent carelessly and had passed too easily. Keiji wants to think they're still the same. But he knows now it's not just about which side of the court scores the point or who passes the most subjects. There are now more and more things, things that they don't share with each other anymore, but try to anyway.

That's how their conversations feel like.

 

"So, how many serves did you miss?" Kuroo teases while Bokuto splutters.

"N-not that many! And it's normal to have serve misses during a game!" He huffs. "Anyway I'm a national player, alright? So leave me alone!"

"Bokuto-san, I hope you're not heading for a national record with your serve misses," Keiji jabs.

Kuroo bursts into laughter.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto cries. "Why won't you ever back me up?"

"There's no need to." Keiji blinks. "You're enough without needing to be backed up."

"Huh? Wait, Akaashi was that a compliment?" Bokuto's eyes grow wide. When Keiji doesn't answer, he turns to Kuroo. "Kuroo! Did Akaashi just compliment me? Oi, Kuroo!"

"Hahaha national record...of serve misses! Definitely sounds like you, Bo." Kuroo struggles to contain his raucous laugh.

"So!" Bokuto interjects, casting a dirty glance at Kuroo before restarting with new emphasis. "What have you guys been up to?"

"Hm? Well, just the usual." Keiji shrugs. He thinks to say that he can't possibly have anything more interesting than what Bokuto can offer, but bites back on it.

"I've been working on the same project for three months." Kuroo deadpans.

"Haha, tough one bro!" Bokuto slaps Kuroo on the back. "Good luck with it!"

"Thanks," Kuroo mutters bitterly.

 

Bokuto's absence from their life had been hard to get used to. After Keiji graduates, he goes to the same college and shares a dorm with Kuroo. As busy as college keeps them, they still find odd hours of the day where it feels strangely quiet, with only ghosts of that familiar loud voice. Keiji finds many nights of Kuroo holding his phone and studying the post-it notes of Bokuto's schedule, counting the timezones and wondering if a call at the time would be inconvenient. Keiji also finds himself drafting letters instead of writing essays, even though Bokuto hadn't even returned their last one.

They know Bokuto is moving upwards and forwards, towards better opportunities - chances he'd earned himself. His plays and his position as the nation's top five aces had earned him the attention of various scouts, and he finally decided to pursue a professional career in volleyball. They are proud of him. He had put heart and soul, and still maybe a little more, into practising hard and it all paid off.

Maybe it sometimes feels like Bokuto is moving away from them. He is advancing to bigger stadiums and to even more prestigious games than they've ever played in high school. After the doors to the gym closed for the last time in Keiji's face, he spends the rest of his time with feet planted firmly on the ground and fingers to a pencil or keyboard and never a volleyball ever again. He'd left it behind, and he's fine with that.

 

"Kuroo, do you still play volleyball?" Bokuto pipes up as they pile his luggage into the elevator.

"Well sometimes we gather the old Nekoma team for a few games." Kuroo shrugs.

"Heheh Kuroo, I'm sure I can still spike pass your blocks!" Bokuto challenges.

"Oh yea? Don't forget the times I've shut you down too!"

Keiji seeks out the directory while they banter, finding a few food chains and punching in the number for the floor. Then the elevator descends, sinking past more levels of luggage belts and arrival halls than Keiji will ever set foot on.

 

Despite everything they try to do, it doesn't feel enough. The oceans of distance are something Keiji knows he can't cross. He feels inadequate and lonely.

Then one day, Kuroo brings up the two-second kiss they had shared in high school, and asks Keiji if he would like to try again. He adds that it's stupid, he knows. They don't even like each other that way, and Kuroo thought all the romance novels he had read were pretentious. But Keiji entertains him, and he wasn't sure if it was out of loneliness or spite. Spite at the world for pulling them so far apart from their beloved friend and at having dug his feet so deep and comfortably in a mundane trap. Maybe this will be the only thrill he feels from now on. So they kiss again. This time it's different. They aren't teenagers sitting in an empty gym during summer camp, sharing an illicit kiss that anyone could walk in on anytime. They are college students - probably old enough to begin calling adults. And they are in their shared dorm, a room no one else would intrude on, not without having to knock.

So they take it further.

Kuroo wraps his arms around Keiji's waist, pulling him closer as he kisses against his mouth. Keiji pulls his arms around Kuroo's neck, pressing hands into dark hair. Their lips press against each other, and Keiji is acutely aware of how wet the kiss felt. It doesn't seem to feel anything more than that, so he tries harder. He opens his mouth. Kuroo takes the invitation, though tentatively. He pushes his tongue into Keiji's mouth, running it along the inside of his mouth.

Keiji moans. This is something, he thinks.

Keiji doesn't think romance is any less superficial. There are never fireworks when they kiss. But after that they continue to experiment, pushing into new boundaries; letting the combination of lips, tongue, teeth and hands stir the faintest sense of ecstasy. Until they begin to taste the smoky trails of those fireworks.

It keeps them alive, he thinks. Alive through all the moments stress and work overwhelms him, alive through nights where he feels too lonely to fall asleep. He doesn't know what they are, and he wants to call them friends but he isn't sure he should.

He isn't sure because now when they sit across the couch from each other, he feels Kuroo's eyes on him. When they talk he wonders how long their conversation can hold before Kuroo lets his hands do the talking. And when their eyes lock he feels like he's being undressed. He isn't sure any of that is healthy to call friendship, but he can't find it in him to protest either. Not when Kuroo is so good, and his body so honest.

 

Now Bokuto is back again. They're sitting down for lunch with his luggage piled high on the seat next to Kuroo.

Suddenly, there's a lull in the conversation and Bokuto's eyes are watching them, darting back and forth between the two. Keiji needs to find something to say - something for them to go off on, something to put them back into the flow. But all his mind supplies are guilty confessions. Confessions to the lies he and Kuroo told Bokuto last night. Confessions to his and Kuroo's illicit relationship. He suddenly finds that he can't meet Bokuto's eyes. Kuroo speaks up instead, and Keiji breathes a silent thanks.

"How was the food in America?"

"Ugh their convenience stores don't even sell pork buns!" Bokuto whines, resting his chin on the table. "I miss Japan convenience stores!"

"Don't you get food sponsors? Or expenses?" Kuroo quips, eyeing his friend.

"But what if I want a snack late at night?" Bokuto argues.

"Maybe we should get him pork buns instead," Keiji suggests as he peers at the menu from their seat.

"No, wait! I want a beef bowl!" Bokuto shoots up in his seat. "Akaashi, get me a beef bowl!"

"Hm?" Keiji eyes him suspiciously.

"I uh...I don't know where my wallet is..." Bokuto shoots a quick glance at his stuffed bags and grins sheepishly.

"Of course, you won't remember where you packed it," Keiji rolls his eyes as Kuroo barks a laugh. The two get up to order their food while Bokuto sits at the table, smiling at the thought of being home again.

When they return with the food, two beef bowls and one salmon bowl, Bokuto looks up.

"Ohhh thanks Akaash!" He says as he takes the bowl from Keiji's tray. "I'll pay you later when I find my wallet."

"You don't have to, it's my treat today, Bokuto-san." Keiji takes his seat next to him.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto looks touched. "Oh yea! Did I tell you guys I'll be in Japan for the next six months?"

"You did not." Keiji blinks in surprise. "Wow, that's a long time."

"Yea! They decided to give me a break after a long season; I'll have light training for the next two months, and then regular training after that. Anyway, I'll be in Japan until...probably new years!"

"Shit, that's great! We can spend more time together." Kuroo breaks into a smile. "I've missed you so much, bro."

"Me too!" Bokuto responds. The two rise from their seats and try to hug across the table, while Keiji quickly pushes Bokuto's shirt back before it gets into his rice.

After they finish up their meal, Kuroo gets a text on his phone. His face twists as he reads it.

"Yikes." Kuroo clicks his tongue. "Okay I gotta go, Yakkun's gonna kick my sorry ass if I'm late."

"Oh you're meeting Yaku-san?" Bokuto looks up as Kuroo rises from his seat.

"Yea, Yaku and Kenma." Kuroo slings his bag over his shoulder and casts a glance at Keiji.

"I'll help Bokuto-san with his things, you should go, Kuroo," Keiji assures. Bokuto looks between them. Keiji turns his attention back to Bokuto, giving him a gentle smile.

"Let's get you and your things home, you must be tired."

 

* * *

 

Keiji is glad that Bokuto finds his keys within ten minutes of standing outside his apartment. Bokuto's apartment is bigger than Keiji's or Kuroo's, even though he is away most of the time. The house is still the same way Bokuto had left it - magazines and comics scattered on his coffee table, trophies and photoframes lining the shelves, as well as little trinkets from the different places Bokuto had visited. It feels like Bokuto had just left yesterday. But the magazines are issues from months ago, and the one plant by the window had started to wilt. Keiji carries the luggage into the living room, setting them against the wall, and opens the windows to let fresh air into the house.

While Bokuto throws himself facedown into the couch.

"I'm so tired!"

"Didn't you sleep on the flight?" Keiji glances at the wilted lump on the couch, who plucks their head from where it's buried in the pillows to continue talking.

"I did..but it was a morning flight! So I watched a few movies instead. But like, when I reached Japan it's noon... but it's the next day? Like a _whole_ day passed and-" Bokuto plants his face back into the couch. "Ughhhhhh"

Keiji rolls his eyes.

"That's jetlag, Bokuto-san. Aren't you used to it by now?"

"I still don't like long flights, it's tiring!" Bokuto whines. Then, as an afterthought, " _and_ boring! There's absolutely nothing to do!"

"Well if you're tired, you can sleep. But you should take a shower first," Keiji suggests.

Bokuto groans as he quite literally drags himself to the bathroom. Keiji goes to the kitchen, where he sets the kettle to boil and picks out expired food from the fridge and places them in the trash. He'll need to do some grocery shopping later. Maybe they will find Bokuto's wallet when they unpack. Since Bokuto isn't done yet, Keiji sits down in the living room again. As much as he behaves like it's his home, the truth is that he hadn't been around that much. He's more familiar with Kuroo's home, having stayed over countless times. It's weird. The white marble floors, the dark wood coffee table, matching tv console and chocolate-coloured sofa should be familiar. After all, he had been so close to Bokuto in high school.

Maybe it's because the ceiling is a little higher, the windows a little taller. Or the space too large, the steps from the living room to the kitchen too many. He can't quite place his finger on it. The space feels too big, and too empty. He blames it on the house not being lived in for the past few months.

 

The door to the bathroom slams open as Bokuto emerges, half-dressed with his hair a messy mop of white and black.

"Remember to dry your hair before you sleep," Keiji calls, knowing Bokuto would plop straight onto his bed otherwise.

He catches a grumble, but Bokuto towels his hair dry before crawling into bed. Keiji walks over to peer into his bedroom.

"Get some rest, I'll help you unpack what I can," he says gently.

"Mhm, goodnight Akaash..." Bokuto mumbles sleepily.

"It's the middle of the afternoon but- yea, sleep well, Bokuto-san." Keiji smiles before he heads back to the living room where piles of luggage lie.

Keiji starts with the largest luggage bag - a wheeled suitcase. As expected, when he pops it open, it's a mess. Articles of clothing have been crumpled up and thrown in, with small items wedged in between the little crevices. He sighs, thinking of Bokuto packing everything at the last minute, possibly using brute force to make them fit. Picking out the items slowly, Keiji splits them into piles - things that can go back into the wardrobe and things that probably need washing. As he clears off the haphazardly packed pieces, he notices there are a number of shirts that have been rolled up neatly. It seems that someone on his team had taught him how to pack and Keiji gives them his silent gratitude. Those shirts can go into the wardrobe.

After what seems like an hour, Keiji ends up with one pile visibly larger than the other - the pile that needs washing. He lets that sit on the floor while he works on folding up the clean items so Bokuto can pack them into his wardrobe when he wakes up. After that it's the miscellaneous items left in the suitcase. He isn't sure what to do about those, so he just sorts them out into piles on the coffee table. As he does, he realises Bokuto had bought souvenirs. Keiji blinks in surprise - he hadn't really expected souvenirs from Bokuto's trip, since it wasn't a holiday. Knowing Bokuto, it's probably something cliche from the usual souvenir shop that Keiji will inevitably leave on his shelf with little use for. But the gesture means that Bokuto had thought of them while he was away, and as silly as it feels he smiles a little. Keiji leaves the souvenir items in the suitcase, letting Bokuto sort them out himself. He moves onto the duffel bag, picking out more articles of clothing and some electronics. Keiji leaves Bokuto's personal backpack alone - it'll be better to let Bokuto unpack that himself.

Feeling like he had unpacked what he could, Keiji settles beside the piles of Bokuto's clothing, props his feet up against the coffee table and switches on the TV.

The afternoon is full of drama reruns, and Keiji tunes into one he knows nothing about, but manages to follow anyway. It's another family drama with a hectic battle for their grandfather's inheritance. When the episode gets to the part where the skewed aunt tries to sabotage the will, Bokuto emerges from his bedroom, yawning loudly.

"Akaashi...what are you watching?"

The youngest son, who was brutally fired from his job, approaches his older brother for help and is coldly refused. Now he's dragging his feet back to the one-bedroom apartment he shares with his family of five to break the terrible news to them - that they might be homeless soon.

"Damn..." Keiji mutters under his breath. Then he notices the movement behind him and turns to see Bokuto standing behind the couch.

"What's that show?" He asks again.

"I...I don't know what it's called." Keiji answers. That skewed couple deserves some form of retribution, and the youngest brother deserves better. He doesn't say that, though. "I've unpacked some of your stuff. You can pack your clean clothes back into your wardrobe but I think the ones here should be washed."

"Oh thanks, Akaashi!" Bokuto picks up the clean clothes and carries them back to his room. When he returns, Keiji tells him that he had left the other items for him to unpack. Bokuto nods and sweeps all the loose items into the suitcase, zips it up and pushes it to a corner of the room.

"Tomorrow," he assures with a sheepish smile. Keiji rolls his eyes because he doesn't know what else to expect.

Bokuto collapses on the sofa next to Keiji, bumping their shoulders. As advertisements roll onto the screen, Keiji tears his eyes away from the screen to look at Bokuto. His eyes pause on his face - at their close proximity, Keiji can pick out the little wrinkles and eyebags that have worked their way onto Bokuto's face in the past few months. He wonders how hard his training is, and whether Bokuto stays up late. In his calls and messages, Bokuto never talks about how hard training is. Probably, he enjoys the challenge. Instead, Bokuto tells them about interesting opponents he had met or the cool things he did in a game.

Sometimes, he texts Keiji when he's in a slump. He still gets those. But with how much Bokuto travels and their mismatching timezones, Keiji isn't always awake at the other end of the line to help Bokuto feel better. Keiji knows this, but he still feels a pang of guilt when he has to tell Bokuto that he was sorry that he was asleep, and that he hoped Bokuto was feeling alright. Bokuto says it's fine, and Keiji hopes the lack of messages means that he is learning to pick himself up.

"Hey Akaashi," Bokuto says suddenly. "Just now you called Kuroo 'Kuroo'."

"Because that is his name...?" Keiji raises an eyebrow.

"You used to call him 'Kuroo-san'."

"Oh." Keiji breathes. He doesn't remember when it happened, but one day Kuroo had told him to drop the honorific since they were no longer in high school, and friends shouldn't need formalities like that. "Yea Kuroo told me to just call him 'Kuroo'."

Bokuto remains silent, so Keiji adds

"Do you want me to call you 'Bokuto' too?"

He nods slowly.

"Okay then, Bokuto." Keiji cracks a small smile.

 

* * *

 

Keiji gets takeout for dinner. As they sit down to eat, Bokuto tells him about his time in America. He doesn't just talk about the games; he talks about the places he had visited and the things he saw. Keiji lets him ramble, listening with keen interest. It's all new to Keiji, hearing about a place he had never been to.

"Bokuto, how's your English though?" Keiji asks. He can't quite remember how Bokuto did for English in school, but imagines him struggling in America.

"Heheh let me demonstrate," Bokuto gloats. He clears his throat loudly, picks a piece of fry off his plate and says, with utmost seriousness in English

" _This is a pen._ "

Keiji snorts. Then he breaks out laughing. Keiji wants to say "that's not even a pen, Bokuto" but he can't get his chuckles under control. He doesn't even know why it makes him laugh so hard - he was just caught off guard by the sudden reappearance of that elementary phase, and Bokuto speaking it in all seriousness and perfect enunciation. Bokuto looks pleased to have made Keiji laugh, his cheeks tinged pink with pride.

"Sorry, I just-" Keiji lets out a cough to clear his throat. "Okay, your English is good."

"Told ya!" Bokuto beamed. "And don't be sorry! I'm glad I made you laugh!"

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

"Hey! I told you to call me 'Bokuto'." Bokuto asserts. "Anyway, you seemed moody, so I'm glad I cheered you up!"

"Moody?" Keiji frowns. "I'm just the usual."

"It's just...you seem not really happy?" Bokuto muses, trying to find the right words.

Keiji wonders how Bokuto had came to that conclusion. But spending today with Bokuto and laughing at a silly joke for too long made him feel a certain sense of relief. He felt carefree, like it didn't really matter what a deadend job he had, not when Bokuto could share even a little of his energy and life with Keiji.

It was a feeling he hadn't had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure that joke is funny anymore. Well, it was funny when I first imagined it but now honestly it's pretty lame but hey...Akaashi laughed. Also the drama was based on the many...many...similar dramas I've personally witnessed on TV.


	3. Good Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends and good times. Or, card games with psychological warfare and snacks.

Tetsurou quite literally bursts through the doors, drawing the attention of nearly everyone in the cafe to his sweat-plastered face. But late is late, and Yaku shoots him a dirty look as the dark-haired man drags himself apologetically to their table.

"Sorry, Bokuto came back earlier and-" Tetsurou begins as he takes his seat.

"No, how long was he late for?" Yaku glances at Kenma, who had only looked up from his phone once, when Tetsurou appeared.

"Forty minutes," he answers.

Tetsurou winces.

"You said you'll make it a quick lunch, then you'll just catch a train and make it on time." Yaku raises an eyebrow.

Despite the other man's shorter stature, Tetsurou feels a little intimidated.

"I thought the trains were faster," he whimpers, sinking into his seat. He admits that the whole idea had been poorly planned. He thought he would leave an hour after Bokuto's flight landed and that there would be little delay in waiting for the trains. Boy was he wrong.

"You could've just postponed it if you couldn't make it," Yaku rolls his eyes. "Then you could've spent the day with Bokuto too."

Tetsurou grimaces. It  _had_ cross his mind to postpone this meet-up, but he had already put off seeing them for more than a month, so he thought he really shouldn't. Besides, no matter how mean Yaku and Kenma seemed at times, they were still his friends.

"Let him go, Kuro has been late for longer," Kenma says finally, setting his phone down on the table.

"Thanks Kenma," Tetsurou grins. Kenma doesn't smile back, but Yaku seems less upset.

 

It's been a while since Tetsurou had seen the two in person. Kenma and Yaku were room mates, so they saw each other frequently enough. Tetsurou, however, lived alone in a different part of Tokyo. He could - and probably should - visit them more often but he always grumbles about how their apartment isn't close to the station at all. So today they had opted to meet outside, and conveniently Kenma had wanted to try the desserts in this cafe, so they decided to meet up here.

 

Unfortunately, with Tetsurou's amazing punctuality, Kenma had already gone through one dessert. He says he can take another, though, but Tetsurou has to pay for it.

Tetsurou fishes out his wallet, pulls out a 1000 yen note and presses that into Kenma's palm.

"Get me a drink too," he adds.

"That won't be enough," Kenma says plainly.

Tetsurou tries not to feel petty as he hands Kenma another 1000 yen note. Yaku is smirking from across the table, apparently finding gratification in Tetsurou's suffering. Meanwhile, Kenma heads to the counter to order another dessert and a drink for Tetsurou.

"So Kuroo...are you seeing Akaashi-kun?" Yaku quips.

The question catches Tetsurou off-guard, and he splutters in response.

"Come on, the whole dorm could smell the sexual tension between you two." Yaku rolls his eyes.

Tetsurou frowns; Yaku was right. Even if they acted like normal friends in public, escaping early from parties and sometimes not turning up at all, just to spend the night in their dorm most definitely did not go unnoticed.

"We're just friends." Tetsurou looks away from Yaku and watches Kenma instead, hoping he would return to the table soon.

"Really? Didn't you date him?" Yaku continues.

Tetsurou doesn't know why he's asking about this. He doesn't want to think Yaku is nosey; usually he's just...concerned.

"No? We're just friends," Tetsurou reiterates.

"Well, if you say so." Yaku shrugs. "It's just that Kenma thought-"

"What did I think?" Kenma interjects and they look up to see Kenma holding his dessert and Tetsurou's drink.

"Oh, nothing. Sit down," Yaku shifts to let Kenma take his seat next to him. As Kenma sets the dessert and drink on the table, he frowns at Yaku. Yaku returns a look, and it seems like they're having a silent exchange. That was weird, Tetsurou thinks. _He_ used to do that with Kenma. But he supposes they had been spending more time together, living under the same roof. At least it means they were getting along.

"How's work, Kuro?" Kenma asks as he slices up the crepe on his plate.

"Oh it's...the usual," Tetsurou shrugs. He doesn't really like to talk about work - after all, it has been his main source of frustration.

"Still working at that design firm?" Kenma stuffs a mouthful of strawberry cream crepe into his mouth.

"Yea, still working on that one project." Tetsurou quirks a sardonic smile, then takes a sip from his drink, a vanilla mocha frappe. "How about you?"

Kenma works at a game company - a small indie studio, but a respectable one, nonetheless.

"Still ironing out the art direction," Kenma mumbles through a mouthful of food. "We'll probably have to outsource some of it."

Yaku watches their conversation without a word, sipping his iced tea slowly.

"If we need outside help, do you want to do some of it?" Kenma looks up from his food, letting their eyes meet for the first time since the start of their conversation.

Tetsurou recognises the weight of the question. Kenma is offering Tetsurou, although very tentatively, some kind of job from his game studio. He would be lying if he says he isn't interested. Tetsurou loves games - maybe not as much as Kenma, but the prospect of contributing to the development of one is undeniably exciting. Way more exciting than whatever he is currently doing. Tetsurou had taken a multimedia course in college, with a mixed variety of modules, some of which overlapped with Kenma's. So he wasn't completely new to game design, but he isn't great at it either.

Kenma had produced great things in college. His final year project has been a game that was one of the main features in their graduation show. Meanwhile, Tetsurou's project was a design campaign that earned him a decent grade and then sent him on his merry way.

Nope, definitely not good enough.

"I don't think I'm good enough," Tetsurou bites his lip. "Like I haven't really done game design stuff. Well, you've seen my portfolio. You should find someone who can do a better job."

Kenma watches him carefully, then purses his lips and says

"Alright."

The subject drops, and they the conversation drifts to other things. Yaku talks about how their neighbour's cat keeps coming to their house, Tetsurou talks about Bokuto's arrival in Japan and Kenma throws in comments here and there. It's great, catching up with friends like this, Tetsurou thinks. He should really find time to visit them, and hopefully catch a glimpse of the cat too.

 

* * *

 

When they emerge from the cafe, it is nearly evening. Tetsurou waves with promise of seeing them again soon before boarding the train to return to his apartment. He opens Twitter to kill time, and sees Bokuto's tweets from the airport.

**Japan Owl - 20h**

GOODBYE AMERICA!!!!

**Japan Owl - 5h**

HEY HEY HEY I'M BACK!

**Japan Owl - 5h**

look it's japan!!!

The last tweet includes a picture of a Japanese sign, and Tetsurou chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief.

After Tetsurou gets off the train, he takes the short walk back to his apartment and realises that it is getting late. He'll probably make something simple for dinner. Humming softly to himself, Tetsurou pulls out his phone again to send a quick text.

**Kuroo Tetsurou:** hey you still with bokuto?

**Akaashi Keiji:** No, I just left. He needs rest, and is prob sleeping off the jetlag. But he said we can visit tmr.

Tetsurou decides Akaashi can go without knowing the many snapchats that a not-resting Bokuto is sending him right now. Snapchats that consist of Bokuto stroking his furniture wistfully and telling them that he's home. An activity that, Tetsurou was sure, he had waited for Akaashi to leave before doing.

**Kuroo Tetsurou:** sure we can hang at his place tmr

A few steps from his door, Tetsurou opens one last snapchat from Bokuto. It has Bokuto wearing his digital wristwatch, still set to Eastern standard in America, reading 8AM. Then the camera shifts to the window, where the night is lined with streetlights. The caption reads "JETLAG"; the camera shakes as Bokuto shrieks dramatically and Tetsurou laughs. He pockets his phone again to open his apartment door, grinning with the knowledge that he will see the comedic genius the next day.

 

* * *

 

The next day has Tetsurou, Akaashi and Bokuto plopped unceremoniously on the floor in Bokuto's apartment. Typical chilling out, as Tetsurou calls it. Earlier, when Tetsurou and Akaashi arrived at Bokuto's apartment, he had handed them their souvenirs from America. Tetsurou received a mug with San Francisco motifs while Akaashi received a small statue of the Golden Gate bridge (after he kindly informed Bokuto that he had  _nine_ mugs). After that Bokuto said he wanted to play cards, so that was how all of them ended up on the floor.

"So, what should we play?" Bokuto shuffles the cards in his hands (dropping a few that he quickly snatches up before anyone can comment on it). "Poker?"

"Bokuto, you don't even remember the hands," Akaashi sighs. "The last time we tried to play you kept having to ask me, and it defeats the point of the game."

"It's not my fault that it's so confusing!" Bokuto pouts, slumping his shoulders.

"We could play Blackjack," Akaashi suggests. "We're going to need something like chips to bet on, unless you want to involve money?"

"Ohh Akaashi, ready to gamble now?" Tetsurou teases. Akaashi pointedly ignores him.

"I can grab some snacks!" Bokuto gets up and heads into the kitchen.

Akaashi doesn't know how Bokuto suddenly has an abundance of snacks, when his kitchen had been practically empty the previous day. Then he thinks somewhere between him leaving and Bokuto finally going to sleep, the latter had made a trip to the 24-hour convenience store.

The snacks are divided up between them: bars of chocolate, candy and chips.

"So who's gonna be the dealer?" Tetsurou looks between the two. When neither volunteers, he shrugs. "Guess it's me then."

He grabs the stack of cards, doing a riffle shuffle to mix them up. Bokuto looks in amazement as the cards fall and interleave without being dropped. Then, Tetsurou invites Akaashi to cut the deck and the former deals a pair of cards to everyone.

Bokuto is the first to draw. Tetsurou watches in amusement as the golden-eyed boy scrunches up his eyes reading his cards, trying to determine how many points he has.

"Bo, you need a calculator? It's just two cards though," Tetsurou mocks.

"I don't!" Bokuto huffs in response. "I know I have thir-"

"Thir-?" Tetsurou repeats, the grin on his mouth only growing wider.

Blood flushes into Bokuto's cheeks.

"I need to draw."

He reaches for a card, but his face only screws up more. Akaashi rolls his eyes, asks if he needs any help counting, or if he's done and Akaashi can draw. Tetsurou is very glad that they are playing cards.

 

A few rounds later, there is a significant lack of snacks next to Bokuto and Akaashi with quite the pile next to Tetsurou.

"Are you  _sure_ you're passing on your draw, Akaashi?" Tetsurou taunts. "My hand is pretty good, not sure you can beat it if your cards are just... _sub-par_."

Akaashi shoots him a dirty look, but he swipes a card off the top of the deck and adds it to his hand.

"I'm done." He mutters, chewing on his lip.

Tetsurou grins.

"Alright, time to show your hands!"

Bokuto grumbles as he reveals four cards with 27 points. Mars bar - gone. Akaashi gives an exasperated sigh as he tosses his cards open on the floor - 25 points. Tetsurou swipes his Crunchie.

"Show us  _your_ hand too, Kuroo!" Bokuto whines, miffed.

"Well, you know I didn't go over." Tetsurou shrugs, but reveals the pair of cards in his hand anyway - 17 points.

"What the fuck," Akaashi spits, incredulous. "I had-"

Tetsurou giggles in triumph while Akaashi presses his fingers against his temple.

"Akaashi, we're losing our snacks!" Bokuto points out, the pout evident on his face.

"If you want them back, you gotta win~" Tetsurou drawls, enjoying the way Bokuto's face screws up in frustration.

He loves playing cards with the two of them. He thinks it's the best thing that has happened - well, next to Bokuto actually returning to Japan. Tetsurou enjoys provoking them - making Bokuto accidentally reveal his cards and loving the way his ears burn with the realisation that he had fallen into yet another one of Tetsurou's traps.

And Akaashi, despite seeming like he would have a poker face, actually has trouble keeping one. Tetsurou observes the way his lips quirk when he gets a good hand and the way his eyebrows furrow when he draws a bad card. But what he loves more is taunting Akaashi - making him second-guess himself; watching him frown in contemplation, his eyes sparkle with the idea of higher stakes and his hand easing towards the deck for another card.

Tetsurou also loves the look of exasperation Akaashi gives when Tetsurou takes another one of their snacks.

 

"I wanna be the dealer," Bokuto says, voice heavy with determination.

"Really? You could lose  _more_ , Bokuto." Tetsurou raises his eyebrows, amused.

"Or, I could win  _more,_ " Bokuto challenges. Tetsurou likes the way that he's talking.

"Sure, I'd like to see you try," he returns.

Akaashi pushes a packet of Skittles towards Bokuto.

"Get revenge," he says in a solemn voice.

 

Within the first round, Bokuto has drawn Blackjack and reclaimed two chocolate bars from Tetsurou. He spares Akaashi because he had already given him Skittles.

"What the hell, my hands are shit!" Tetsurou exclaims at the pair of 15 points in his hand. Too low to meet the cut, but easy to go over as well.

"Who's hand is  _sub-par_ now, hmm?" Akaashi sneers, hiding his pair of a queen and jack.

"The world has turned against me." Tetsurou shakes his head, reaching for a card, that will no doubt be another goddamn 10 points because his luck is terrible like that.

Eventually Bokuto wins the pile back and Akaashi regained an amount that resembled his starting pool. Tetsurou, on the other hand, had a single Mars bar and a tube of Smarties by the time they were done.

"I can't believe this!" Tetsurou throws his hands into the air in exasperation. "And I was  _winning_."

"You were. But now you've lost." Bokuto rips open a packet of M&Ms and pops a handful into his mouth.

 

After that Bokuto exclaimed that he felt lazy so they should watch a movie together.

So he sits between Tetsurou and Akaashi, a packet of chips perched on his lap, feet propped on the coffee table watching what Tetsurou calls a classic from the 1980s.

He's appalled that Bokuto has never seen it before, and the latter retorts saying he wasn't even born then. Akaashi doesn't argue, just takes in the movie in silent appreciation. Tetsurou, on the other hand, makes sure to voice every comment he has about how great the movie looks, how much he loves the art direction and the animation details. Then Akaashi shushes him because he can't even catch the dialogue and Bokuto snickers.

Eventually the three fall silent, eyes focused on the fictional work beyond the screen, where motorcycles trail taillights over the roads and explosions light up the sky. Akaashi doesn't really understand the film, but he gathers that it's just another one of Tetsurou's weird tastes.

 

Unfortunately, an hour later Bokuto is asleep and Akaashi still doesn't get the movie. Tetsurou tries not to feel offended but he is the slightest bit disappointed.

"I think Kenma-kun would understand this movie better," Akaashi supplies.

"Yea I think he would," Tetsurou agrees. He turns his attention to Bokuto, who is snoring softly between them.

"He stayed up didn't he?" Akaashi looks to Tetsurou, who grimaces in response.

"Yea, he was up 'till three."

Akaashi sighs in disbelief while Tetsurou slips an arm behind Bokuto's back and secures another around his thighs.

"God he's heavy," Tetsurou grunts as he struggles to get up, lifting his sleeping friend. He shuffles to the bedroom, where Akaashi pulls back the covers and Tetsurou lays him down and tucks him in. As much trouble as it is, Tetsurou doesn't want to wake him up. He thinks it's a well-deserved rest, after travelling to the other side of the world to play for Japan.

 

They return to the living room, where it's quiet again after Tetsurou turns off the television. As Tetsurou sorts through the piles of snacks on the coffee table, Akaashi picks up the San Francisco mug.

"Kuroo...do you want to go on a trip?" He muses.

"What?" Tetsurou turns to Akaashi.

"I mean, within Japan. Go out of Tokyo." Akaashi shrugs. Tetsurou studies him carefully, but can't figure out where this is coming from. It feels uncharacteristic of Akaashi.

"I can't get away from work until this project is finished," Tetsurou answers slowly. "And I can't say when it'll be done either."

Akaashi nods.

"Nevermind, it's alright." He sets down the mug. The small thud it makes closes their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't gamble.


	4. Frivolous Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi tries something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the most sinful chapter I've ever written so just headsup for crossdressing kink and a little bondage /sweats  
> basically kuroo gets rekt

Weekdays are boring. Keiji sits at his desk, going through emails and answering the occasional phonecall. Simply put, he holds a regular desk job at an office. He makes sure things are accounted for, sends the necessary emails and makes the required phonecalls. It's a modest job - enough to pay the bills without tiring him out. But it's about as interesting as staring at spreadsheets can get.

Keiji leans back in his seat. He can hear the muffled sounds of his colleagues talking, probably gossiping about that one terrible coworker again. He closes his eyes. He doesn't really join in. He lets most of it fly over his head instead. Keiji has been at this job for more than a year and he gets along with his colleagues, but once they part to head home - they're strangers again. So that's about as meaningful as his work gets.

He should read something again. The last time he had picked up a book was three weeks ago. A library recommendation, that he had found to be so-so. He should watch something again. The last movies or tv shows he had watched had been half of that old animated movie Kuroo made them watch and that family drama on Bokuto's tv.

He needs to  _do_ something.

Keiji picks up his phone.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Are you free this evening?

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea are we getting dinner or..?

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I'll cook.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** cool ill go over to yours then ;)

 

* * *

 

Keiji doesn't mind cooking. He finds it relaxing to prepare food, following the familiarised procedures like drills ingrained in his head. His hands move without much thought and he doesn't need a timer - just a quick glance at the clock will be enough. When the food is nearly done, he hears the rap on the door - Kuroo. Keiji switches off the gas, hangs up his apron and walks over to open the door for him.

"Hey," Kuroo greets. "What's for dinner?"

"It's just grilled mackerel and cold tofu," Keiji says as he steps aside to let Kuroo enter.

"Akaashi! You know mackerel's my favourite!" A grin stretches across Kuroo's face.

"I had some in the fridge," Keiji retorts dryly. He locks the door and moves to set the table for dinner.

 

Dinner starts out quiet as they dig in, chopsticks reaching for bites of fish and tofu. It's a simple dinner, but Kuroo seems to appreciate it nevertheless, probably because all he needs is his favourite mackerel. Keiji tells himself he only cooked the piece of mackerel today because the portion seemed a bit too big for just himself.

"Y'know, yesterday Bokuto sent me a snapchat of all the snacks from the weekend-" Kuroo begins as his chopsticks pick at the fish.

"And did he call you a loser?" Keiji adds, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Wow, _rude_. Let me remind you that I was very much winning at one point!" Kuroo huffs, shoving another mouthful of rice into his mouth.

"Sure, though I'm not sure you can say someone who ended up with such a measly amount of snacks at the end was winning," Keiji says in between mouthfuls of tofu.

He enjoys this. A simple home-cooked dinner and someone to banter with. It's better than the store-bought lunches and stale conversations that always seemed to fall flat between him and his colleagues. Here, Keiji could tease Kuroo all day.

"Akaashi, will you let me finish?" Kuroo looks defeated at this point.

"Alright, go on," Keiji says, unapologetic, as he returns his attention to his food.

"He decided to bake cookies, and mixed some of the snacks in with the batter."

"That doesn't actually sound that bad." Keiji, for once, seems pleasantly surprised.

"Bokuto can't bake," Kuroo reminds him.

Memories of Bokuto's many horrific attempts at baking suddenly resurface all at once. It summons vivid imagery of cookies that are charred beyond salvation; black smoke escaping the oven even though the timer hasn't gone off; things that weren't meant to be in the oven being in there anyway and melting into new and horrific forms.

"Right." Keiji leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose. After a shaky breath, he asks

"What happened?"

"It kind of became a huge mess when the candies melted, and well... Bokuto might need a new oven." Kuroo shrugs, grimacing.

Keiji sighs again.

"I guess he's pretty bored sitting around his house," Kuroo goes on. "But he said he'll be helping out at the sports centre starting next week."

"That's good." Keiji polishes off the last bit of rice in his bowl.

"Oh about a trip..." Kuroo pauses. "I can't really take a long time off but if you want we can go somewhere on a weekend?"

"It's alright," Keiji says as a small smile tugs at his lips. "I've thought of something else we can do."

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou is pushed to sit at the end of the bed. Akaashi runs his hands over his chest playfully, tracing fingers along the creases in his shirt. His hands close over the tie on Tetsurou's neck and tugs him forward to meet their lips.

Tetsurou closes his eyes as he melts into the kiss. His hands reach out, blindly searching for Akaashi. Tetsurou finds his shirt, that he pulls closer towards himself. But instead of deepening the kiss like Tetsurou had wanted, Akaashi pulls away.

"I want to try something," he explains. "Wait here."

Then he turns and exits the room while Tetsurou watches him, confused.

 

Tetsurou starts getting restless a few minutes later.

What is Akaashi doing? He had told him to wait, so Tetsurou knows better than to get up to check on him. Instead, the dark-haired man looks around the room.

Akaashi's bedroom is small, furnished with just a closet, queen-sized bed and a small nightstand. Then again, the room probably looks small because the bed took up most of the space. During the time Tetsurou had shared a dorm with Akaashi, he remembered the younger man had been frustrated with his single-sized bed. Especially because he slept restlessly, even more so when he was stressed, and Tetsurou often woke up to a loud thud and a tangle of limbs on the floor. The occurrence continued almost nightly when Akaashi had his exams, and to say his mood was sour would be a grand understatement. So Tetsurou thought the queen-sized bed was a reasonable investment, plus it made staying over more convenient.

 

Just as he wanders back from his daydreams, Akaashi returns to the room.

The first thing Tetsurou's eyes are drawn to is the white harness straps that crisscross over the front of Akaashi's chest. He breathes hard, following them with his eyes as they join to a matching bustier. Panels of delicate white lace rest stark against Akaashi's sun-kissed skin and it makes Tetsurou burn with the urge to trace every pattern. Then his eyes fall on the skirt that hugs his waist - A short, frilly skirt that flaunts layers of lace, barely covering Akaashi's ass. His mouth goes dry. Then his eyes travel down the length of Akaashi's legs, that adorn a pair of translucent nylon stockings. Lace garters kiss the tan skin of his thighs, that just about seals the deal until Tetsurou notices the peek of a pair of sheer white panties under his skirt.

Then he pretty much loses it.

"Fuck-" he breathes, voice hoarse as Akaashi approaches him. _This_ was what Akaashi wanted to try? Akaashi seems pleased at the response: the eager looks Tetsurou is giving, eyes hungry and fingers twitching with the urge to touch. But when Tetsurou's hands reach out for him, Akaashi pushes them away.

A smile teases his face while Tetsurou stares at him, stupefied.

With a smooth tug, Akaashi removes Tetsurou's tie from his collar. Then he bends Tetsurou's arms behind his back and loops the tie around his wrists.

"No touching," he finishes.

"W-wait Akaashi what-" Tetsurou seems to snap out of his trance and starts pulling at his hands. However, the knot does not relent, and his struggles are futile. He raises his head to meet Akaashi's eyes again.

"Patience," Akaashi chides.

Tetsurou swallows. It'll be a long night.

 

Akaashi climbs onto the bed, sitting on Tetsurou's lap and straddling him. He's not even doing anything yet and the position already sends Tetsurou's mind into a frenzy. At their proximity, the soft lace on Akaashi's outfit is pressing against Tetsurou's clothes. His mind whirls with how close and how hot he is, and then it churns some more with thoughts of what Akaashi might do to him. Then Akaashi begins to rest his hands against Tetsurou's chest, and the contact makes his skin burn under his shirt. Slowly, with deliberate torture, Akaashi undos the buttons on his shirt.

"Akaashi," Tetsurou whimpers. Every time his fingers graze across Tetsurou's bare skin, he aches for more, but Akaashi never gives it to him.

Finally, Akaashi reaches the final button and he slips the shirt off Tetsurou's shoulders. Tetsurou gasps, in both surprise and relief, because now Akaashi is finally going to do more things to him.

Akaashi traces his fingers up and down Tetsurou's chest, watching the goosebumps rise against his fingers and hearing gasps and whimpers as Tetsurou keens for his touch. Then, Akaashi leans down and starts kissing. The kisses start slow, ghosting up the length of his sternum and following along the curve of his collarbone. As he gets into it, Akaashi starts sucking and nibbling at the skin on Tetsurou's neck.

"Aah...Ah.." Tetsurou moans, tilting his head to give Akaashi more room. While Akaashi's fingers brush along his chest, Tetsurou's are clenching into fists. Akaashi's lips are hot against his flush neck and each time his teeth grazes skin, a tingle shoots down towards his groin. Akaashi seems to feel Tetsurou's arousal, because he starts rolling his hips against it.

A loud groans rips from Tetsurou's throat. Shit. If Akaashi keeps this up Tetsurou doesn't know how long he will last. It isn't just the skin contact. The brushes of soft lace against his skin tease him, making his body beg for more. He tugs and pulls at the tie around his wrists. If he could use his hands, maybe he could, maybe he could-

But somehow, the thought of not being able to do anything, as frustrating as it was, was exciting as well.

Akaashi continues ravaging at Tetsurou's neck, sucking and biting so hard that Tetsurou thinks he's definitely leaving hickeys. He rides down on Tetsurou's hardening erection and Tetsurou buckles his hips to meet him, getting soft whimpers from the younger man. Everything feels hot - his face is heated, his neck is burning and the temperature is definitely rising down there.

Suddenly, Akaashi pulls away and climbs off from Tetsurou. Tetsurou wants to scream at the lost of contact, but then he feels hands tugging at his belt.

Oh.

He stares blankly at Akaashi, who unbuckles his belt, unbuttons and unzips his pants. The press of hands against the waistband of his boxers makes Tetsurou jolt, and he lifts his hips as Akaashi pulls both his pants and boxers down to his ankles. Less than a second later hands are pressing his knees apart and Tetsurou is looking at Akaashi crouched between his legs.

It's a beautiful and lewd sight. Especially when Akaashi is in that  _outfit_. God, it should be illegal.

"Keiji. Oh god Keiji please," Tetsurou pleads, shivering.

Akaashi presses his hands against Tetsurou's thighs as he takes him in his mouth.

"Fuck..." Tetsurou reels his head back, curling his toes at the sensation.

Then Akaashi continues, stroking his tongue down his length and sucking at the tip. He bobs his head up and down, pulling back and pushing forward, building up a steady rhythm. Tetsurou peers down at Akaashi - white harnesses crossing over his back and soft lace hugging his body. He wants to run his hands through Akaashi's dark hair, tug on his scalp, maybe slip a finger under one of the straps on his shoulders. But his hands remain bound, trapped behind his back so all he can do is thrust his hips into Akaashi's mouth.

"K-Keiji...untie me, let me fuck you," Tetsurou breathes. Akaashi's eyes flicker up to meet his, seeming to consider his suggestion. But he returns his attention to Tetsurou's cock, tugging at the length with his lips until Tetsurou's words crumble into loud grunts and he trembles violently as he climaxes into Akaashi's mouth.

 

Akaashi pulls back, wiping cum messily from the corners of his mouth. He settles back into Tetsurou's lap.

"So," he begins, but the word burns his throat and he coughs hard to clear it.

The coughing brings Tetsurou back, who looks up at Akaashi with concern. Before the older man can say anything, Akaashi waves it off as he finds his voice again.

"You wanted to fuck me?"

Tetsurou feels new excitement pool in his gut.

"Yea, c'mon untie me and we'll fuck," he says quickly, without missing a beat.

"Mhmm," Akaashi hums and Tetsurou realises he's not reaching for the tie bounding his hands. Rather, his hands are diving under the layers of his skirt - oh god.

Tetsurou's heart stills. Akaashi gets up to stand in front of Tetsurou and makes a show of sliding the panties down his hips slowly. As the garment is pulled down Akaashi's thighs, Tetsurou notices that it adorns a cute bow on the front. Then Tetsurou realises that it's also damp. The translucent garment is pulled off one leg, and another, before it is thrown across the room.

"Fuck," Tetsurou hisses.

Akaashi walks towards his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. Tetsurou watches him, following his figure with hungry eyes as he returns to Tetsurou's lap. Akaashi lays the condom beside them on the bed, uncaps the lube and pours it over his fingers.

"Keiji, I can do it," Tetsurou says.

Akaashi just hums in reply as he lifts his hips and dips a hand under his lace skirt. Then he's pressing a finger into his hole and fucking himself as he moans.

"Keiji, let me do it," Tetsurou growls, desperation hinging on his voice. He tugs at the tie, even though he already knows he can't free himself.

Akaashi inserts another finger as he feels himself loosening up.

"Won't it feel better if I do it? You know I can make you feel good," Tetsurou continues, feeling his voice crumble as he watches Akaashi finger himself. It's too much. Akaashi is in his lap, dressed in that perfect white lace, fingers pressed in his hole as he moans erotically. It's too much to just watch; Tetsurou wants to join too and his hips are buckling even though he can't reach him.

After the third finger Tetsurou starts pleading.

"Keiji! Please, please just let me fuck you, please!" His eyes are tearing up; the frustration is killing him and he just wants Akaashi so, so much.

Akaashi seems to finally relent. He extracts his fingers, ripping open the packet and rolling the condom over Tetsurou's dick. He pours lube over him as well, running his hands up and down his length.

"Untie me, please." Tetsurou feels a tear escape, rolling down his cheek.

"Sorry," Akaashi mutters, pressing a quick kiss against his cheek as he reaches behind Tetsurou's back to untie his hands.

"Okay, okay," Tetsurou breathes as he feels his hands come loose. He cracks his wrists, and each finger in succession, as the feeling returns to them. Tetsurou wants to touch Akaashi. He wants to hold him, wants to-

Tetsurou looks up, and their eyes meet. Akaashi's gaze is soft and he seems apologetic. Whatever Tetsurou had meant to do was thrown under the bus as his hands reach up to cup Akaashi's face, pulling him close for a kiss.

Tetsurou kisses him hard. He wants to say that there is nothing to apologise for, when Akaashi had made him feel  _so_ good. Though, the teasing kind of hurt. And Tetsurou wants to give back. He wants to give back every good feeling Akaashi had given him, and he hopes that his lips speak exactly that, without him uttering a single word.

Akaashi starts to whimper as Tetsurou's hands travel over his body, feeling the soft lace, leather straps and the flush of tan skin under his fingers. Finally,  _finally_ , being able to hold Akaashi so close to himself, Tetsurou feels euphoric.

They pull away to catch their breath, and Akaashi catches him with hazy eyes.

"Kuroo...I want you."

Tetsurou becomes acutely aware of the way his heart is pounding hard against the walls of his chest, and the way Akaashi's hands are squeezing his shoulders.

_I want you._

_I want_ you.

The words echo in his head, swirling as his mind relishes in them. It is Tetsurou's lap that Akaashi is sitting in; it is Tetsurou's mouth he was kissing; it is Tetsurou that Akaashi has called here today.

It is Tetsurou that Akaashi wants. The feeling sits in his chest, but he feels warm all over. Tetsurou is burning with bliss.

His voice is shaky when he answers,

"I want you too, Keiji."

"...Tetsurou," Akaashi echoes, using his first name. Tetsurou always feels a surge in intimacy when they switch to first names. It's something that only happens when they're together like this. He vaguely remembers Akaashi's justification being that it was weird to use family names in an intimate situation. All he knows is that he loves the way their first names sound on each other's breaths.

Tetsurou slides his hands over Akaashi's sides until they sit on his hips.

"Mhmm" Akaashi braces his hands on either side of Tetsurou's shoulders. Holding a breath, he lifts his hips, and sinks onto Tetsurou.

"F-fuck!" Tetsurou grunts, feeling the tightness press around him.

"Aah!" Akaashi moans, throwing his head back. He shudders, but reminds himself to breathe. Slowly, Akaashi starts to move.

"Fuck, fuck, ah- aaah..." Tetsurou stutters after Akaashi as he bounces his hips on Tetsurou's cock.

"Aah Tetsurou... Ah!" Akaashi shivers when Tetsurou lifts his hips and hits a sweet spot. "M-more! Yes- harder!"

At Akaashi's insistence, Tetsurou shoves his hips harder against him, thrusting into him to hear all his sweet cries. Akaashi pushes back, lifting his hips and pressing back onto his cock. Tetsurou's hands tighten their grip on Akaashi's hips as Akaashi continues rides him harder, lewd moans escaping with each breath.

Then Tetsurou is squeezing his eyes shut and losing himself as ecstasy washes over him. He feels his mouth open to let out a cry, but he doesn't hear what he says, or if it even sounds like words. A numbing sensation creeps up on him and he falls back against the bed.

Breathe, he thinks. He has to breathe.

So he does, slow inhales and exhales until his eyes start to focus on the figure lying on his chest.

"Akaashi," Tetsurou calls out, his voice hoarse. He reaches a hand out to run his fingers through Akaashi's dark curls, until the younger man responds.

"Kuroo..." Akaashi lifts his head a little, and Tetsurou cranes his neck just enough to meet his eyes.

Dark smoky eyes, shadowed by a pair of long lashes and heavy lids. Pretty features that Tetsurou has scanned over countless times. But this time, his stare catches Tetsurou like a deer in the headlights. Suddenly, the air in his throat is too thin to breathe and his heart too heavy for his chest. All he knows is that he doesn't want to leave. So the next thing Tetsurou opens his mouth to say is

"Can I stay over?"

Akaashi blinks. It's definitely not the first time Tetsurou stays over, and he has left enough articles of clothing as it is for him to have something to wear the next day.

"Okay, but first you have to shower," Akaashi answers.

Tetsurou grimaces as the words suddenly allow him to feel how gross he is, and he rolls out of bed with a grunt. He grabs a set of clothing from Akaashi's closet, already familiar with it. On the way to the shower, he pauses in the doorway.

"Are you going to...wear that?" Even though he had been seeing the outfit all night, it still dusts his cheeks with a pink tinge when he looks over his shoulder at it.

"I'm going to change out of it," Akaashi answers.

Tetsurou nods, quite forcefully tearing his eyes away before ducking into the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

The outfit is a pain. After Kuroo leaves the room, Keiji fumbles with it for a good five minutes before he gets enough slack in the harnesses to slip out of it. He folds it up and leaves it in a corner, because it needs to be washed by hand. Even more trouble. Well, the reaction it got and the sex they had was worth it though, Keiji thinks. Certainly something different from usual.

Keiji changes the bedsheets into a fresh set, picks up the old one along with the loose pieces of clothing in the room and dumps them in the hamper to be washed. He slips on the shirt and sweatpants he had worn over dinner and picks up his phone by the nightstand as he waits for Kuroo to be done.

 

There is a new message from Bokuto.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** AKAAAAAASHI how r u??

Akaashi can't help smiling as he types out a response.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I'm fine, how about you?

His reply is almost instantaneous.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** im sooooo bored!!

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Kuroo told me about how you tried to bake cookies.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** yea!! wait did he tell u how they turned out??

 **Akaashi Keiji:**...yes.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** it wad suppoesd to be a secret!!! :(

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I think he thought it was funny to share.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** :(

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** u laughed at me didnt u

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** AkaAAASH!!! tell me did u lauhg

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I did. It was pretty amusing.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** ok!! so at lest i made u laugh!!!

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** wish i culd hear u laugh tho!

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I'm sure if you're a comedic genius like Kuroo seems to think you are, you'd hear me laugh again.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** comadic wat???

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Nevermind.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** anw akaaaaashi! do u wanna go somewehre this weekend?? ure not workin rite?

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Sure.

Keiji spends the next few minutes talking to Bokuto, discussing where both of them would like to go. Kuroo finally emerges from the bathroom, and Keiji takes his shower.

The hot water running over his sore body is a welcomed sensation. Faint indents were left where the straps had crossed over his chest and shoulders. Keiji traces them now, as he takes his time soaping himself down. Warm water runs over his skin, gathering the weariness in his muscles until they pool as soapy water at his feet. By the time Keiji finally steps out of the shower, the glass in the room has steamed up. He puts on a fresh set of clothes before heading back to the bedroom.

 

Kuroo is laying on his stomach, sprawled on the bed with his phone in his hands. Keiji nudges his legs with his foot to make space for himself and plops down beside him. As he reaches for his phone and gets comfortable, Kuroo leans over and pecks him on the cheek. Keiji stiffens. They don't usually do this.

Kuroo catches himself too and ducks away.

_"Why did you kiss me?"_

The question burns at the tip of Keiji's tongue but he doesn't say it. With them it was always all or nothing. There was no space in between that allowed for handholding or light kisses. So he doesn't know what Kuroo just did, or why he did that.

Keiji tries to focus on staring at his phone instead, but even the huge numbers on his screen feel far away.

"I'm going to sleep." Kuroo breaks the silence first.

Keiji quickly mutes his phone and tosses it onto the nightstand.

"Me too. Goodnight Kuroo." He turns on his side of the bed, pulling the covers up around him.

"Goodnight, Keiji." Kuroo echoes.

His first name is merely a mumble, pressed into the side of a pillow as Kuroo buries his face into it. But Keiji is certain he had heard it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Kuroo's fucked, literally and figuratively.


	5. Adoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Akaashi hang out on a weekend. Oikawa also appears in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might not be the direction you anticipated but well... /shrugs at fic tags/  
> Hope you guys still enjoy it.

Tetsurou wakes up twice.

 

The first time is in the early morning, just before dawn. A glance at his phone on his left reveals that it's 5AM. Another glance to his right has Tetsurou observing that Akaashi is asleep less than an arm's length away. Sleep slowly clears from Tetsurou's mind as he focuses on the sleeping figure.

The room is still dark, shades of grey cast on the furniture and walls, painting the limbo between night and daybreak. Akaashi is turned towards him, face half-hidden in the pillow, chest rising and falling with each slow breath, escaping through his slightly parted lips. His eyes are closed, dark lashes fanning out against his cheeks. His dark hair, that Tetsurou knows he never combs, is pressed into the pillow and even messier than it is in the day.

It takes Tetsurou every ounce of self-control to not reach over and touch him.

He's afraid that he will wake Akaashi, and this surreal scene he had woken up to would be shattered. Instead Tetsurou turns on his side and watches, counting the breaths with the rise and fall of Akaashi's chest and memorising the way the shadows play on his face. Tetsurou almost never wakes up before Akaashi. Akaashi's work starts earlier, so he is usually up before Tetsurou even starts to stir. This time, though, Tetsurou thanks his luck to have woken up before him.

Tetsurou can't hold him; he can't stroke his face or kiss his forehead; but Tetsurou can dream. He can dream with his eyes open. He can dream of tranquil 5AM mornings where the room is bathed in monochrome and reaching out to hold the person sleeping next to him doesn't wake him up. And it doesn't ruin anything, because dreams are but dreams. Gradually, he starts to feel sluggish again, and gives in to sleep.

 

The second time Tetsurou wakes up, he feels the warm glow of morning sun. His phone reads 8AM. The bed is empty beside him.

 

* * *

 

Keiji wakes up to the sound of his alarm at 6.30AM sharp. He almost forgets that Kuroo had stayed over, until his eyes fall on the mess of black hair buried in the pillow beside him. Keiji quickly shuts off the alarm before it can wake Kuroo, and pulls off the covers just enough to slide out of bed.

From there muscle memory takes over. Keiji saunters to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and splashing cold water on his face. He makes a cup of coffee and sips on it while he looks in the fridge. Keiji decides he can be a little fancier today, and makes scrambled eggs for breakfast. He cracks the eggs into the pan, scrambling them in a zig-zag motion with a pair of chopsticks. That was something Bokuto had taught him. Despite his baking catastrophe, Bokuto is brilliant at cooking eggs. Although, he hadn't actually taught Keiji because his explanation was too vague and difficult to follow. Instead, Keiji had observed him while he cooked, eventually picking up the skill.

When the eggs are done, Keiji separates them into two plates - one that he sets on the table and another that he puts in the microwave for Kuroo. Keiji sprinkles a generous amount of salt over his eggs, and digs into them while checking his phone. Once he was done with breakfast and coffee, he washes the cutlery in the sink and returns to the bedroom to get changed.

Of course, Kuroo is still asleep. Keiji briefly wonders how he even manages to breathe with his face smothered in the pillow. Though, he can certainly see how he gets his terrible bedhead. Keiji shakes his head in disbelief, and returns his attention to his closet where he picks out a fresh work outfit and changes into it. He lingers for a moment and watches Kuroo stir, rolling from his stomach to his side. His face is still pressed into the pillow, but at least he looks like he can breathe easier now. Kuroo doesn't start work until 10AM, so he still has plenty to time, unlike Keiji. With a quick glance at his clock, Keiji grabs his things and heads out into the kitchen. He scribbles a quick note to Kuroo, letting him know breakfast was in the microwave and to remember to lock up with the spare key when he leaves.

Satisfied, Keiji heads out to work.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week passes rather uneventfully, and soon it's the weekend, where Keiji had agreed to hang out with Bokuto. Initially, the latter had wanted to go to the zoo but Keiji claims that it would be too hot in the middle of summer. So Bokuto compromised and they settled on going to the aquarium instead.

 

It's 10 in the morning when Keiji is standing outside the aquarium, dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans, a T-shirt and a pair of sneakers. It's already as casual as he gets, but the sun is even more relentless than he remembers, and Keiji finds that he is already sweating. He stares impatiently at his phone, rereading Bokuto's text from a few minutes ago.

 **Bokuto Koutarou** : im here!!! 8D

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Okay I'm coming outside.

However, the man in question is nowhere to be seen. Keiji considers ducking back into the building, into the cool embrace of air-conditioning, when he notices the signature black-and-white streaked hair. Bokuto is wearing a print T-shirt, khaki shorts and sandals; probably better dressed for the summer than Keiji is. Even in the heat, he seems to radiate endless energy, bouncing on his heels as he approaches Keiji, waving his hands excitedly.

"Akaaaaashi!!" Bokuto calls.

"Yes Bokuto-san, I already saw you." Keiji smiles fondly, thinking that Bokuto looks like a child excited about a field trip.

They head into the building, and Keiji silently expresses his gratitude as the cool air washes over his warm, sticky skin. As they join the queue at the counter, Keiji wistfully thinks about when he had last visited the aquarium. His memories of it are fuzzy at best, and he thinks he must have been a kid when he was last here. Glancing up, Keiji observes various decorative sculptures of aquatic life hanging from the tall ceiling, the entire arrangement illuminated by a cool blue glow. The sight has Keiji's heart pounding in excitement, but he stops his face from splitting into a grin by returning his attention to his wallet. The man next to him, however, does little to mask his excitement.

Bokuto is bouncing on his heels, golden eyes sparkling in bewilderment.

"Akaashi! Where should we go first?"

Keiji shrugs, amused.

"Let's wait until we get our tickets first."

 

Eventually, they get through the line and get their tickets. Bokuto grabs a map from the shelf and they head to the entrance. From there, Bokuto doesn't even spare a second glance at the map as he makes a beeline towards the first exhibit, practically latching onto the glass. Keiji follows behind quickly, already preparing to tell Bokuto off about making too much noise and knocking on the glass.

But as Keiji approaches him, he realises that Bokuto is crouched in front of the glass, pupils blown wide as he stares at the small aquarium in silence.

"Akaashi, look." His voice is a whisper, uncharacteristically soft.

"Where?" Keiji joins Bokuto, crouching next to him.

Bokuto leans towards Keiji, bumping their shoulders as he raises a finger to point at the corner of the exhibit.

"There, do you see it?" His voice is hushed next to Keiji's ear, and Keiji can't help noticing how his finger barely brushes against the glass.

His eyes follow Bokuto's finger until he sees it. At first glance, he might not have picked it up as an animal. The creature looks like a seahorse, with various leaf-like appendages, making it seem like a part of the foliage around them. Keiji's eyes duck down to the exhibit plate and he reads -  _Leafy Sea Dragon_.

"That's a sea dragon, Bokuto."

"Really? Cool!" Bokuto sounds astonished, but keeps his tone soft. Instead, his mouth pulls into a grin.

"Come on, if we stay here all day we won't catch the rest of the exhibits." Keiji stands up and holds a hand out to Bokuto, who takes it eagerly.

 

They continue to walk through the exhibits, stopping to look at each creature and taking turns to see who can spot them first. At one such exhibit, Bokuto has his nose scrunched in concentration, eyes darting all over the aquarium as he searches for a stone fish. When he finally spots them, he taps Keiji's arm excitedly and points it out to him.

"Ah, there it is," Keiji hums, eyes landing on the sand-coloured fish nestling in the seabed.

"Told 'ya I could find it first!" Bokuto boasts, face lighting up in triumph.

"Good job, Bokuto," Keiji comments. Before Bokuto can holler in agreement, Keiji quickly adds "And good job controlling your volume too."

"Y-yea!" Bokuto stutters, swallowing the loud cheer he was about to make. "I mean, I won't want to disturb or scare them off right?"

"That's very considerate."

Even in the dim walkway, Keiji notices the way Bokuto's face flushes a little red and how he seems to swell with pride at every compliment.

 

* * *

 

"Akaashi, what do you want to eat?"

Keiji reads off the menu from where they're seated in the shop. After spending the morning walking through some exhibits, both of them decided to stop for lunch at the first store they came to.

"Just get me the curry set, thanks." Keiji pulls a 1000 yen note from his wallet and is about to hand it to Bokuto when the latter shakes his head.

"Nu-uh, it's my treat today."

"But-" Keiji starts to protest.

"You paid for my lunch at the airport right? So now that I've got my wallet I'm treating you back," Bokuto responds with a wink as he turns on his heels and heads to the counter.

"Fine," Keiji gives in with a sigh.

It feels like they're back in high school, where hanging out with Bokuto was an every day occurrence. Keiji realises that he kind of misses it. After Keiji finally understood his fickle moods and how to pull him out of his slumps, spending time with Bokuto became more enjoyable than he had thought it would be. When he was happy, Bokuto seemed to glow with a contagious energy, and it often affected Keiji as well. His moods were like storms, seemingly relentless as they threatened to crush him. But it was after he fought through them that he comes up stronger, shining with a new fervor that Keiji believes is what leads him going forwards and upwards. Keiji thinks that as much as his strategic encouragement brings Bokuto up, it is Bokuto that earns his strength for himself.

 

While lost in thought, Bokuto comes back to their table with two steaming plates of curry. He sets one down before Keiji and another across from him.

"Thank you, Bokuto."

"Hey hey no problem!" Bokuto settles in the seat opposite him, picking up a pair of chopsticks.

Having Bokuto treat him was something new - he was always owing people on the team money, especially their manager. Keiji hopes Bokuto doesn't owe anyone on his new team money anymore.

They dig into their food, exchanging light conversation in between mouthfuls of food.

 

* * *

 

After finishing up their food, Bokuto opens the map again with a sharp snap of his wrist.

"Where should we go next?" He peers over at Keiji.

"Hmm... looks like there's a show we could catch, actually." Keiji traces the map with his finger, pausing at the amphitheatre where there is information about a performance and various showtimes. "It's pretty close by too, we should be able to get there with time to spare."

"Okay, then let's go there next!" Bokuto folds up the map, stuffing it into his back pocket. Keiji is about to start walking when they hear a voice.

"Boku-chan!"

The duo turn, surprised to see a cheerful man with brown hair approaching them.

"Ahah! I knew it was you! Couldn't be mistaken about that hair," the man smiles, giving a wave. Keiji blinks. The man looks familiar, though he can't place his finger on where he might have seen him before.

"Oikawa! What are you doing here?" Bokuto responds.

 _Oikawa_... Keiji frowns as he tries to piece it together, but fails.

"Well you're not the only one on break! I came here with my friend, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa pulls a slightly shorter, rough-looking man towards him.

" _Iwaizumi_ , not 'Iwa-chan'," The man corrects with a huff.

"Oh? Who's that with you, Boku-chan?" Oikawa turns his attention to Keiji, regarding the latter with curiosity.

"Oikawa! This is Akaashi, he was my setter in high school, the one I said was even prettier than you!" Bokuto introduces airily.

Keiji gapes at him, blood flushing up his neck. Behind Oikawa, Iwaizumi lets out a snort.

"Is that so?"

Suddenly, the previously friendly man seems to be regarding him very differently, almost with a hint of...contempt. Keiji shifts uncomfortably under his stare.

"It's very nice to meet you, Oikawa-san." Keiji extends a hand, even though as ridiculous as it seems he thought the other man would devour him.

"Yes, it's  _very_ nice to meet you, Akaashi-kun." Oikawa takes his hand, and Keiji immediately regrets it, because he gives a painful squeeze. "I'm Bokuto's team mate, by the way."

"Oh yea! Forgot to mention that." Bokuto rubs his neck sheepishly, completely unaware of the painful tension between the two.

Keiji finally pulls his hand free and holds it behind his back to keep it from more damage.

"Actually, we have a show to catch so..." Keiji trails off, hoping they would get the hint.

"Let's go, Shittykawa." Iwaizumi steers the taller man by the arm, who splutters in response.

"Iwa-chan! You can't call me that in front of people we just met!"

Keiji silently expresses his thanks.

"Bokuto, we should go too if we don't want to be late for that show."

 

* * *

 

They follow signs heading towards the amphitheatre, making their way through small walkways with the occasional mini exhibit. The whole time, Bokuto watches Keiji carefully. Keiji sighs. He knows what this is. He stops abruptly, and Bokuto stumbles a little before trailing back to Keiji's side.

"What is it, Bokuto-san?" Keiji prompts.

"Uh..." Bokuto begins, but pauses to chew on his lip. "Are you mad?"

"I'm not." Keiji answers. Bokuto looks up from where he's slouched so much that he stands shorter than the younger man. Keiji sighs and reassures him. "I'm really not."

"Oh." Bokuto straightens a little, and cocks his head to the side. "Then do you not like Oikawa?"

"I think it's the other way round, actually."

"Other way...?" Bokuto blinks.

"I don't think Oikawa-san likes me," Keiji explains.

"Huh? But why won't he like you? You're so nice and polite...a-and pretty too!" Bokuto exclaims, waving his arms around for emphasis.

Keiji grimaces, but a flush dusts over his cheeks at Bokuto's blunt comment.

"I-I just think Oikawa-san doesn't like hearing that someone is...prettier than him." Keiji finishes off.

"Oh. He does seem to really care about his appearance, huh," Bokuto muses, tapping his chin in thought. "Like he's always arranging his hair when we go on TV or photoshoots and stuff..."

Aah. Keiji remembers where he had seen Oikawa. He was that famous setter from Miyagi who sometimes got featured in Volleyball Monthly. While he had never met or played against him, he had heard good things about him, like how great he was with people and how he could bring a team together. Keiji didn't expect him to be so petty though.

 

When they arrive at the amphitheatre, the seats have already filled up. Keiji curses under his breath, remembering that it is a Sunday so it was likely to be crowded. He was about to leave, saying they should try for the next show when Bokuto grabs Keiji's arm and leads them down the steps.

"B-Bokuto! There aren't anymore seats, we can wait for the next show-"

"Nah, we don't have to." Bokuto stops beside a bench. While it was mostly taken up by other people, there is still a small unoccupied space.

"Bokuto, I don't know if we can fit." Keiji comments, exasperated. The space looked like it would be enough for two people - if they were both 12-year-olds.

Bokuto seems determined to not give up, however, and plops onto the seat, pulling Keiji with him. And for the next moment Keiji is acutely aware of the way his shoulder is pressing into Bokuto's chest, the way their thighs are pressed against each other and the way Bokuto has his arm draped over Keiji's shoulders, pulling him to lean against him. Yet in some miracle they manage to fit, but Keiji knows if he tries to move away they won't anymore.

"Akaash! The show is starting!" Bokuto's voice is close enough to ruffle wisps of his hair and Keiji fights to keep himself from shivering.

"Yes it is." He answers breezily, struggling to pull his focus away from Bokuto and towards the stage instead.

The show is nothing too extraordinary, just a trainer getting a sea lion to perform various tricks. Nonetheless, the trainer is charismatic, easily engaging the audience and soon Keiji finds himself drawn into the performance as well. Bokuto is shifting closer to the edge of his seat, though he still keeps his arm around Keiji. The sea lion balances a soccer ball on their nose, the ball wavering precariously until the trainer gives the command for the sea lion to drop it to receive a treat. The show concludes with the sea lion and the trainer waving at the audience, and the trainer thanks everyone while the sea lion ducks away into the water.

As the people around them start getting up to leave, Keiji realises how close they are all over again, and this time he pulls away from Bokuto, hastily saying

"We should see the other exhibits too."

"Oh, yea." Bokuto nods quickly. Keiji hopes that the air-conditioning in the building will cool off his burning neck soon.

 

They breeze through the rest of the exhibits, following the walkways and moving with the crowd. At the very end of the trail, they arrive at the Open Ocean exhibit. The huge exhibit almost takes Keiji's breath away.

A vast aquarium sits at the front of the hall, glowing blue against the dark walls. As Keiji moves along the crowd to get closer to the tank, he spots schools of fishes swimming around the exhibit as well as other, much larger, sea creatures. Bokuto comes up beside him and for a few moments they stand in front of the aquarium, frozen in astonishment. Keiji feels like he is peering into a piece of the vast ocean, and he feels small and child-like among all of it.

"Hey." Bokuto bumps his hand against Keiji's. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, I am." Keiji exhales.

"Really?" Bokuto asks softly. This time Keiji turns to regard him. "I...I know sometimes I read people wrong, like sometimes I don't know if my teammates are upset and I piss them off so...I just wanted to make sure-"

"Bokuto-san." Keiji clears his throat. Bokuto tears his eyes away from the ground to meet Keiji's. "I  _really_ am enjoying myself today. And I'm enjoying myself even more because you're here with me. I...I enjoy every minute I spend with you, Bokuto."

Bokuto continues staring at Keiji, the aquarium casting blue hues all over his face - his slightly parted lips, round nose and shiny eyes. All of a sudden it feels too intense, and Keiji breaks the eye contact, swallowing before saying,

"It's getting late, we should go soon."

Keiji feels a hand close around his own. Casting a glance back, he realises it's Bokuto.

"Uh-" Bokuto starts to draw his hand away but Keiji holds on.

"It's crowded." He responds quickly. Bokuto nods in agreement and they weave through the crowd together to head towards the exit. They keep walking, with Keiji leading and Bokuto trailing and their hands linked, until they emerge from the building and are standing outside the aquarium again. Only then Keiji lets go.

 

They're back at the same place they had been in the morning, except that it's late afternoon and the clouds are dusted pink and orange.

"So, I'll see you another time then, Bokuto." Keiji says.

"W-wait!" Bokuto calls out hastily, throwing his hands out in front of him.

"Yes?" Keiji pauses.

"I-I have s-something to tell you," Bokuto splutters. Keiji notices that he's anxious about something, from the way he is hopping from one foot to another.

"What is it?" Keiji prompts gently. "I'm not going anywhere, Bokuto."

"Um...I..." Bokuto scrunches his shoulders together, hands clenching into fists by his side. "I...I like you, Akaashi."

Suddenly, everything seems to fall into place - all of the physical contact and how close Bokuto had been for almost all of today. Keiji's heart thrums in his chest, his head spins lightly and his mouth feels dry.

"Oh." Is the only sound Keiji manages to utter.

"Do you think...think you would wanna go out with me?" Bokuto continues.

He looks into Keiji's eyes, and he looks hopeful. Keiji runs it through his head. Dating Bokuto. He knows he had always cared deeply for the other man. Loving him wasn't a question. Of course Keiji loved Bokuto.

_It could work._

So Keiji looks back into Bokuto's eyes, into his eyes gleaming with hope, and he answers

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What about Kuroo though
> 
> I actually forgot the name 'sea dragon' and just remembered it was dragon + seahorse, and then I googled 'dragon horse'...


	6. Internal Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heartbreak, and (another) shower scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter briefly mentions a family member walking out/abandonment. Basically I've always headcanoned Kuroo to be raised by a single mum that he's really close to. So the first part contains a flashback on this, just a heads-up if it's a sensitive thing for anyone.
> 
> So yea in this chapter, Kuroo.

Tetsurou is eight, waiting outside the school gates and watching other children leave.

"Tetsurou!" A kid he recognises from his class stops beside him. "Is it true that you don't have a father?"

The question catches him off guard, and Tetsurou stutters.

"Huh? Uh yea."

Tetsurou doesn't know what else to say as the kid scrutinizes him. He knows everyone should have a mother and a father, but he doesn't know who his father is, or where he is. It has just always been that way. Eventually the kid's father arrives and he leaves to head home. Not long after, Tetsurou's mother arrives too. Her warm hand closes over his and he wants to push the doubts from his mind, to postpone the thinking to another day. But Tetsurou knows he can't. He  _needs_ to ask. So eight-year-old Tetsurou tugs on his mother's arm and asks about his father.

She tells him that his father left when he was young. She says it's okay, because she doesn't love him anymore, and she's got Tetsurou now. Tetsurou, her precious son.

She shows him photographs of his father. Tetsurou finds it hard to imagine someone that he only sees in photographs as his father. He wonders if his hands are warm and if his voice is gentle. But all he has is his mum, who loves him with every inch of her being and does her best to look after him. He tells himself that it's enough; he tells himself that he doesn't want or need a father.

He repeats it in front of the mirror, repeating and repeating until he starts to believe the words himself.

 

Tetsurou does his best to be a good son. Once he's strong enough, Tetsurou helps his mum carry the groceries. Once he's tall enough, he helps her chop the vegetables for dinner. Their lives work this way, mother and son helping one another, and they almost never think about that man who walked out the door many years ago.

Almost.

Tetsurou is ten and he sits with his relatives, who talk over him even though he is taller than the rest of his class. He stares at the snack in his hands but he listens and he knows what they are saying. They are talking about his mother, pitying her and only mentioning her husband in hushed whispers, as if her heart still aches for him. Why must they insist their family is incomplete when he already feels perfectly content? His mother's friends, on the other hand, are always saying she should get a boyfriend. He already knows that she doesn't want one. She braves the questions anyway, always waving them off with a smile while Tetsurou frowns with annoyance in her place.

 

Romantic love is fickle, he learns. That was how his mother had explained his father to him. She says that she doesn't hate him, and doesn't regret meeting him because that was how she got to have Tetsurou in her life. But she admits the way he loved her, then suddenly didn't anymore, was scary.

Tetsurou responds that he won't ever stop loving her, to which she laughs, and says that it's different.

"And you'll learn how."

But Tetsurou doesn't really know if he wants to learn how.

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou stretches his arms above his head and hears a satisfying crack in his back. He proceeds to roll each shoulder in succession before cracking his neck and fingers.

"Right. Back to work."

Tetsurou almost has his fingers back on the keyboard when he hears a buzz from his phone. He clicks his tongue, but reaches for his phone to open the message anyway.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I'm otw.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** cool. thanks a lot btw ;)

Well, since it sounds like dinner is almost here, Tetsurou decides that a break can't hurt. Besides, it is a  _Sunday_ , so technically he shouldn't be working. The only reason he is, is so that come Monday he won't have a shitload of things to deal with. He's just making things easier for himself. If he can finish this up today and send it on Monday morning, he can get a reply sooner and polish it up before the week ends. Ah, the light at the end of the tunnel. Tetsurou sighs, draping his lanky self over his computer chair and turning his head up at the ceiling.

 

A few minutes pass before he hears a knock. Tetsurou clambers to get up from his chair without toppling it over and strolls to the door, unlocking and pulling it open.

"Working on a Sunday?" Akaashi cocks his head. "Aren't you a workaholic."

"Yea yea, I'm just doing this so I don't have to come in early on Monday," Tetsurou waves his hand dismissively and grabs the box of food from Akaashi. "Thanks for helping me buy dinner, by the way, I'll pay you back."

"I was getting something for myself anyway." Akaashi shrugs nonchalantly, pulling off his sneakers and leaving them by the door as he follows Tetsurou into the kitchen. Akaashi washes his hands by the sink while Tetsurou digs around for two pairs of chopsticks.

They settle on the couch with their own box of food, balanced cautiously on their laps.

"So is this project finally finishing up?" Akaashi quips.

"Yes! God, finally." Tetsurou shoves a mouthful of rice into his mouth before continuing. "So we realised if they keep delaying the submission they're breaching our contract, unless they want to extend it which of course they don't want to, because that's like, more money for them."

"Mhmm. Sounds good," Akaashi hums in approval.

"Yeap. So we kind of backed them into a corner." Tetsurou shoots him a grin.

"Finish your food first, Kuroo." Akaashi shakes his head.

Tetsurou ducks his head down, acutely aware of the food stuck all over his teeth. They continue eating in silence and Tetsurou focuses his attention on grabbing pieces of vegetables between his chopsticks.

 

* * *

 

It's nearly 8PM, empty food boxes are in the trash and chopsticks are washed and stuck in the cutlery caddy to dry. Tetsurou has his feet propped up against the coffee table while Akaashi sits with his feet politely planted on the ground. Tetsurou's laptop is still perched on his table, left in sleepmode with his work half-done.

"You still have work to do, I should go." Akaashi gets up to leave.

"Wait." Tetsurou's hand shoots up before he can think better of it, securing around Akaashi's wrist.

"Yes?" Akaashi turns around with deliberate slowness.

"I need a break," Tetsurou blurts out.

"Didn't you already have a break?" Akaashi quips, but when Tetsurou tugs on his wrist again he willingly collapses next to Tetsurou on the couch.

"I need a better break." Tetsurou shifts so that he's facing Akaashi, wraps his arms around his waist and rests his chin on his shoulder.

"Kuroo," Akaashi starts, squirming in his grip. "I don't-"

"Oh, you're not in the mood?" Tetsurou draws back immediately, releasing Akaashi from his hold. "Shit, sorry."

"No I mean," Akaashi pauses, and turns around to face Tetsurou properly. "I was with Bokuto earlier."

"Yea?"

"And he confessed and asked me out."

"Oh." Tetsurou's heart comes to a stuttering stop.

"And... what did you say?"

"I said 'yes'."

No. Tetsurou thinks.  _No._

The words feel like betrayal. Suddenly, everything they've ever done and everything they've ever been is falling away. It meant nothing. They were nothing, really.

"I'm sorry Kuroo, I should have asked you-"

"No." Tetsurou says quickly, but he feels like he's speaking from somewhere really far away. "We were never a...thing. So it's fine."

He's shaking. He's shaking in disbelief, but still the words are sinking in too fast.

"I'm seeing Bokuto now so, we need to stop this...between us."

 

Tetsurou doesn't want this to end. He doesn't want to let Akaashi go. He doesn't want the dark messy hair, the flushed sun-kissed skin and the beautiful 5AM shadows to slip from his fingers like this. He wants his hands to find him when they wander; a second continent to his own body, both foreign and familiar. He wants to hear Akaashi cry for him, to say he wants him and needs him and to  _mean_ it. He doesn't want Akaashi closing the door on their night and to never return to his life the same way again.

Then it hits Tetsurou that he had been playing at love. All this time, he had been playing at love with Akaashi, and how he had fallen.

 

Akaashi is still talking.

"Kuroo? We're still friends."

"Yea, I know."

It hurts to look at Akaashi. It hurts to watch Akaashi sitting in front of him, pulling at the strings of his heart in all the wrong ways that have him bleeding dry.

"You're right, I still have work to do."

Akaashi regards him carefully, before slowly rising to his feet.

"Okay, I'll take my leave then."

Tetsurou walks him to the door. Akaashi looks down to put on his shoes, sloppily lacing up his sneakers before quickly rising to his feet again. When he looks up Tetsurou is holding the door open for him.

Akaashi pauses in the doorway.

"Kuroo, are you okay?"

"Yea," Tetsurou's answer comes in a sharp voice. He takes a pause, pinching the bridge of his nose and exhaling slowly, before continuing in a gentler tone. "I just really need to finish my work. I'm fine."

"Okay... Goodnight, Kuroo." Akaashi shoots him one last apprehensive glance before taking his leave.

Tetsurou knows the half-hearted smile he gives doesn't reach his eyes. But Akaashi doesn't say anything else so he closes the door behind him.

After the door clicks shut, Tetsurou is a mess.

 

* * *

 

Koutarou is ecstatic. Akaashi had agreed to go out with him! The whole thing feels like a dream, from holding hands in the chilly aquarium to confessing in the final hours of daylight. He had been nervous about the whole thing, only barely suppressing his nerves enough to go through the day. He was worried about being rejected, unsure if he could even deal with it. But Koutarou wasn't one to back down, so he pushed himself forward. Even if it meant clammy hands, a stuttering heart and tripping over all his words.

Akaashi smiled. Akaashi smiled and said yes.

Koutarou feels like he could pass out in the moment. He makes Akaashi repeat it - once, and then again just to be sure. Then Koutarou cheers, pumping his hands in the air as the tension finally leaves his body, replaced by joy. Spurred by blithe energy, he pecks a quick kiss on Akaashi's cheek. After pulling away, Koutarou gets to enjoy the way Akaashi's eyes widen in surprise and pink blossoms under his skin. He wishes he could stay. He wants to ask Akaashi to join him for dinner, but he already made plans with some old friends who wanted to see him.

Reluctantly, Koutarou waves goodbye, but not before promising to see him again, many more times after today.

 

Throughout dinner, Koutarou finds himself nearly blurting it out several times. But luckily, he catches himself every time, biting back on his excitement because Akaashi didn't say he could make it public yet. His friends were apprehensive of his jittering, but they've known him for years, and know better than to point it out. Instead, they lead him on a conversation about pro volleyball, which Koutarou gladly participates in.

"My mum got a video of one of your matches!" One of his friends say.

"Oh really? Which one?" Koutarou leans forward in his seat.

"The one in Florida?"

"Oh. Oh that was the one where I made three serve misses!" Koutarou gasps in horror. "No tell your mum to delete it please!"

"No way! I'm keeping video evidence of Kou-chan's  _uncool_ form forever!"

Koutarou claws at his face dramatically and for the rest of the evening they take turns teasing each other.

Dinner finishes soon enough, and Koutarou waves goodbye to his friends.

 

Koutarou returns to his apartment, pulls off his shoes and enters the house. His warm feet pad on the cold marble floors as he makes his way to the bathroom, humming a tune. As Koutarou fills the bathtub, he realises that he hasn't texted his best friend yet. Well, his  _other_ best friend, considering one of them just became his boyfriend. God, he still feels giddy with joy when he thinks about Akaashi as his boyfriend. Koutarou picks up his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he finds Kuroo.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** BRO GUESS WHAT???

With that amazing opening line sent, Koutarou undresses and enters the tub, leaving his phone by the side. He knows it's not the best thing to do; his phone could slip into the water, etc. But he needs to reply his best bro as soon as he answers. Heck, Koutarou thinks belatedly. He should have wrapped it in plastic if he was going to use it in the shower.

Koutarou slides into the tub until his ears are sitting just above the water and his knees are poking out awkwardly. He huffs, and smiles when it forms a trail of bubbles. He sneaks a glance at his phone, but resists the urge to pick it up and check it. If there's a message there will be a sound along with the notification, and there's no way he could miss it when it's in the bathroom with him. Kuroo is probably just busy with something else, Koutarou tells himself.

He had used more hairgel than usual today, almost as much as he does when he's playing a televised match - just to make sure the hairstyle stays for the whole day. Now Koutarou is combing his fingers through his hair, clicking his tongue every time they get stuck. It reminds him of the time he accidentally swapped his hair gel with Oikawa's. Koutarou's hair couldn't stay up at all while Oikawa complained that his was too stiff. Man, he needs to tell Kuroo that story too.

Still no reply, though.

Koutarou finally wrestles his fingers free and ducks his head under the shower to wash out the remaining gel. It's a pretty troublesome thing to go through daily, and he kind of wishes his hair would stand up naturally like Kuroo's. It's really just a bedhead, Kuroo had told him, and Koutarou has seen the way Kuroo sleeps at training camp. It was definitely a bedhead.

Koutarou sinks back into the warm water, now soapy with bubbles. He loves the way it makes him feel - warm. It's kind of the same way Koutarou feels when he's with Akaashi. It's the feeling in his chest when Akaashi looks at him and smiles. God, he is grinning again. He soaks for a while more before getting up, rinsing himself off and draining the water. When Koutarou is back on his feet, toweling himself down, he had soaked for so long his fingers and toes have turned wrinkly.

Yet when his hands are dry and he picks up his phone, there's still nothing from Kuroo.

Koutarou scowls, plopping down on the couch. It's not the first time Kuroo is late replying to him, but it is a Sunday evening, so he shouldn't have work. Well, he decides it's fine to send another text.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** BROOOO

Koutarou lies sprawled on his couch, damp hair and all, while holding his phone in his hand. He stays there for a few minutes, staring at his ceiling and wondering if it's still the same shade of white when his phone chimes with a new message. Koutarou jumps a little and scrambles to open it.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea?

With just a single word reply, Koutarou feels his face light up. Not missing a beat, Koutarou hastily types out a reply.

 **Bokuto Koutarou** : i aksed akaashi otu today and he said yes!!!!

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** im happy for you man

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** thanks!!! its liek wow i cant belieev it? hes my boyfreind now

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea its real cool bro

Koutarou frowns as he reads Kuroo's lacklustre replies. He was hoping Kuroo would be more enthusiastic about the news.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** kuroo man u alright?

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea im cool just got work to do

 **Bokuto Koutarou** : on a sunday??

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea it sucks

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** good luck man!!

 **Kuroo Tetsurou** : thanks

So Kuroo was doing work after all. After that Koutarou shrugs off the dispirited texts and leans back into the couch cushions. He decides to text Akaashi instead. Maybe he can ask him on another date. Maybe he should even bring flowers next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Kuroo. I don't know why I write so many detailed shower scenes. Well, important to practice good hygiene.
> 
> Anyway, I've never mentioned an updating schedule because I've been editing and posting chapters every other day, whenever I felt like it. I actually have a few chapters written out, so I think I'll start to post them weekly. I can't promise I'll post on a certain day of the week so I'll just say you can expect a new chapter every week!
> 
> Thanks for the support and comments! I read every one of them even if I don't reply because I'm starting to sound repetitive but you can expect my reaction is always grateful screaming and maybe a tear.


	7. Damage Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto helps out at the sports centre and Akaashi tries to resolve something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have called this chapter 'external bleeding' to go with the previous chapter but nah.
> 
> Anyway, FIRST BLOOD in this chapter, though it's not very much. There's also the brief mention of intrusive thoughts. I want to say this chapter is first tear but... /squints at chapter 4  
> First.. _sad_ tear I guess...

A ball whizzes pass his head, slamming into the floor behind him with a thud.

"Hey hey careful there!" Koutarou calls, though he easily scoops up the ball as if it didn't just narrowly miss his head.

"I'm so sorry!" The perpetrator bows in apology, a mess of bright orange hair falling into his face.

Koutarou loves helping out at the local sports centre. He's still on break, and he's just doing light training to maintain his body, so Koutarou has plenty of free time. Besides, he loves volleyball too much to step away from it, so Koutarou helps elementary kids learn to play.

"W-will I get kicked out? Oh no, what if I can never play volleyball again-"

"Relax!" Koutarou barks a laugh, reaching out to ruffle the kid's hair. "What's your name?"

"Hinata Shouyou! I'm 11 years old!" The kid straightens up, and Koutarou notes that he barely comes up to his shoulders.

Just as Koutarou is about to introduce himself, a chirpy voice interrupts him.

"Boku-chan! You're here too?"

Koutarou spins around, coming face-to-face with a certain brunette.

"Oikawa!" Koutarou's eyes widen in surprise.

Oikawa throws him a peacesign just as a shorter man enters the gym.

"Oh, you're both here already." Sawamura runs a hand through his short-cropped hair. "Again, thanks for helping out."

"It's no problem! I taught my nephew volleyball too so it's just like that except-" Oikawa pauses to scan the group of children that have gathered around them. "-with 10 of him!"

"Oikawa! I thought you said the timezone screwed up your sleep and you were gonna catch up on your 'beauty sleep' once you got back!" Koutarou frowns. With Oikawa around it would probably be easier to give more attention to each child. However, at the same time Koutarou loved the attention  _they_ gave him - small children that barely came up to his chin calling him 'Bokuto-sensei', eyes sparkling in admiration. Now he had to share the class with Oikawa. What if the children liked Oikawa more? Koutarou frowns harder.

"Well Boku-chan, I decided that I was beautiful enough so I didn't need  _that_ much beauty sleep, so I came to help Sawamura since he had a bigger class this time." Oikawa shrugs.

"Alright class!" Sawamura claps his hands together for attention, and it's astonishing how he holds such a firm voice of authority that even the cheekiest-looking kids quickly turn to face him. "This is Oikawa-sensei and Bokuto-sensei who had kindly decided to use their time off from the national team-"

Koutarou watches some kids exchange excited looks and his chest swells with pride.

"-to teach you volleyball, so make sure you take your classes with them seriously." Sawamura finishes. He casts a quick glance around the room before nodding and leaving the group with Oikawa and Koutarou. Koutarou loves the way Sawamura made them sound important, even though Koutarou really just enjoyed helping out anyway.

 

"What do you usually start with, Boku-chan?" Oikawa turns to Koutarou.

"Uh..." Koutarou is glad that Oikawa is asking him, but he usually has no lesson plan and just goes with whatever he feels like doing. "I make everyone introduce themselves 'cause I want to know everyone's names, but the shy ones don't do so well with it, so maybe we shouldn't do that..."

"Hmm..." Oikawa hums, walking to the side and picking up a ball. "Okay, I want all of you to form a line! Each of you will take turns to say your names so Bokuto-sensei and I get to know all of you, then I will serve a ball to you and I want you to receive it so we can see how good you are, is that alright?"

"Yes!" The group answers with a chorus.

The group seem to argue amongst themselves about how the line should be formed, and somehow they decide it should be formed based on height. So the first student that steps out is a shaky and timid-looking blonde girl.

"I-I-I'm Y-Yachi Hitoka..." she says, barely getting the syllables out.

"Hello Hitoka-chan," Oikawa greets gently. "I'm going to gently serve the ball to you okay? Do you think you can receive it?"

"I-I'll try..." she answers, and shifts her hands to get ready to receive. She's still shaking badly, and Koutarou wishes he could help her but decides to leave it to Oikawa.

Oikawa lines up a serve, and true to his word, sends the tamest serve Koutarou has ever seen directly at her arms. Unfortunately, the receive goes awry and the ball bounces off her arms and flies over her shoulders. Hitoka lets out a yelp, and Koutarou quickly runs after and stops the ball before it bounces away.

With the ball safely tucked under his arm, Koutarou walks towards her, squatting down so that he can look up at her.

"Do you want to try again?" Koutarou asks.

"I...I don't know..." Hitoka answers, twisting her fingers nervously. Koutarou thinks she's probably disappointed that she didn't make a good receive, but seems afraid to try again.

"Do you want to try again if I teach you?"

"Okay," Hitoka replies, and Koutarou smiles at her before getting up and tossing the ball at Oikawa. He's thankful that the class seems patient enough to give Hitoka another try, and he wastes no time in guiding the small girl's hands together. Watching her earlier receive, Koutarou had already picked up her mistakes. If she corrects them, and with Oikawa's easy serve, Hitoka should be able to receive the next ball properly.

"So when the ball comes, you bend your hips like this-" Koutarou demonstrates. "And send the ball back to Oikawa-sensei!"

"Like this?" Hitoka repeats his action.

"Yeap! You're a fast learner, Hitoka-chan!"

Hitoka blushes at the compliment, but quickly faces front as Oikawa gets ready to serve the ball. She looks much more confident this time, and Koutarou thinks she'll definitely get the receive right this time.

Oikawa serves the ball, a gentle and easy arc towards her arms. Hitoka repeats what Koutarou had showed her, and sends the ball flying forward. It doesn't return directly back to Oikawa, but it's a great improvement from her previous receive.

"Good job, Hitoka-chan!" Oikawa praises as he takes a few quick steps to catch the ball she returned. The class claps, and Hitoka hides her face, but Koutarou can see the smile pulling at her cheeks.

Koutarou really loves helping out at the sports centre.

 

Playing on the national team was very different from playing on a high school team. First of all, being in the nation's top five hardly meant anything anymore when he was playing alongside the top three. The rooster wasn't set in stone, and unlike in Fukurodani, Koutarou wasn't their shining ace. He had to earn every chance on the court. Koutarou loved challenges, and strived to draw out that miracle 110%. However, along with good plays there were bad plays, and some days Koutarou couldn't spike pass the blocks at all. No matter how good Oikawa's tosses were, Koutarou's hand striking the ball would still feel  _wrong_ and the slap of the ball against the block _t oo bad._ No matter how much Koutarou scrambled to get himself back together, telling himself to  _calm down,_ his blood only ran hotter and his actions more fevered and erroneous. Eventually he would be swapped out in one of those moods, the temperamental spiker of the team.

Koutarou tried not to think about that too much.

 

"Bokuto-sensei!" He feels someone tugging on his shirt.

"Hmm?" Koutarou turns around to see the orange-haired boy he had met before the class started. "Shouyou?"

"Receives are boring! I want to practice spiking!" Shouyou exclaims.

Before Koutarou can reply, Shouyou's practice partner is barking at him.

"Oi come back here! Your receives still suck!"

Shouyou winces at the voice.

"Kageyama-kun is so mean." Shouyou scowls.

"He sure looks sour," Koutarou agrees, but he says this only loudly enough for Shouyou to hear. "Hey Shouyou, what position do you want to play?"

"Ace!" Shouyou answers brightly. "What position do you play, Bokuto-sensei?"

"I'm a wing spiker!" Koutarou replies.

"Oooooh! A wing spiker on the national team! You must be really good!" Shouyou's eyes are positively sparkling as he speaks excitedly, and Koutarou only feeds off his energy.

"Well I guess I'm pretty good!" Koutarou agrees without a hint of modesty.

"Bokuto-sensei! Teach me how to spike!" Shouyou is jumping about, unable to contain his bubbly energy.

Even though Oikawa had only planned for them to practice receives today, Koutarou thinks it couldn't hurt to do a  _little_ bit of spiking practice with this boy, especially when he was bouncing about calling Koutarou 'cool' and 'the best in japan' and even more compliments that had Koutarou melting.

Meanwhile, Shouyou's partner had given up on getting Shouyou to rejoin him, and had gone to ask Oikawa something.

 

For the next fifteen minutes, before class ended for the day, Koutarou tosses for Shouyou to let him practice spiking, and throws in some tips that he wasn't sure would be helpful, but Shouyou seems to understand anyway. The other children seem content to practice receives with each other, since they were still not very good at it. With more practice, Hitoka is getting pretty good at receives and even helping others with it. Koutarou feels proud of her.

"Alright, that's the end of class!" Oikawa announces. The group gathers around them, bowing and thanking Oikawa and Koutarou. Shouyou runs up to Koutarou as the rest of the class disperses.

"Bokuto-sensei! Will you teach me how to spike again?" Shouyou asks.

"Of course!" Koutarou grins. He glances around at the other children, and bends so that he can speak into Shouyou's ear. "I think you'll be a great ace!"

Shouyou looks up at Koutarou, eyes shining like stars and nods frantically.

"Thank you Bokuto-sensei!" He bows again before running off.

Koutarou knows he shouldn't have favourites in a class but he thinks Shouyou is his favourite. Teaching Shouyou and having him look up to Koutarou really made him feel proud of his abilities. Koutarou is on the national team! He plays on Shouyou's TV!

Koutarou walks home with a light skip in his step and the hum of a tune on his lips.

 

* * *

 

**Akaashi Keiji:** I'm still holding onto some of your things, do you want me to send them back?

Tetsurou stares at the new message on his phone. It's been a few days since he had seen Akaashi. After he left that day, Akaashi had sent Tetsurou a message asking if Tetsurou needs space. As petty as it felt, Tetsurou had not replied, and Akaashi took it as a 'yes' and did not send any more messages after.

Until this message, today.

**Akaashi Keiji:** If you still need space I understand. I can leave it at your address.

He hates it, but Tetsurou still feels gratified at the prospect of seeing Akaashi. He had loved it each time Akaashi was over, after all.

**Kuroo Tetsurou:** no you can come over. you should take your things too.

 

After Akaashi left on Sunday, Tetsurou couldn't find motivation to finish his work anymore. What had been an important draft he had been so proud of was reduced to lines on a screen with too bright of a glare. In the end he stayed overtime on Monday to get it done. The overtime felt good. Throwing all of his focus into work had distracted him from whatever ache he was feeling. So for the rest of the week Tetsurou continued to stay way later than he usually did - until today, because the work actually finished.

Tetsurou had no work to do. So he went home.

Home to where the walls are empty after Tetsurou rips off every post-it about work, and his thoughts bounce around now that there are no more distractions to consume them. He hadn't bothered to turn on the lights when he knows his house enough to find his way to the couch, collapsing on it.

Tetsurou doesn't know how long he sits for, but a knock startles him out of his daze. He walk over to the door and opens it to see Akaashi standing in his doorway. It's weird, how familiar it feels and yet there's something off. It's the bag Akaashi is holding in his hand - is holding out to Tetsurou.

"Your things," he says.

Tetsurou takes it, peering inside as he does. Trust Akaashi to have his clothes folded neatly; a set of work clothes, a few shirts and even a pair of jeans. Akaashi had even returned Tetsurou's old shirts that he had said were comfortable and liked to wear to sleep. Tetsurou won't have minded if Akaashi kept them, seeing as Akaashi probably wore them more than Tetsurou himself, but here they are.

"Why is it dark?" Akaashi peers behind Tetsurou's shoulder into the house. "And this."

Akaashi peels off a stray post-it that had stuck to Tetsurou's shirt. He reads about three words on the hastily-scribbled note before Tetsurou grabs it from him and crumbles it.

"Work stuff," Tetsurou explains. "And I had a headache, so the lights are off."

"Okay..." Akaashi nods slowly.

"Anyway, your stuff. Yea." Tetsurou turns back into his house, flicking on the lights as he does. Akaashi follows behind quietly. "I haven't had time to sort them, so can you pick them out yourself?"

"Yea," Akaashi answers as he enters Tetsurou's room.

 

Tetsurou watches from the doorway as Akaashi opens his wardrobe and starts searching for the clothes he had left here. It feels bizarre to have Akaashi in his room like this, crinkling his nose at the mess in Tetsurou's wardrobe and digging through disorderly piles of clothes in search of his own. It feels too normal. Tetsurou shouldn't be  _here_ in the doorway, so far away from Akaashi and not at all touching him. Akaashi shouldn't be  _there_ at his wardrobe, refolding all his clothes and determined to make everything tidy, when it's always a mess at the end of the night. Tetsurou should be pushing Akaashi onto the bed, kissing him, peeling his shirt off to run his hands all over the skin he knows so well. Akaashi should be pulling Tetsurou towards him, kissing on his neck and pressing their hips together and moaning-

And Tetsurou shouldn't be thinking these things. Not when they don't have that anymore. Not when they're not allowed to anymore.

So Tetsurou is only left to watch. To watch as Akaashi picks himself out from Tetsurou's life; removing every bit of himself he had left here and returning every bit of Tetsurou that had been left with Akaashi. Akaashi is drawing a new line, over the one they blurred when they started sharing clothes and beds and intimacy. Akaashi is putting distance between them again, which feels silly when they've already learnt each other's bodies so well. Akaashi is returning everything they've ever shared. Why is it so easy for him?

Even if Akaashi removes all his clothes from Tetsurou's wardrobe, he will still leave his ghost behind. A ghost that had cooked in his kitchen, sat on his couch and slept in his bed. It will always feel like Akaashi had lived in his house.

"I think that's all." Akaashi closes Tetsurou's wardrobe while balancing a small pile of clothes on his arm.

Akaashi is done with whatever he had came here for, and it occurs to Tetsurou that he's going to leave.

"Wait." Tetsurou gets up from where he had been leaning on the doorway. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Will it be a bother?" Akaashi asks.

"Of course not," Tetsurou responds with a small smile.

"Thank you." Akaashi smiles back.

 

It has been days since Tetsurou had cooked anything. He simply hadn't felt like cooking, and wasn't even planning on cooking tonight. Now having invited Akaashi to stay for dinner on a whim, Tetsurou has to make something.

He checks his cupboards and finds a box of curry paste. Curry is fairly easy to make, he just needs to find some vegetables to go into it. Then he can cook some rice to go with it.

Tetsurou starts pulling ingredients onto the counter - potatoes, carrots and onions. He can't find any meat in the fridge, but that's fine. He washes a heaped cup of rice and sets it to cook in the rice cooker. Then he starts peeling and chopping the vegetables.

Akaashi is waiting in the living room. Usually Tetsurou cooks by himself anyway, so Akaashi doesn't bother offering any help.

Anyway, this distance between them is perfect. Tetsurou needs to get used to it anyway.

The knife moves under his hands, slicing through the carrot and hitting the chopping board with a dull thud. Thud, thud. It's a rhythm he's familiar with, one he doesn't really need to think about.

Thud, thud.

His hands feel a little sluggish today, but he's sure it's just because he hadn't been cooking.

Thud, thud.

It's not because he's thinking about Akaashi and Akaashi drawing a line between them and how it feels like  _he_ 's the one controlling the knife and cutting-

Red. There's red on the chopping board.

No, Tetsurou realises belatedly. It is blood oozing from his finger; blood gathering into a big glob and falling onto the chopping board, leaving red everywhere.

Tetsurou had cut into his finger.

"Shit!" he curses, dropping the knife and pulling his hand away before he bleeds onto anything else. The pain only hits him now, biting like a sharp sting.

"Kuroo?" Akaashi peeks into the kitchen. He notices Tetsurou pulling away from the counter cradling his hand and immediately puts two and two together. "Kuroo!"

Akaashi swiftly enters the kitchen and approaches Tetsurou.

"Show me." He pries Tetsurou's bleeding hand towards him. "Have you washed it?"

Tetsurou shakes his head. Then he feels Akaashi's warm hand guiding him to the sink, under a gentle stream of cold water. The water rolls over his skin, leaving a cool sensation as it runs over his palm and trails down his fingers - then it burns against his wound.

"Fuck," Tetsurou curses, wincing and pulling his hand away. He's held in place for a moment longer, and then Akaashi is turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. Tetsurou watches as fresh blood rises and escapes from his wound again. Then paper towels are soaking it up, pressed onto his wound by Akaashi's hands.

"Hold this," he instructs, pulling up Tetsurou's good hand to replace his own before letting go and hastily leaving the kitchen. Tetsurou does as he's told, holding the paper towels against his finger even as they start to turn a startling red. Tetsurou doesn't think he has bled all that much but he's starting to feel light-headed, so he lowers himself and settles down on the floor instead.

Akaashi returns soon enough, and Tetsurou observes the slightest flash of panic when he catches sight of Tetsurou on the floor. Akaashi quickly crouches beside him; gauze, medical tape and scissors in hand.

"Kuroo, are you okay?" His voice is laced with concern and his brows furrowed in worry.

Tetsurou answers with a shrug.

"Show me the wound," Akaashi huffs, pulling Tetsurou's hand towards him once more, along with the mess of paper towels. He discards the paper towels, covering the wound with a piece of gauze instead, securing it in place with tape. The gauze fills up with some blood, but soon the bleeding halts.

Following that Akaashi starts fussing over Tetsurou.

"Does it hurt a lot? Are you okay?" Akaashi asks as he rests Tetsurou's hand in his.

"I'm fine now, thanks," Tetsurou answers sluggishly.

"Really? Tell me if it starts hurting a lot, or if you want me to change the gauze." Akaashi starts rubbing his thumb over Tetsurou's knuckles - a small, but comforting gesture.

"Okay, but I'm fine, really." Tetsurou forces a small smile. Akaashi rubs his hand a few more times before pulling away, and Tetsurou immediately laments the lack of contact.

"Just be more careful," Akaashi chides as he helps Tetsurou to stand. After a pause, Akaashi adds "I'll cook dinner. Just vegetables and curry right? You can rest on the sofa."

"Thanks Akaash," Tetsurou says softly as he settles on the couch. Akaashi hovers around him for a few moments warily, before returning to the kitchen.

 

Akaashi was worried about him.

Tetsurou lifts his hand up against his eyes to observe the bandage. There's a moderately-sized spot of blood on the gauze, and Tetsurou thinks it probably needs to be changed later.

Akaashi had seen him injured, and ran up to him because he was worried. Then, Akaashi had taken it upon himself to clean and dress Tetsurou's wound.

Because Tetsurou had gotten injured, Akaashi fussed over him.

He knows he shouldn't feel this way. He should be upset at his own carelessness. But Tetsurou feels gratified.

If a wound gets Akaashi to turn and run to his side, maybe Tetsurou should have gotten himself injured more. If bleeding all over a handful of paper towels got Akaashi to hold Tetsurou's hand and ask worriedly, over and over again, "are you okay?", then the pain was worth something. If lying sprawled on the kitchen floor gets panic flitting across Akaashi's face and might get Akaashi to pull Tetsurou to rest in his arms, then the nausea was worth it.

If it gets Akaashi to stay, Tetsurou might even do it on purpose.

Shit.

Shit. He shouldn't think of those things. It's screwed up and he needs to stop thinking it.

Tetsurou runs his good hand through his hair, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. He turns his attention to the kitchen, where Akaashi had picked up where he left off. He must've washed the knife and chopping board and salvaged what he could of the carrot. Now he seems to be chopping up the potato. Akaashi works slower than Tetsurou - his hands are more cautious, deeply aware of the sharp blade.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

He's right. Even after Akaashi leaves, this moment will remain too vivid for him to forget. Tetsurou will remember where Akaashi had stood in his kitchen and the sound of the knife hitting the chopping board. Unknowingly, Akaashi is leaving himself everywhere. It will be impossible to pretend Akaashi had never lived in his house.

Tetsurou listens to the dull thud of the knife, anchoring his thoughts with the rhythm and trying not to think of his own hand, the blood and Akaashi worrying.

 

"Kuroo."

Tetsurou looks up to see Akaashi holding a plate of curry and rice at him. He realises he must have drifted off at some point.

"Oh, thanks." He accepts the plate, pulling it towards himself and settling it on his lap.

They eat in silence, punctuated only by the soft clink of cutlery. After they finish their food, Akaashi sets his plate on the coffee table and turns towards Tetsurou.

"Let me change the gauze."

Tetsurou doesn't say anything back, just holds out his hand to Akaashi. Akaashi takes hold of his hand and carefully peels off the tape from his finger. He removes the bloodied gauze and replaces it with a fresh piece, holding it in place with new tape. Tetsurou watches Akaashi work, slender fingers pressing gauze and tape into place. Even after fixing the new bandage, Akaashi continues holding Tetsurou's hand in his.

"Did I make you upset?" Akaashi keeps his gaze on their hands, where he is slowly running his thumb over Tetsurou's knuckles.

Tetsurou lets his hand rest limply in Akaashi's hold.

"If I did, I'm sorry," Akaashi continues, gently rubbing circles onto the back of Tetsurou's hand. "I should've talked it over with you. I shouldn't have decided by myself."

"It's alright," Tetsurou answers, voice small. "It was your choice, really."

"Kuroo..." Akaashi looks up from their hands.

"Don't take your 'yes' back," Tetsurou says. "I'm happy for both of you."

Akaashi shifts, rises to his knees and pulls Tetsurou into a hug.

"Please don't think that I don't want you, or anything like that." Akaashi presses his face into the side of Tetsurou's head. "You're still important to me, and I still care a lot about you."

Tetsurou snakes his arms around Akaashi's waist and pulls him into his lap.

"I still want us to be friends," Akaashi continues, wrapping his hands tighter around Tetsurou's shoulders. "Let's be friends, like we always were, okay?"

Tetsurou squeezes his eyes shut, forcing back the tears behind his lids. He presses his hands against Akaashi's back.

"Okay."

Akaashi pulls away, and Tetsurou doesn't miss the way he hurriedly rubs at his eyes before looking up again. He moves away from Tetsurou's lap, where he had gracelessly been pulled into, untangling their limbs.

"So...do you want me to stay or?" Akaashi questions.

"It's alright," Tetsurou answers. "You don't have to stay."

"Okay." Akaashi rises to his feet. Tetsurou pulls out his clothes from the bag Akaashi had packed them in, replacing them with Akaashi's own. He walks Akaashi to the door and hands the bag to him.

"Goodnight Akaashi," Tetsurou says with a small smile.

"Goodnight Kuroo," Akaashi says back, and then as if as an afterthought, "Take care."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mhmm if you thought the angst was over well nope it's not! Anyway I'd love to hear what you guys think of this scene, and what you think about Akaashi's attempts to 'clear them up'. It's always nice to hear how my writing is interpreted and whether I'm doing alright because sometimes...I confuse myself while writing...
> 
> I've just started getting busier but hopefully I can keep up the weekly updates, so see you guys next week! And as usual thank you for reading!


	8. Sensibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date and a step forward/back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was edited pretty hastily so sorry if the grammar's kinda wonky (but then again, my grammar as a whole is kinda wonky whoops). Anyway I meant to edit and post this earlier but I had so much work I couldn't really use my hands at the end of each day. Plus I've been thinking really hard about the plot and everything /confused and nervous laugh
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter!

It is 5 years ago and Kuroo and Keiji are sitting cross legged in Keiji's bedroom, in an attempt to study for the upcoming exams. The arrangement came about when Keiji discovered that Kuroo was 'surprisingly good at his studies', and with his own upperclassmen fairing just well enough to continue club activities, Keiji decided his best bet was asking Kuroo for help. Unfortunately, spring was starting to warm up to summer, and heat seeps through the floorboards and the plaster walls, stifling their brains from focus.

As lethargy creeps into their bones and their pencils gradually cease movement, Keiji leans back and rests his head against the side of his bed.

"I think my parents don't love each other."

The comment sounds nonchalant, like Keiji could simply be talking about the weather.

"Why do you think that?" Kuroo prompts, raising his eyebrows from where he's seated across the table. "Do they fight?"

"Sometimes, but it's more like-" Keiji pauses and looks down at his hands. "They always find things about each other to be upset about."

"Hmm..." Kuroo hums, spinning his pencil between his fingers. "Well I won't really know, 'cause my dad left so it's just me and my mum, but we get along pretty well so I guess that's okay."

"Oh." Keiji looks up at Kuroo. "I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's cool." Kuroo waves it off. "So, it bothers you that your parents don't seem to like each other?"

"A little..." Keiji nods. "Like my mum nags a lot and my dad is too stubborn to listen so she becomes annoyed, and they're always bemoaning each other. It makes me wonder why they ever got married in the first place."

"I see." Kuroo leans back and folds his arms behind his head.

"I think I'm just afraid of ending up like them," Keiji continues, considering his words carefully. "To end up with someone I don't love, and having to live the rest of my life with them."

"Akaashi." Kuroo sits up. "You're seventeen."

"I'm aware," Keiji retorts, miffed.

"Yea, you're seventeen," Kuroo goes on. "So stop worrying about it."

Keiji hums and returns to his work. But the thought doesn't quite leave his mind.

 

* * *

 

Keiji never really imagined dating Bokuto. But then again, he never imagined dating anyone.

It's been a week since Keiji started dating Bokuto.

"So...tonight, dinner at 7?" Keiji speaks into the phone.

"Yeap! I'll come pick you up!" Bokuto's enthusiastic voice replies.

"Ah- you don't have to," Keiji hurriedly protests. "We can just meet at the station."

"Oh okay," Bokuto concedes. "So I'll see you at the station!"

"Yea." Keiji smiles.

Keiji never really wanted to date anyone, but if it was Bokuto, he didn't mind.

 

At six, Keiji flings open his closet. It's been a long time since he had dressed for something other than work. Keiji only owns work clothes, and then an assortment of casual wear. He can't remember the last time he went shopping for clothes. He hopes he can find something decent to wear.

It feels ridiculous. He had met Bokuto so many times. Bokuto had seen him in ill-fitting shirts, questionable fashion choices and even soaked in sweat in his volleyball gear. Bokuto had pretty much seen his worst, so it feels ridiculous trying to dress up for him. Well, it is a  _date_ , Keiji justifies.

So he's back to digging through his wardrobe and hoping he bought a nice shirt somewhere.

Finally, Keiji finds a shirt at the back of his closet. He can't remember the last time he had worn it, and hopes it doesn't smell stale. It's a dark blue button-up that Keiji had gotten as a birthday gift from his volleyball team's managers. They probably saw him in casual wear once and decided he needed at least one good shirt. Keiji silently expresses his gratitude as he puts on the shirt and finds that it still fits him. He matches it with a pair of black jeans. There, he is ready, and with enough time to get there early. Keiji always takes pride in punctuality, even though he's pretty sure Bokuto will be late.

Bokuto isn't late.

In fact, he's even earlier than Keiji, standing in front of the station as Keiji arrives. Another thing, Keiji observes, is that Bokuto has dressed up. He's wearing a light denim shirt, rolled up to his elbows in a nice way that shows off his arms, and a pair of brown slacks. He wonders if someone on his team had helped him pick out that outfit, because it  _matches_ and it  _works_ and-

"Akaashi!" Bokuto's voice breaks Keiji's train of thought. "You look really good!"

"So do you," Keiji says quickly, ducking his head as he feels his neck burn.

"Oh." Bokuto blinks. Keiji doesn't look up to see if he's flustered, but the pause speaks enough.

"W-we should...go to-" Keiji starts, gracelessly stumbling over his words. "Uh, where do you want to eat?"

"Oh! I actually wanted to go to that yakiniku place, I still haven't been there since I came back but do you want to eat yakiniku?" Bokuto replies, voice trailing into a ramble. "Or do you want something else? Like maybe ramen?"

"Yakiniku sounds good," Keiji agrees.

 

Keiji feels nostalgia as soon as they step into the restaurant.

It's the yakiniku place they used to go to as a team for celebratory meals. It's a place that holds fond memories. Their table was always the loudest - his team mates too ecstatic about their win to control their volume. Keiji used to worry about disturbing the establishment, but the owners never seemed to mind, instead delighting in their youthful energy. Bokuto always bragged about his 'awesome spikes', retelling them as if the entire team was blind during the game. But really, Keiji didn't mind, because Bokuto was happy and he only made himself happier. It was Bokuto's favourite yakinuku place, but also so much more.

"Yasuda-san!" Bokuto greets loudly as soon as he enters the establishment.

A lady who looks to be in her early fifties walks up from the counter.

"Bokuto-kun! It's been a while!" She exclaims, and Keiji watches the way her face lights up at the sight of Bokuto.

"Yea it has! I miss the yakiniku here sooo much!" Bokuto responds.

"Come in, come in!" Yasuda leads them into the restaurant. "I saw your games on TV! You're doing really well in the team huh, Bokuto-kun?"

"Yea! I've been improving my serves and soon I'll be a no-touch ace!" Bokuto beams.

"Yes, we're all proud of you," Yasuda laughs, patting Bokuto on the shoulder as he takes his seat. "Oh! You're...Akaashi-kun, aren't you?"

"Yes, I was on the Fukurodani volleyball team with Bokuto-san," Keiji supplies. He hasn't been here in the past half a year either, and was touched that she could still recall his name.

"Oh! You're the polite one who always apologised for the team," Yasuda recalls.

Keiji flushes.

"Yes, that was me."

 

After a bit more small talk, where Bokuto recounted his 'cool moments' to Yasuda, they ordered their food and Yasuda left them alone.

"You seem to know Yasuda-san pretty well," Keiji remarks.

"Well I do come here pretty often!" Bokuto explains. "She always asks about the games, how my team is and everything. Actually she kinda treats me like her son."

"I can see that." Keiji cracks a small smile.

Soon their food arrives - bowls of meat and vegetables. The staff starts up the grill and Bokuto starts grilling pieces of meat. Apart from eggs, barberque is pretty much the only thing Keiji trusts Bokuto with. Bokuto loves grilled meat with a passion that rivals Kuroo's love for salted mackerel, that - Keiji is well aware of. He watches as Bokuto sets as many pieces of meat as he can on the grill, chopsticks twitching impatiently as he waits for them to cook.

"Akaaaaashi, why does it take so long?" Bokuto whines as he checks the meat again.

"Bokuto, this isn't your first time having yakiniku." Keiji rolls his eyes. "You have to wait for it to cook."

"They should make yakiniku grills that cook faster," Bokuto huffs.

As the meat turns a nice brown, Bokuto picks a few pieces off the grill and sets them on a plate. Keiji expects Bokuto to put them in his mouth immediately and scald himself, so he's about to warn Bokuto when Bokuto hands the plate to Keiji.

"Here," Bokuto says, holding out the plate of meat to Keiji. "Gotta let my date eat first."

"Thank you." Keiji accepts the plate, somewhat abashed but mostly deeply moved by Bokuto's gesture. Bokuto hardly ever offers his yakiniku meat to anyone, not to mention the first few pieces. Keiji picks up a piece with his chopsticks, gently blowing off the steam before biting into it. Despite Bokuto's impatience, it was grilled perfectly.

Meanwhile, Bokuto is picking off the other cooked pieces, putting them in his mouth and replacing the vacated spots on the grill with fresh pieces. Keiji grills the vegetables, and sets a few pieces on Bokuto's plate as well.

"Why do I have to eat vegetables at a yakiniku place?" Bokuto scowls.

"Just eat the few I gave you," Keiji retorts.

Bokuto continues pulling a sullen face, but eats the vegetables without any more complain.

Keiji watches as Bokuto continues to grill the meat with care, picking them up before they start to char and placing a piece on Keiji's plate and the next on his own. Keiji, Bokuto, Keiji, Bokuto. Keiji had always eaten yakiniku with a group. It was always rowdy and noisy and if Keiji didn't keep an eye on his meat pieces, they would be swiped off the grill by someone else. Today is different. For a start, it is much more peaceful and Keiji's food isn't mysteriously vanishing. In fact, food is being _handed_ to him. It actually feels nice to be sharing the grill when he didn't have to constantly be on alert. It feels nice to share it with just Bokuto.

It feels more intimate, too.

Keiji chances a glance at Bokuto, who is still focused on the grill. It's cute, he thinks, the way Bokuto's brows furrow and his tongue pokes out between his teeth as he carefully flips each piece with his chopsticks. Keiji used to spend more time with Bokuto. Back in high school, they always practiced together and even hung out together. Now Bokuto practices with different people and hangs out with other different people too. Keiji misses how close he used to be with Bokuto, and how much more their lives overlapped.

"Akaashi?"

Keiji looks up at the mention of his name.

"You...looked like you were spacing out," Bokuto comments.

"Oh." Keiji sits up. "I was just thinking about...high school, I guess."

"Mhmm," Bokuto hums, stirring his drink. "Playing on the national team is great and all but sometimes I miss Fukurodani too. I miss having you as my setter."

"Isn't Oikawa-san a good setter?" Keiji quips.

"He is! But like...it's not the same," Bokuto pouts. "You were like...the best setter."

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto smiles, a smaller and more subdued smile than his usual.

 

After they finish the rest of the food and their drinks, Bokuto pays for the both of them before Keiji can protest. Yasuda waves them off as Bokuto promises to bring his team to eat another time.

They walk back to the station, dark sky hanging overhead and hands swinging between them. Keiji wonders what it would be like to catch his hand and to hold them together. The other time they had held hands at the aquarium, Bokuto's hand had been warm against his, and Keiji liked that feeling.

Keiji hadn't really thought about dating Bokuto, but he had wondered what if would be like if Bokuto's hand lingered on his shoulder longer, if he didn't just hug him but also picked him up and spun him around, if Keiji never stopped playing volleyball and if Keiji never left Bokuto's side.

But his thoughts are pushed to the backseat when Bokuto hooks his pinky around Keiji's - a small, tentative contact. He was asking if it was okay. He was asking if more was okay. Keiji pries their fingers apart and slips his hand into Bokuto's.

Yes, it was okay.

They walk to the station with their hands linked and swinging gently between them. It feels so much better than emptier and colder hands. Bokuto starts talking about helping out at the sports centre, telling Keiji about the young boy who wants to be an ace, and the little girl who got pretty good at receives. When they get to the station, Bokuto goes quiet, staring down at his shoes.

"Bokuto?" Keiji ducks down, trying to peer at Bokuto's face.

Bokuto looks up slowly, and Keiji realises his cheeks are dusted pink. Their hands hang interlinked between them, and Bokuto slowly brings his free hand up against Keiji's cheek. His gaze is intense, irises golden and pupils dilated as they stare at Keiji. His fingers brush against the side of Keiji's face and Keiji leans into the touch.

Bokuto leans towards Keiji.

Keiji closes his eyes, tilting with the hand pressed against his face until he feels Bokuto's lips on his.

Surprisingly soft.

Then Bokuto is pulling away, and it hits Keiji that  _he just kissed Bokuto._ Blood flushes into his cheeks.

"Akaashi..." Bokuto begins softly. "Do you...want to hang out at my place?"

Keiji bites his lip as he considers.

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

Bokuto's place is messier than Keiji remembers. He steps in front of Keiji, quickly sweeping the pile of empty food wrappers from the table into the dustbin. Keiji moves the laptop left on the couch to the coffee table before taking a seat.

"Sorry," Bokuto mumbles as he settles next to Keiji, shoulders and knees brushing.

Bokuto starts to talk again, telling him about the time he accidentally swapped hair gel with Oikawa, and the hilarious outcomes. He also tells interesting stories from his travels, like how they tried to order room service and got some weird breakfast they've never seen in Japan. Keiji listens with interest, and as Bokuto talks they lean closer and closer, until Keiji is leaning on Bokuto's chest and Bokuto's hand is resting on Keiji's thigh.

Then Bokuto finishes up a story and there's a lull that leaves them staring at each other. Keiji won't mind if Bokuto continued talking, but he won't mind if they did something else either. Bokuto's hand moves up to Keiji's shoulder, and Keiji turns so they're facing each other. He's giving Keiji the same look. The same look he gave before they kissed. So this time Keiji leans forward, Bokuto closes the gap and the kiss is different.

Bokuto kisses him slowly and Keiji kisses back, lips moving to follow his rhythm. The hands on Keiji's shoulders press against him, leaning him back onto the couch. Their lips break apart when Keiji adjusts to rest his back on the couch while Bokuto climbs on top of him. Then Bokuto leans down on his elbows and presses his mouth against Keiji's, this time with more fervor.

Keiji feels the energy in his kiss, and kisses back in the way that he knows, tugging and sucking at his lips. His arms reach up to wrap around Bokuto's neck, hands pressing into his hair and pulling him closer. Bokuto moans into their kiss, and presses their flush bodies closer. It's hot, but it's not just that. Bokuto is putting all his affection for Keiji into this, and suddenly Keiji isn't sure what he's reciprocating.

Is it all just muscle memory to him? Is he just kissing back because it's second nature, and if he closes his eyes it doesn't matter who it is?

Bokuto pushes his knee between Keiji's legs and Keiji wants to groan and give in.

Keiji knows Bokuto loves him. He can feel it in the way Bokuto looks at him, in the way he treats Keiji and in the way he's doing all this. Keiji loves Bokuto too. But he isn't sure how he loves Bokuto. He loves taking care of Bokuto, he loves holding Bokuto's hand and he hadn't really thought about it before but kissing Bokuto is not bad-

It shouldn't just be 'not bad'. He's being unfair to Bokuto, if Bokuto loves him this much but Keiji only thinks kissing him is  _not bad_.

"Mmm Bokuto-" Keiji gently pushes against Bokuto's chest.

"'Kaashi?" Bokuto mumbles. His lips are swollen and his face is flushed red. Keiji imagines he looks the same himself.

"Sorry, I think-" Keiji pauses to catch his breath before continuing. "I think we should take it slow."

"Oh," Bokuto breathes. He stares, dumbstruck for a moment before scrambling to get up. "S-sorry. I got carried away."

"No, it's fine," Keiji wills his hot and flustered body to calm down. "I just think we should take it slow."

"Okay," Bokuto nods, smoothing out his rumpled shirt. "Slow."

He flashes a smile at Keiji, and Keiji relaxes.

It's fine. They'll take it slow. Keiji wants to love Bokuto in a way that's not hurried kisses and fumbling in the dark. He wants to love Bokuto properly, to fall in love with the way his hands feel on his skin and the way his lips move against his own. He wants to love Bokuto and everything they do, and not just find it not bad.

He wants it to be real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I can keep up with weekly updates or else updates every two weeks. Thanks for sticking with this!


	9. Hypocrisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling and falling

Tetsurou's hands are trailing over heated skin, pressing against warm thighs. He turns his head to the side and presses a kiss against thigh.  _He_ whimpers under Tetsurou.

"Ah- ah...Tetsurou..." He twists, pressing his dark and messy hair into the pillow.

"Keiji..." Tetsurou mumbles against skin.

 _He -_ Akaashi - looks up at Tetsurou, and then his hands are pulling Tetsurou towards him. Tetsurou leans down and kisses him, kisses all his small moans and whimpers and cries of  _Tetsurou_.

Akaashi's fingers tangle in Tetsurou's hair, tugging at the strands in desperate zeal. Tetsurou's fingers skirt down Akaashi's body - neck, chest, stomach, hips. His body responds beautifully, twisting and keening into every touch. Then Tetsurou's hand wanders a little lower and Akaashi moans.

"Tetsurou, please..." Akaashi pleads, his voice breathless.

Tetsurou runs his hands down Akaashi's thighs, feeling the muscles tense under his caress. Then he pulls Akaashi's knees up, hooking them over his shoulders.

"Fuck," Tetsurou mutters as Akaashi wraps around him. He doesn't feel the pressure, but the heat pooling in his gut is enough to encourage him to move.

"Ah! Tetsu- ah!" Akaashi's voice escapes in whimpers as Tetsurou rocks his hips against him.

Pressing flush against the side of Tetsurou's neck, Akaashi's legs are hooked over his shoulders and crossed behind his back, pulling him close. Tetsurou leans over Akaashi, until their foreheads are brushing with every thrust. His hands grip the sheets beside Akaashi's head, clenched knuckles going white. Akaashi moans beside Tetsurou's ear, hot breaths that go straight to the fire growing in his gut.

"K-Keiji, hah- ah..." Tetsurou groans as Akaashi rolls his hips against him, fucking him deeper, and deeper.

Heat surges down his spine and then Tetsurou cries, pressing into Akaashi.

Then as soon as the heat had built up, it dissipates.

The legs tangled around him no longer feel warm. His hands are grasping at the sheets, but they're not grabbing anything. Akaashi is opening his mouth, but Tetsurou can't hear anything. In his desperation, Tetsurou cups Akaashi's face with his hands.

Akaashi is cold.

Then the sheets are slipping from under him and Tetsurou is falling away, tumbling downwards as Akaashi watches.

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou wakes up with the sheets tangled around his legs and sweat soaked into his pillow.

A dream.

His heart hammers loudly in his chest as he breathes hard. Slowly, he moves his heavy limbs and feels the bed beneath him. Assured that he's not falling anymore, Tetsurou slowly eases up in his bed. He reaches for his phone beside his bed, checking it to see that it's 3AM. What a time to be awake. As Tetsurou wakes his sleeping limbs, he starts to feel an uncomfortable dampness in his boxers. He drops his head and groans.

Tetsurou untangles the sheets from his legs and shifts to slide off the bed. When his feet touch the ground, it's startlingly cold. Of course it's cold - his feet are bare and the floors are always cold in the dead of night. But it's not just his feet that feel cold. As his heart settles, a chill runs up his spine, tunneling into the core of his body. Tetsurou shivers, quickly grabbing a fresh set of clothes before heading to the bathroom.

After changing his clothes, Tetsurou feels a little bit better. He returns to bed, crawling in between cold sheets that have long lost the warmth from his body. Blanketed in darkness, Tetsurou falls into a dreamless slumber.

 

* * *

 

"Kuroo!" Bokuto cries as soon as Tetsurou swings open the door. "Akaashi's being unfair!"

"I was perfectly reasonable," Akaashi huffs behind him.

Tetsurou blinks, stepping aside to let them into his apartment. It is a Sunday afternoon and Bokuto wanted a get together to watch a bad movie, and since Tetsurou downloads all the movies, they decided to crash at his place.

"We could've had two tubs each!" Bokuto continues whining after kicking off his flip-flops at the door.

Tetsurou looks to Akaashi for, hopefully, a more comprehensive answer.

"There was a 2-for-1 sale on ice-cream," Akaashi explains as he removes his slip-ons, nudging them and Bokuto's discarded flip-flops into neat pairs with his foot. "And Bokuto wanted to buy six tubs. But I said four was enough."

Tetsurou finally notices the identical carrier bags both of them are carrying, each holding two tubs of ice-cream.

"We could finish six tubs," he says.

Bokuto reaches out for a high-five while Akaashi shoots him a glare.

"And you'll both get brainfreezes and stomaches," he deadpans.

Tetsurou grimaces, suddenly recalling every incident where Bokuto and himself had overestimated how much they could eat, the resulting disaster and the harrowing trauma that followed. It was better not to argue against Akaashi. He locks the door after them, and turns around to see a sweaty Bokuto throwing himself at Tetsurou.

"Woah bro." Tetsurou stumbles against the door as he struggles to support Bokuto's weight, gingerly wrapping an arm around his back.

"Kurooooo," Bokuto whines, pressing his face into Tetsurou's shirt, effectively wiping his sweat on the cotton. "I haven't seen you in two weeks and you haven't been replying my texts properly either!"

"You survived half a year without me." Tetsurou raises an eyebrow. Bokuto looks up from his shirt, pouting.

"That's not the same!"

"Okay okay," Tetsurou laughs, now wrapping both arms around his friend. "Sorry about not texting back properly, I was busy with work."

 

It was partly true; up until last thursday, Tetsurou had been swamped with work. But after that he was just sulking, and didn't want to be a wet blanket to Bokuto. Especially since he couldn't exactly explain it to Bokuto either.

 

Satisfied with Tetsurou's affections, Bokuto peels himself off the taller man and heads into the living room. Tetsurou follows after him, only slightly miffed by the sweat stuck on the front of his shirt - it would dry out soon enough. In the kitchen, Akaashi had already stuck the tubs into the freezer, and is now pulling out cups for drinks. Tetsurou sets his laptop next to the television, and begins hooking them up with a HDMI cable. Meanwhile, Bokuto is settled on the couch, already claiming his favourite spot.

"Fuck!" a loud curse sounds from the kitchen, and Tetsurou moves to peer inside.

"Everything okay?" he asks warily.

"No," Akaashi replies, and Tetsurou observes that there's juice splattered over the front of Akaashi's shirt. "I don't know why they make safety seals this difficult."

"Maybe they're playing hard to get." Tetsurou shrugs. "I'll get you a shirt to change."

"Thank you," Akaashi sighs, defeated.

 

After loaning Akaashi one of his shirts, Tetsurou leaves him to wash up and change. He joins Bokuto on the couch, the movie already set up and ready to play whenever.

"Kuroo y'know," Bokuto starts, "sometimes I really miss having Akaashi as my setter."

"Hmm?" Tetsurou turns to him.

"It's not that Oikawa's a bad setter, he's really good actually, it's just..." Bokuto pauses, eyebrows furrowing as he searches for the words. "Different from playing with Akaashi I guess."

"Does he know about your moods?" Tetsurou asks.

"Yea he does, but I guess he can't do much about it when there are other spikers he has to pay attention to," Bokuto continues. "I'm not the ace of the team, not when everyone's this good."

"Hey," Tetsurou squeezes his shoulder.

"I never really thought about it before, but I used to play so selfishly in Fukurodani, because there's Akaashi and everyone who has my back." Bokuto's lower lip trembles. "Now I'm just-"

"Hey stop there," Tetsurou clams a hand over his other shoulder, steering Bokuto to face him. "You're one of the greatest volleyball players that I know, and you're still getting even better at it."

"Now you admit I'm better." Bokuto gives a half-hearted laugh and leans into Tetsurou's chest.

"Don't get full of yourself yet," Tetsurou huffs, wrapping his arms around Bokuto.

"Kuroo..." Bokuto mumbles into his shirt. "I think I really love Akaashi."

"No shit, you asked him out," Tetsurou snorts, but he runs his hands up and down Bokuto's back in a smoothing gesture.

"I mean like, the past few months weren't really that great," Bokuto says, pressing the side of his face against Tetsurou's chest so he can speak. "Playing in another country is fun, but it sucks being away from you guys. Like, Akaashi just  _knows_ how to get me out of my slumps, but the team just...doesn't. I just missed Akaashi so much, man."

"Mhmm," Tetsurou hums, softly rubbing his back.

"Then I realised like, Akaashi's so good at caring for me? Even though he's pretty mean sometimes... But I really like him, and I thought that if he cares for me then I wanna care for him too and then maybe other things too..." Bokuto shrugs. "I just don't want to lose him."

"I know," Tetsurou says softly. His heart twists at Bokuto's words, and he really doesn't want it to be jealousy.

 

Akaashi returns to the room in a fresh shirt, and Bokuto shuffles away so Tetsurou can start up the movie. This time they're watching Tetsurou's favourite bad movie, Ghost shark. Bokuto doesn't have a favourite because he says he likes every bad movie they watch. Akaashi pretends to tolerate them, but Tetsurou knows he's secretly fond of them as well.

They settle back on the couch as the movie starts, Bokuto in his favourite seat between Tetsurou and Akaashi, each of them holding onto their own tub of ice-cream. Bokuto has a sweet tooth for strawberry, Tetsurou swears by double chocolate and Akaashi always silently goes for cookies and cream.

"I'm actually rooting for the shark," Bokuto says as the ghost shark eats the crew of the boat.

"This film is ridiculous," Akaashi huffs as the ghost shark materialises from a bathtub.

"Yea just wait, it gets better," Tetsurou scoffs, leaning back into his seat.

They continue watching the movie, and true to Tetsurou's words, it only gets better. Or rather, worse, if Akaashi had a say. By the second half of the movie, Akaashi's face is screwed up in disbelief and Bokuto and Tetsurou are nearly on the floor trembling in laughter.

"Water? Guess what - there's water in your body too!" Tetsurou comments before breaking into another fit of laughter.

They start hacking and coughing from laughing too hard, and Akaashi shakes his head, handing them cups of juice. The two recover enough to clamber back on the couch for the final scene, ice-cream long finished and empty tubs abandoned on the table.

"Now it's raining- wait...don't tell me..." Akaashi frowns, while Tetsurou and Bokuto break into matching grins.

Akaashi watches as ghost shark literally rains down on the cast. That's it. That's as much cheesy special effects he can take in a single sitting.

So he loses it and laughs.

Tetsurou and Bokuto stare at him, and then they're all laughing together. It's such a terrible movie, in a quality too horrible for this day and age, but it's so bad it's good and everyone is laughing.

 

* * *

 

"Sorry! I have to go!" Bokuto claps his hands together in an apology once the movie ends.

"Can't even stay to clean up? The ever-popular Bokuto huh," Tetsurou drawls, lips curled in a mocking smirk.

"It's my mum!" Bokuto retorts, bouncing on his heels. "And I don't wanna be late so I gotta go!"

"I'll stay and help you clean up," Akaashi offers.

"Fine, fine," Tetsurou waves. "Come here and make a mess of my home, but what can I say? I'm forgiving. You may go."

"Thanks Kuroo!" Bokuto leans over and gives Tetsurou a hug. "And bye Akaashi!"

And Bokuto kisses Akaashi on the lips.

If laughing together at the movie had been Tetsurou on cloud nine, now was Tetsurou falling back to earth.

He knew they were dating. And he knew that at some point, they would be affectionate like a couple. In fact, he should have been glad they lasted this long without any PDA. Despite everything, the kiss they're sharing now feels too long for the rush Bokuto is supposed to be in, too deep for how they've just started dating and-

Tetsurou's face burns, and he imagines that he's almost as flushed as they are when they part. He shouldn't have been staring.  _Privacy_ , Tetsurou scolds himself.

"Yea um, see you," Bokuto mutters awkwardly as he pulls away.

"See you," Akaashi echoes.

The door slams behind Bokuto after he rushes off in a flurry, leaving the two of them stranded amidst the new silence.

 

"Sorry, that was probably awkward for you," Akaashi apologises.

"No, you guys are dating so it's normal of course," Tetsurou says quickly. "I was just surprised."

"Surprised..?" Akaashi cocks his head.

"Surprised at how far you've gotten." Tetsurou shrugs nonchalantly.

"We haven't gotten that far." Akaashi blushes, looking away.

 _What will happen if you do?_ Tetsurou thinks, but doesn't ask. It's not that he doesn't like Bokuto and Akaashi getting closer. If it makes them happy, he'll support them all the way. He just hates how them getting closer to each other seems to leave Tetsurou further behind.

"We should clean up," Tetsurou says instead. "If we don't, there'll be ants."

He doesn't get up, but stays in his seat and stares at the mess of empty ice-cream tubs and juice cups on the table. After a beat of silence Akaashi gets up, cleaning off the trash and bringing the cups to the kitchen. Tetsurou hears the water run as Akaashi washes them, before returning to the living room. He doesn't say anything even though Tetsurou didn't help to clean up at all. He should be scolding him, or at the very least clicking his tongue in disapproval, but Akaashi is quiet. He just switches the tv back to a random channel, and settles on the couch next to Tetsurou.

 

Akaashi is trying to give him options, Tetsurou realises. If Tetsurou needs space, Akaashi will stay where he is and he will remain quiet. If Tetsurou needs Akaashi, he's close enough to scoot over, and near enough to hear him talk. Tetsurou has options, but all it does is make him frustrated. He wants Akaashi - he wants to pull Akaashi towards him and tell him all about his nightmare, until Akaashi kisses it away and gives him something better to remember. It's too much to ask, and impossible when he's dating Bokuto.

So Tetsurou just watches Akaashi as he watches the tv. He runs his eyes over Akaashi's features - dark and messy short hair, thick eyebrows, slanted dark eyes, a small nose, thin lips, tan skin and the sharp tip of his jaw. Then he starts again from the top. He has seen Akaashi enough times to know what he looks like, but this is different. This is Tetsurou trying to burn the image of Akaashi into his eyes, like forcing a photographic memory. Because after today he might not have this again. Not when Akaashi has Bokuto, and less and less reasons to go over to Tetsurou.

It's such a mundane situation, a lazy weekend evening spent watching tv. But it has Tetsurou trapped in a stalemate, caught between keeping up his facade and giving in to desperation. It's so much easier for Akaashi, who's just laying back and switching channels. Now Tetsurou's hands are shaking. And in the end, he doesn't pick either of the options, because before he can do anything to stop it, Tetsurou is crying.

"Kuroo?" Akaashi's voice is soft, almost hushed like a whisper.

"I..." Tetsurou begins, but realises that he can barely choke out a sentence, much less lie. He drops his head instead, opting to look away.

Akaashi scoots closer and wraps his arms around Tetsurou, pulling him against his chest.

"It's okay," he breathes, and Tetsurou starts to cry harder. Akaashi rubs his hands up and down Tetsurou's back while Tetsurou leans into his chest and cries into his shirt. The heartache is tearing him up again, and this time it's different from last week. This time he knows he can't have what he wants, and it's glaringly obvious in front of him. Tetsurou wants to forget Akaashi, and Bokuto too - he wants to push them away because they keep coming up in his mind, closer to him in his dreams than they really are in his life. Every reality check hits like a train, and even now Tetsurou is clinging onto Akaashi, a hypocritical mess, sobbing and shaking like a child.

Akaashi keeps holding him, mumbling gentle words that Tetsurou can't catch. The same person who is tearing him apart is holding him together. Irony at its finest. But Tetsurou knows Akaashi doesn't even mean to hurt him - not with his soft hands and soothing voice. Not with his kindness.

Tetsurou's cries die down to soft sniffling, and gradually he starts to catch his breath again, hiccuping air into his lungs. Akaashi pats his back, running his hands along his spine encouragingly. Tetsurou's hands tighten around his shirt still, and sighs into the sodden material.

"Sorry," he mutters.

"It's alright," Akaashi assures, hands squeezing his shoulders.

 

Belatedly, Tetsurou thinks about how good Akaashi is at caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (same, kuroo, same)
> 
> I think I'll be going with updates every two weeks, since it's pretty hard to find enough time and motivation to write, but I don't want to stop because there are scenes later I'm really looking forward to write.


	10. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi, volleyball and parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (first scene is a flashback)

Keiji didn't know what to do when he got back to their dorm and Kuroo was quiet.

Usually if the latter was in the room, Keiji would receive a greeting, or otherwise some form of acknowledgement. This time, Kuroo wasn't too engrossed in work to notice Keiji, but hadn't given any acknowledgement. Instead, he was curled up in a corner of his bed, head buried in his knees.

He was clearly upset by something. Keiji didn't know what, and had no idea what to do either.

So Keiji ducks back into the hallway, and runs into Kenma a few steps later. Kenma is Kuroo's childhood friend, and has known him for years. Many more years than Keiji has known him.

"Kenma-kun, do you have any idea why Kuroo might be sulking?"

Kenma looks up from his phone, and Keiji feels the shorter boy study him.

"Kuro is sulking?" he quips.

"Yes, he is sitting in a corner and not talking..." Keiji supplies.

"He is definitely sulking." Kenma makes a face. "He probably got a harsh critique on his stuff, I heard their class had a really strict lecturer."

"I see," Keiji responds.

"Do you want me to go cheer him up? I've done it lots of times before-"

"No it's fine," Keiji says quickly. "Kenma-kun you probably have things you need to do right? I can deal with it if you just...well...what would be best? To cheer Kuroo up I mean."

"...Kuroo hates being alone," Kenma answers slowly. "If he wants to talk about it he'll start talking on his own, so usually I just sit beside him to let him know I'm there."

"I see..." Keiji nods. "Thank you, Kenma-kun."

Kenma gives a nod and ducks back to his own room down the hall, while Keiji returns to his and Kuroo's room.

 

* * *

 

Keiji stays with Kuroo until Kuroo falls asleep. The front of his shirt is damp, and as uncomfortable as it makes him, Keiji thinks that it's better that Kuroo has let out whatever emotions he had bottled up. He keeps a hand against Kuroo's back, rubbing up and down his spine. Kuroo hasn't said much of anything, so Keiji can only assume he doesn't want to talk about it, and Keiji can accept that. He can accept that as long as Kuroo will use the shoulder Keiji lends, and accept what little support he tries to offer.

As long as Keiji feels useful for something, even if he barely knows what's going through Kuroo's mind if he doesn't tell Keiji.

Kuroo breathes softly against Keiji's side, nestled into his chest after crying into his shirt. It had taken a while to calm Kuroo down after he suddenly started crying. Keiji had used his gentlest voice, muttering encouraging words no matter how superficial they sounded, and held Kuroo close. He thinks about what Kenma had told him years ago when he had first faced this Kuroo. Kuroo who didn't smile or talk - Kuroo who was quiet and upset. It shouldn't have been that surprising that he would have his moods too, but Keiji just always thought someone so put-together like Kuroo would never fall to them.

When Keiji is certain that Kuroo is sound asleep, he slowly moves away, laying Kuroo down on the sofa. He grabs a blanket from Kuroo's room and drapes it over him. Keiji also changes back into his own shirt, tossing the borrowed shirt into the laundry hamper. Kuroo doesn't stir, so Keiji scribbles a quick note to him.

 

_Sorry, you fell asleep so I went back first. I've returned your shirt and put it in the hamper. Also, don't forget to eat something for dinner (not the ice-cream in the fridge). I've locked up with the key and dropped it in your mailbox._

_\- Akaashi Keiji_

 

After gathering up his things, Keiji lingers for a while. He steps towards the couch, pushes messy black hair aside with his hands and bends down until he feels warm skin and a familiar scent against his lips.

It's hard to forget what he'd learnt.

 

* * *

 

"Akaashi?" Bokuto calls cautiously, peering into the toilets.

"I'm almost done," Keiji answers from his stall as he pulls his gym clothes on.

Usually at this time Keiji would be on his way home, ready to wind down and relax for the rest of the evening. But today Keiji is at the local sports centre instead, because Bokuto kept pleading and Keiji is weak. Bokuto said that if Keiji came, along with Oikawa and Sawamura's friends they would have enough people for a 3-on-3. Keiji hadn't been playing as often since college, so he wasn't sure if he could keep up with them. Bokuto didn't let him voice his doubts, pushing them away by assuring Keiji is the best setter and that surely volleyball would come back to him naturally. His words seemed baseless, but Keiji figured that if Bokuto could believe in him so much, Keiji should believe in himself a little.

"I'm done," Keiji says as he gathers his things and steps out of the stall.

"Okay let's go, they're all waiting!" Bokuto exclaims, grabbing Keiji's hand and pulling him towards the gym. Keiji stumbles after him.

 

"Oi! Shittykawa!" A voice rings out as they return to the gym.

"Iwa-chan! You shouldn't be so vulgar in front of children!" Oikawa squawks in response. The small group of children who had stayed after class to watch their game look up at the two. The other man seems to consider his words carefully before continuing

"...Trashykawa then."

"How is that any better?" Oikawa cries. He looks to the children gathered at the side of the gym. "Don't learn from this guy, he's an unrefined brute!"

Iwaizumi just huffs in response, and the children seem torn about how to react.

 

"Hey! Akaashi's ready so we can do some warm-ups and start the game!" Bokuto calls out, waving his arms to get their attention.

Keiji meets them properly - he learns that the full-time coach is Sawamura, and his friend is Sugawara. He manages to avoid a second handshake with Oikawa, and meets Iwaizumi who seems comparatively less intimidating. They talk a little about each of their experiences in volleyball before they are split up into teams.

Akaashi is teamed up with Bokuto and Sawamura, while Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Sugawara are in the opponent team. Sawamura gives the students a short introduction to the game so they can follow and hopefully, learn a thing or two from their plays. A dark-haired kid Kageyama volunteers to keep the score, insisting that he has 'all of volleyball memorised' so he can do it.

Sawamura starts the game, sending a tame serve over the net. It's received cleanly by Sugawara, who sends it to Oikawa. The latter tosses it to Iwaizumi, who spikes it into the ground and scores their first point.

Keiji watches from where he had barely moved from his spot. Alright, he  _is_ pretty rusty. Oikawa picks up the ball, and Keiji swears he winks before moving to the back of the court to make his serve.

He'll warm up. Keiji will warm up and he'll wipe that nasty smile off his face.

Unfortunately, Keiji only remembers belatedly that Oikawa is a national player, as the latter sends a powerful jump serve into the backline. Keiji quite literally flinches out of the way instead of trying to receive the ball. He looks up in time to watch Oikawa smile even wider and hears the children coo in astonishment.

"Oikawa-sensei that was super cool!" An orange-haired boy calls out.

"That was a jumpserve, Shouyou-chan," Oikawa replies. "And it looks like it's too much for poor Boku-chan, Sawamura and Akaashi-kun."

"Oikawa I was warming up!" Bokuto retorts. "I'll make sure you never score another point again!"

"I don't think that's quite possible," Keiji says, but he feels the pressing need to drive the volleyball straight into Oikawa's face as well.

"Back me up!" Bokuto cries, exasperated. "We'll take the game back! It's just getting started!"

Sawamura receives Oikawa's next serve and Bokuto spikes it, earning them a point. Bokuto shouts louder than he needs to, and the game continues with the same energy.

After a few minutes Keiji is more exhausted than he has been in weeks, but the thrill of the game keeps him going. His movements are still sluggish compared to Bokuto and Sawamura, and he tries to make up for it with his tosses.

"Bokuto!" Keiji calls out as he sends a toss towards the spiker. He peers around in time to watch Bokuto fly through, swinging his arm and breaking through the block.

It's been a while since Keiji had played with Bokuto, and been this close witnessing his spikes. It was still amazing.

 

After they stopped playing together, Keiji still watched Bokuto's games whenever he could, whether in person if he could attend them or on TV. Lately they have all been on TV. Sometimes they air at odd hours of the day, like the early morning or late evenings, but Keiji sets alarms. He doesn't think about the oceans between them when he watches Bokuto's games, focusing on following his figure as he runs all over the court. Keiji wishes the camera followed Bokuto more, so he fills in what they can't show.

He fills in the gleam of Bokuto's golden eyes as they focus on the ball. He fills in the face-splitting grin and energetic cheer that Bokuto gives after a good spike. He fills in the reliable back of an ace that he would surely see if he was on the court himself.

 

"Tobio-chan! That was a foul!" Oikawa argues.

"No it wasn't, it was in-bounds." The kid blinks, reaching for the scoreboard.

"No no no! don't you dare flip that-"

"Hah! We're ahead now!" Bokuto hoots, pumping his hands in the air. "Hell yea!"

"Yea you celebrate while you can 'cause we'll be taking that lead back, right Iwa-chan?" Oikawa turns to Iwaizumi.

"Yea," Iwaizumi answers. "We'll take it back."

Keiji's serve is received, and he quickly moves up to mark Iwaizumi, preparing for a quick spike. Unfortunately, Sugarawa completely slipped off Keiji's radar and catches him by surprise with a setter dump.

Keiji feels his mouth hang open. Sugawara shoots him a smile, grabbing the ball and tottering away as Kageyama adjusts the score.

"Suga-chan! Good job!" Oikawa high-fives him. Keiji stares from across the net, unable to believe that he fell for such a simple trick.

"Don't mind," Sawamura says encouragingly, patting Keiji on the back. "We all get...misled sometimes."

Keiji sighs, trying not to feel miffed.

 

The rest of the game is just as intense, quickly draining Keiji's energy. He starts making more misses than even Bokuto, hastily apologising for all of them. He's surprised that Bokuto doesn't seem dejected at all, even when they fall behind. He just seems to try harder to cover for Keiji and motivate everyone with his energy. It's hard to not feel proud of Bokuto.

However, eventually the other team scores enough to win the game, and the session concludes.

"That was a good game." Sawamura nods, shaking hands with the other team in true sportsmanship.

"Too bad your pretty face couldn't receive all of my serves hmm, Akaashi-kun?" Oikawa smiles as he grips Keiji's hand.

Before Keiji can retort, Bokuto chimes in.

"Oikawa  _did_ catch a serve with his face once!"

"Boku-chan." Oikawa grimaces. "You don't have to tell everyone about that."

"It was a good receive though! He sent the ball to me!" Bokuto continues, unperturbed.

"Was that on TV, Oikawa-san?" Keiji smirks.

"Oh my god," Oikawa gasps in disbelief.

Iwaizumi breaks out into laughter behind him.

"Stop! Iwa-chan don't you dare laugh! It nearly broke my nose, you know!" Oikawa smacks him.

"Well you're fine now, so I'm allowed to laugh," Iwaizumi rebuts.

"No!" Oikawa cries, hitting him harder.

After the tables were turned against him, Oikawa stops picking on Keiji. He knows Oikawa is just holding onto a petty grudge, but the man can still be intimidating. Sawamura talks to the class after, and the group disbands. A small boy with a head of bright orange hair approaches Bokuto.

"Bokuto-sensei!" He calls out. "And uh...Akaashi-sensei?"

"You don't have to call me 'sensei', I'm just Bokuto's friend," Keiji corrects him gently.

"Oh Akaashi! This is Shouyou! I'm gonna train him to be the best spiker in Japan after me!" Bokuto introduces proudly.

"That's great," Keiji nods. "You want to be a spiker, Shouyou?"

"Yeap! I'm gonna be the ace of my team!" Shouyou beams. "Akaashi-san, you're a...setter, right?"

"Yes I am," Keiji replies. "I used to toss for Bokuto back on our high school team."

"Oh!" Shouyou blinks. "You seem like close friends."

"We are." Keiji looks to Bokuto.

"Yea! In fact, Akaashi's my boyfriend!" Bokuto blurts out.

Shouyou stares at them. Keiji stares at Bokuto.

"Oh um, I'm sorry I-I didn't think- I mean you just met and so far we've only told people both of us knew so maybe you didn't want to go really public with this..." Bokuto looks around anxiously. "I just wanted to tell Shouyou! But I promise he won't tell if you don't want him to! R-right, Shouyou?"

"It's fine," Keiji says quickly. "I don't mind if you want to tell people. I just didn't think we needed to announce it, but Shouyou doesn't have to keep it a secret."

"Oh..." Bokuto blinks in surprise. "I thought that since you said you wanted to take it slow, you also meant-"

"It's fine." Keiji shakes his head. "Sorry Shouyou. But yea, Bokuto and I are dating, actually."

"Cool," Shouyou beams. "Bokuto-sensei talked about you, actually!"

"Hmm? What did he say about me now?" Keiji prompts.

"W-wait Shouyou! You're not supposed to  _tell!_ " Bokuto splutters, throwing his hands out in front of them.

Shouyou tells anyway, and Keiji learns that Bokuto talks a lot to this 11-year-old. Bokuto finally gets Shouyou to stop by claiming he won't teach Shouyou how to spike anymore, but by then the damage has already been done.

 

"I'm flattered," Keiji remarks, a small smile playing on his lips as Bokuto deflates on the sidewalk beside him.

"Shouyou is a  _traitor_!" He whines, dragging his feet along the path.

"You gave him all the power." Keiji shrugs, looking up at the sun starting to dip below the horizon.

"You know sometimes I can't control what I say," Bokuto mutters. "Anyway, since you've already heard so many embarrassing things I said about you..."

"What is it, Bokuto?" Keiji returns his gaze to his boyfriend.

"I want to kiss you. Have been wanting to, the whole day. But I didn't know if it was okay, and the last time I think I made things awkward when I kissed you in front of Kuroo, so I kind of don't know if it's okay?" Bokuto throws his hands in the air in exasperation. "You're my boyfriend but I don't want to ruin it by doing the wrong thing and-"

Keiji stops Bokuto, holding a hand against his face and pressing his thumb lightly against his lips.

"You're not ruining it. Not at all."

He moves his thumb away and kisses Bokuto.

A warm feeling grows in his chest when Bokuto kisses back. His hands reach around Bokuto's head, tilting it to get a better angle. Bokuto has his hands around Keiji's waist, pulling him closer to his chest. Keiji kisses Bokuto for a while, indulging him, until belatedly remembering that they're still on the streets. Even though no one was around, Keiji decides that it was best not to get carried away, and gently pulls away from Bokuto.

"I'll see you again soon," he says softly.

Bokuto reluctantly pulls his hands away.

"Yea, see you."

 

* * *

 

Keiji checks his phone. There are no calls or messages, so it means he's early. He lingers around the establishment, deciding against entering by himself until he spots the familiar silhouette of his parents.

"Keiji!" His mother, Akaashi Nanami, waves him over. "Sorry we're late."

"It's fine," Keiji says, smiling.

"Kosei, you told me you knew how to get here but lead us to the wrong place, and poor Keiji had to wait," Nanami shakes her head.

"You never check the directions yourself," Akaashi Kosei, his father scoffs.

"I said it's fine, let's just go inside." Keiji feels the beginning of a headache as they start to bicker. It's what happens almost every time he meets up with them - one of them would pick on something small and get upset over it. There isn't much Keiji can do but hope they simmer down, so he leads them into the restaurant. A waiter shows them to their table, and Keiji takes his seat while his parents settle down from across him.

"How are you, Keiji?" Nanami asks, leaning over the menu.

"Just the same," he shrugs, picking up a copy of the menu to look over. "I'm still working at the same company and everything."

 

After that they talk a little about Keiji's work, but there's really not much to say about it, when it's really boring as it sounds. They order their food, and then move on to ask about his friends. Keiji says he's still good friends with Kuroo; Bokuto recently came back to Japan, and sometimes he meets up with his team from Fukurodani.

He feels that just about sums up his life, though there are a few things he's neglecting to tell.

He returns the questions, and his parents say it's the same old at their house. Recently the air-conditioning broke and his father has been repeatedly trying to fix it, but with little success. Nanami just wants to call the repair man but Kosei's stubborn pride won't let them. It's still summer, she laments, but Kosei refuses to give in, saying the repairman would do a sloppy job and overcharge them.

It's another old argument, really, Nanami picking on his father's obstinate personality and him deflecting by saying she's being too naggy.

"I think you should just call a repairman. You know how mum can't stand the heat," Keiji suggests, stirring his drink absentmindedly.

"They don't know what they're doing," Kosei scoffs. "We'll pay them and they'll fix nothing!"

Keiji resists the urge to point out that he doesn't seem to know what he's doing either; instead, takes a long sip of his drink and nods along.

Thankfully, their food arrives and for a while Keiji gets some peace.

 

His father passes the chopsticks around the table and Keiji snaps his pair open and digs into his soba. The noodles are cold and soothing, the flavour mild on his tongue. It's good, as expected from from a reputable restaurant. It's a little pricey for something so simple, but he hardly has a meal with his parents, so he doesn't mind splurging a bit.

Keiji gets to squeeze in a few bites before his mother launches into a new topic. This time it's about his cousin, who had gotten married a few months ago. Apparently, it was a shotgun wedding, but Keiji really couldn't care less. His mother, on the other hand, cares way too much. He isn't even sure they've met that many times, but she won't stop prattling about them like it was a huge scandal. She even makes Keiji promise he won't do that.

He could probably set her at ease if she knew he was gay, but Keiji knows that it's more likely to set her off.

So he nods, assuring her that of course he won't, it would be unfair to the other party, etc.

Then, Keiji accidentally opens a trapdoor because suddenly, his mother has once again latched onto the idea of her only son, Keiji, getting married.

"Keiji, you should find a nice and polite girl to marry," she gushes. "And of course you'll both be mature and wait 'till after you're married before doing anything."

"Mhm." Keiji withers a little under her gaze.

"Remember to let us meet her first," she continues. "We'll know if she's good for you or not."

"Yea." Keiji resists the urge to roll his eyes, but doesn't stop a sarcastic remark. "You'll just know she's the One."

"Keiji," Kosei chides, looking up from his food and fixing his son with a glare.

"Of course I know you, you're my son," Nanami affirms breezily.

Keiji stares at her, letting her statement sink in for a moment, before something bristles in him and he snaps.

"No you don't."

"Excuse me?" Nanami questions, incredulous while Kosei shoots him a dark glare, daring him to take back his words.

But Keiji won't. He had spent so long growing to accept himself, and he wasn't about to let his parents tear it down.

"I don't like girls. I'm sorry, but there's no 'perfect girl' for me," he continues. "And I'm seeing Bokuto-san."

He watches the shock settle on their face and tries not to shrink in his seat.

"Bokuto? You mean Bokuto-kun from Fukurodani?" Kosei accentuates.

"Yes," Keiji replies.

"...isn't Bokuto-kun kind of immature? I'm saying this for your own good, but I'm not sure he's suited for you," Nanami says.

"Alright, maybe he's a little childish," Keiji snaps, suddenly feeling a new wave of confidence. "But he's the most hardworking person I know, and he's always inspiring others, even myself. He's a lot better than you give him credit for."

"Keiji, I know you're very good friends with Bokuto-kun but are you sure you really..." she trails off, but Keiji can piece together the rest.

"Mum, I know what I feel!" Keiji asserts, exasperated. "I may be your son but I think you need to realise that you don't know me as well as you assume you do."

He pauses, aware of how his words have hurt her, but unable to contain his outburst either. Keiji leaves a 2000 yen note on the table before muttering 'sorry' and leaving quickly.

Once outside he calls Bokuto.

"Bokuto, sorry but if you're not preoccupied could you come out?" Keiji says quickly as soon as Bokuto picks up the phone.

"Akaashi? Is something wrong?"

"I just..." Keiji sighs. "I just want to see you, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay! I'll head out now and I'll meet you at the station?"

"Okay. Thank you, Bokuto-san."

 

* * *

 

Keiji doesn't know what came over him. He usually never lost his cool. He was used to misunderstandings with his parents, and usually he did a good job of letting it go over his head and staying passive just to avoid an argument. Now he had gone ahead and thrown a fit, like he was reduced to a 15-year-old again.

No, this was a little different. This was different to them commenting that Keiji's grades 'could be better', even when he had already worked so hard on them. This was because they were acting like they knew better than Keiji, even to the point of trying to  _correct_ him. He had spent years understanding and accepting himself, and this just made all of that seem pointless. No, he wasn't going back to square one. He wasn't going to be pulling romance novels off the shelves of the library, mocking their cheesy excerpts, because he couldn't feel anything for girls. He wasn't going to attend mixers his friends drag him to just to fit in. He didn't want to kiss someone he wasn't sure if he loved or not, just to have a chance at this  _romance_ and  _love_ business that the whole world seems to revolve around. He didn't want to be scared of being left behind, and yet too hesitant to do anything certain.

This time he will be serious.

He is more than Bokuto's underclassman. He is more than Bokuto's setter, more than his tutor and vice-captain. Now that school and its obligations isn't what holds them together, they are so much more. Bokuto means more to him than ever.

When Bokuto plays on the other side of the world, Keiji is setting alarms to get up in time to catch livestreams of his games. Keiji knows that at the end of a bad day, if he catches a glimpse of that salt-and-pepper colored hair and Bokuto's glowing smile, he'll be able to return his own. Hearing Bokuto's voice, even through the crackling network, lifts his spirits.

 

"Akaashi!"

Keiji looks up, seeing Bokuto emerge from the station. Bokuto, who came out at his whim but is smiling and waving, as if Keiji is doing him a favour instead of the other way around.

It's already dark, the sun having dipped below the horizon hours ago, but it still seems to radiate behind Bokuto's golden eyes - just like the blinding sky on the day his plane touched down.

"Bokuto!" Keiji picks up his pace until he's nearly running and when Bokuto throws his arms open Keiji hugs him. Bokuto wraps his arms tight around Keiji, a blanket of comfort over his nerves, and Keiji plucks just enough courage to tell him what he's been thinking through the whole evening.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo will be fine I promise.


	11. Second Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three people nag at Kuroo and he gets himself together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the nerdy videogame talk. Despite all that I actually suck at them.

Tetsurou wakes up with his head throbbing. It's dark outside, and he guesses that it's late evening. He notices a blanket has been draped over him and a note sits on the coffee table, held under the TV remote. His legs prickle with pins and needles and his arm aches from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in.

"Ugh..." He massages his temples as he pushes the blanket off and swings his feet to rest on the floor.

Tetsurou recalls what had happened, and feels even worse. He should have held himself together. He shouldn't have broken down in front of Akaashi, and not even tell him why. After exhaling slowly, Tetsurou picks up the note and reads over it. It's typical Akaashi, curt even with expressing concern. Tetsurou reaches for his phone, notes that it's 8PM and there's a new message from Akaashi, as well as a few from Bokuto.

He opens Akaashi's first.

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Hope you're feeling better now

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** just woke up

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** sorry abt earlier

 

Next, he opens Bokuto's texts.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** brooo that ws a gr8 movie!!!

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** we shld do that again ;))

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** also mymum says hi

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** hi bokuto mum

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea the movie was awesome!!

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** even more awesome with you around ;;)))

 

After replying to his texts Tetsurou leaves his phone on the table and gets up to check what he has in the kitchen. There's last night's pizza, so he puts that in the microwave to heat up. While waiting for it, he pours a glass of water for himself.

 

It's different.

Daylight has long passed, and he's standing in his kitchen with a single light over his head that doesn't feel bright enough to compare. It's quiet, with only the hum of cars passing through the street outside his flat.

It's different from the afternoon, with a movie on TV and warm bodies pressing against his side, shaking with laughter.

The glass of water is cold against his hands, and he raises it to down it.

The timer on the microwave goes off and Tetsurou retrieves the pizza slices and returns to the couch.

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Its fine. Have you eaten?

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** eatig nw

 

He types the text out with one hand, and after sending it, tosses it back on the table.

 

There's nothing now.

He wishes they could have watched one bad movie after another, even if the awful plot slowly fizzled out his brain. Actually, Tetsurou won't mind if his brain just fizzled out. He would rather watch hours of awful cinematics than to watch them kiss once. Because now they have something that he doesn't have, something that he can't have, that he's just supposed to sit back and let it be. Tetsurou doesn't want to tear apart their relationship; but like this he can't find the chance to tell either of them _anything_.

_"Bokuto, I know you love Akaashi but I-"_

_"And Akaashi, I know you're already going out with Bokuto but-"_

_What about me?_

Tetsurou runs his hands through his sleep-mussed hair.  _Akaashi, Bokuto. Bokuto, Akaashi._ They flick through his mind like the images on the flipbook he made for class years ago. Bokuto sending 5 snapchat stories to him at once. Akaashi cooking salted mackerel for him. Bokuto hugging him as soon as they meet. Akaashi asking if he's alright. Bokuto running out the door and slamming it behind him. Akaashi being gone when he wakes up.

 

He's startled out of his thoughts when his phone rings.

Tetsurou stares at it, the tune of an alternative rock song obnoxiously loud in his quiet flat. For a moment, he considers that it might be Bokuto, or even Akaashi - even thought phonecalls weren't really his thing. He decides it's better to just pick it up.

"Tetsurou! I thought you weren't going to pick up!" The familiar voice chimes.

"Sorry mum," Tetsurou answers with a small smile. "What's up? Just checking up on your handsome son?"

"More like wondering when he's going to show his  _handsome face_ again," his mum scoffs.

"Hey now. That sounded sarcastic." Tetsurou frowns as he rolls over to rest on his stomach. "And you know I'm...uh, busy."

"A busy young man now, aren't you?" She tuts.

"It's not like I don't want to visit! It's just...hours of travel and then I usually end up staying the whole weekend too..."

"Yea, it's so hard to get you to visit but when you do you suddenly don't want to leave."

He can feel her rolling her eyes at him.

"It's because you spoil me!" He whines, draping himself over the arm of the couch. "You cook the best salted mackerel, you wash my clothes and you even make my bed..."

"Yes, yes, good to know you appreciate my housewife skills," she nods. "Anyway, how are you? Is work going okay? Are you doing your chores properly? And how's Akaashi-kun?"

"Mum, mum  _wait!_ One thing at a time," Tetsurou answers, exasperated. "And why are you asking about Akaashi?"

"Aren't you and him close? You talk about him."

"Oh... he's doing fine." Tetsurou bites his lip. "And I'm doing okay too."

"...Tetsurou?"

"Hmm?" He hums absentmindedly.

"You seem less talkative than usual, are you in a bad mood?"

She's still good at it, even though they're talking through the phone.

"Oh...maybe I am, haha." Tetsurou lets out a dry laugh.

There's a long pause before she speaks again.

"Well, y'know I've actually found an upside to growing old."

"What is it?" He prompts.

"I don't have to fight younger housewives at the supermarket; some of them actually let me go first. If I look a little tired, I'll get a seat on the bus," she continues. "And I don't get asked about remarrying anymore."

"Yea, you're over him," Tetsurou nods.

"I'd suppose." She pauses. "I'd like to say I'm over him and there are no hard feelings but... I just can't wish them well."

"You don't have to," he says quickly.

"I know. It's just...I think about it sometimes. Why he chose them...chose  _him._ "

Tetsurou's stomach twists.

"Don't think about him - or them, anymore."

"And Tetsurou, you look like him too," she sighs.

"Sorry," he mutters.

"Don't be," she says. "You're only this handsome because of me."

"...The cold hard truth." Tetsurou replies, and feels a smile tugging at his lips.

They part after a bit more small talk and Tetsurou's promise to visit as soon as he gets a weekend free.

 

Tetsurou feels better after the call. He loves catching up and talking to his mum. Even though she's a lot older than all his friends, sometimes he still feels the closest to her. She used to read his manga while he watches her tv shows - she doesn't really get the superpowers and he doesn't really get the family drama, but it's fun to act like they do. In that sense he can pretty much talk to her about anything. Well, anything except-

The things that are the hardest, probably.

Tetsurou never knew the full story about his father until he was much older. He always caught bits of it from relatives, but they never matched up so he deemed them to have been made-up. He only knew the truth in his last year of high school. Before his last tournament, Tetsurou made a passing comment about whether his father would show up to watch.  _Maybe he'll be in the stands somewhere_ , he said.

_Are you sure you want to see him?_

She asks, and Tetsurou gives her a look. He wants to say it doesn't really matter, except that it does. Then she tells him.

She tells him that his father left her - left them - for a man. Right now, he is probably still with that man. If he shows up at Tetsurou's game, that man will probably be there and she isn't sure Tetsurou wants to meet him. Tetsurou knows  _she_ doesn't. So he lets it drop, and just promises to make it a good game and to do her proud. Tetsurou enters the court with confidence, but shudders thinking what if she knew he took after more than his father's face.

 

* * *

 

After finishing some chores (that she nagged at him about), Tetsurou settles down and starts up his laptop. He figures that he could probably do with playing a game right now. While waiting for it to warm up, he starts looking for his controller, going through way too many things that he doesn't even use. When he finally finds it, he plugs it in and starts up his game.

He picks a single-player game, deciding it was better to go with a casual round, especially since he was likely to be rusty at it. The game starts up and his car shows up on the screen - a red and black rally car.

Tetsurou smiles. It's been a while.

He sets up a quick event, and then is brought to the vehicle set-up screen.

He's rusty. He doesn't remember what any of this means.

"What the heck does differential mean?" He frowns.

Tetsurou goes with his gut and what little he recalls, and starts the event. He has half a mind to ask Kenma or to tab out of the game to google, but he decides it doesn't really matter. However, already halfway into his first lap and he can already feel his settings betraying him. First of all, his car is skidding. Tetsurou had known the terrain was wet, but he didn't think he should bother sacrificing speed to increase grip. He thought he could probably stop the car from skidding, and boy was he wrong. Next, his gear ratio was too short. There were long stretches of road in the map that he had forgotten, which he could have used to gain on his opponents, but instead his car is just cruising at  _not-fast-enough_.

Kenma would be sighing at him.

Tetsurou restarts the event, already knowing he would lose after he ran through all of the second lap in last place. He tweaks the settings and restarts the race, and this time he's doing a lot better. With the little bit of added downforce his car is taking the corners better, and with the longer ratio his car climbs to a higher top speed, letting him gain on his opponents. The final lap was still close, but Tetsurou makes it in first place.

"Yeah!" He cheers, pumping his hands into the air.

It was nice to feel a little better about himself, even if it was over a single round on a racing game. Tetsurou loves how the game makes him focus, momentarily pushing other thoughts to the backseat as he focuses on being the driver. He wished those backseat problems could be fixed with little tweaks, too.

 

Suddenly, he remembers Kenma telling him to visit. Yea, there was that too.

Tetsurou picks up his phone and types a quick text.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** can i go over tmr?

 **Kozume Kenma:** sure. thought u werent going to ask.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** see you tmr ;))

 **Kozume Kenma:** c u

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** no smiley face? :(((

 **Kozume Kenma:** no.

Tetsurou shakes his head, letting out a small laugh. Kenma was Kenma, after all. Despite that, he knows he doesn't need to worry about being welcomed at their place. After setting down his phone, Tetsurou runs through a few more rounds. He races through the tracks until all he hears in his head are tyres running over gravel, dirt, tarmac, and the low hum of his car. He controls the accelerator cautiously, letting up on the turns and flooring it on the long stretches. He keep a careful hold on the stick, knowing that a turn too hard would easily send him crashing.

 

* * *

 

Kenma and Yaku share a flat in a quiet part of Tokyo. Tetsurou has to take a train and a bus to get there, and after that he still has to walk. He hadn't actually visited them as often as he should have. The housewarming, New year's, Kenma's birthday, the last Nekoma gathering, and a couple of casual hangouts - he could probably count those on both hands. He used to hang out with them way more often back in college, where their rooms were only across the hall. Tetsurou knew they didn't care for convenience as much as Kuroo, as Kenma takes a bus to work and Yaku takes a bicycle. Tetsurou could never imagine living more than twenty minutes from the train station.

The lift only goes up to the 6th floor, so Tetsurou has to climb another flight of stairs to reach the 7th floor. He hates to admit it, but walking around in late summer and then climbing a flight of stairs already has him struggling to catch his breath. If the old Nekoma team were here, they would definitely laugh at the state of their captain. Well, he  _was_ going to see two members of the team, but they were the two who didn't really care.

He rounds the corner of the corridor and arrives at their unit. It seems like the plants in front of the house have changed since he was last here - has it been that long? He wonders if the bamboo palm had gotten bigger, and if the hanging fern was a new one. Half of the cactuses on windowsill have been replaced with succulents, but he knows the bonsai is still the same - the one Yaku's parents had given them. He remembers it well because he had helped to move it while constantly being yelled at to be  _more careful_.

"Oh Kuroo you're here." The door swings open and Tetsurou looks up to see Yaku dressed in an old Doraemon shirt and gym shorts. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was too preoccupied with the lovely memories this place recalls," Tetsurou answers, which gets him a frown.

"Are you talking about New years where you hugged everyone while drunk or the time you begged Kenma to let you win just once?" Yaku holds the door open for Tetsurou, who kicks off his flip-flops at the door and enters the house.

"Wow  _rude_ , I was talking about the more pleasant memories, of course," Tetsurou retorts. "Like the time I helped the both of you move and hang up the wall-clock neither of you could reach."

Yaku kicks him.

"I could have done that if we had a ladder then," he scoffs. "Kenma! Kuroo's here!"

The door to the bedroom cracks open.

"Oh, finally." Kenma's head peeks out and he steps into the living room.

"You say that like you don't live a good 45 minutes from the station," Tetsurou remarks, raising an eyebrow.

Kenma ignores the comment, heading into the kitchen.

"Help yourself to some water," he says, emerging again with a glass of water, that Tetsurou belatedly realises is not for him.

"I've only been in this house for five minutes, can't I be treated nicely like a guest?" Tetsurou sighs, heading into the kitchen to pour his own drink.

 

Ten minutes later Tetsurou is looking through the games in the shelves.

"Have you gotten anything new?" He asks without looking up.

"Not really, I'm waiting for the Fall releases," Kenma answers from the couch.

Eventually, Tetsurou picks a first-person shooter, and Kenma starts it up for him, then sits beside him with his 3DS propped up against his knees. Yaku continues with house chores, washing and drying the laundry. Tetsurou loads his old save file from months ago where he can't even remember where he was or what he was doing. He had resumed right into a stealth mission - and sighs. He wasn't so good at stealth.

Still, he tries, attempting to utilise all the cover he can get and timing his actions to avoid detection. It was really easier said than done. Tetsurou flubs up a few times - accidentally walking into a metal detector and triggering the alarms, firing his pistol that he was so  _sure_ was silenced but turned out to be a very loud revolver and walking right into the guards.

 

"You suck," Kenma says after a while.

"Wow. Thanks," Tetsurou answers dryly.

"Are you sulking?"

"What?" Tetsurou looks up from the screen, where the screen has dimmed with another mission failure.

"You've died five times. You're not focusing," Kenma remarks. "There's something on your mind."

"Okay..." Tetsurou sets the controller down. He's a little awed that Kenma's observation is still accurate that it's almost chilling. "Yea, I'm not..at my best, you can say."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kenma closes his 3DS, laying it on the couch next to him.

"You're putting aside your game to listen to me?" Tetsurou holds a hand over his chest.

"Yes, now start talking before I reconsider." Kenma rolls his eyes.

"Right." Tetsurou shifts so that he's facing Kenma. As he's about to speak, his mind suddenly draws a blank.

The past day had been overwhelming. He doesn't really know how to put all of that into words, and if he even thinks he should tell all of it.

Kenma's not pushing him, just watching him carefully while Tetsurou searches for the words.

"Okay so...Bokuto and Akaashi started dating." He pauses. "I guess I'm just not used to it. Like my bestfriends are dating and they're happy and that's great but it's just...kind of weird."

"What's your relationship with Akaashi-kun?" Yaku asks as he plops down next to Tetsurou, startling him a little.

"Uh, we are friends?" Tetsurou blinks.

"Why does it sound like a question?" Yaku narrows his eyes. Suddenly, Tetsurou feels like a child being scrutinized by their parent.

"I guess we..." Tetsurou glances around in apprehension. "-were maybe a little more."

 

They aren't as surprised as he thought they would be. Tetsurou tells them what kind of relationship they had, though not in detail, and the both of them listen and nod along. He had never considered telling anyone until today, but he supposed the whole thing was pretty much over anyway, so it was okay. Besides, it made him feel a little better.

"You're an idiot, Kuro." Kenma shakes his head.

"Well, I know," Tetsurou sighs in defeat.

"So, you like him?" Yaku raises an eyebrow.

"I guess I do, huh," Tetsurou hums, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.

Tetsurou never thought of falling in love with Akaashi. He had always thought of Akaashi as a close friend who was comfortable enough to do certain things together, and that their friendship just extended in that way. He thought that feelings didn't matter, as long as both of them enjoyed it and their friendship wasn't jeopardised.

It certainly meant something now.

"What are you going to do?" Kenma peers up at him.

"Huh? Nothing, probably." Tetsurou keeps his eyes on the ceiling. "It's too late now. If I tell him, I'll put him in a difficult spot."

"But will you be okay with it?" Kenma frowns.

"It doesn't matter, Kenma," Tetsurou answers, closing his eyes.

"It does."

Tetsurou opens his eyes to see Kenma fixing him with a glare.

"If you're not okay with it, then it matters," he says pointedly.

"But I..." Tetsurou looks down. "..said that I won't date."

"You said that to Akaashi-kun?" Yaku asks.

"Yea. Well you know I've never gone out with anyone seriously, and I'm not out... _out."_ Tetsurou frowns. "If I were to date someone, I'd just put them and myself in a difficult spot. So when it came up I told him that I never planned to date anyone."

Kenma covers his face with his hands.

"I-I know I kind of screwed up!" Tetsurou splutters. "But I really thought what we had was fine as it was!"

"You really  _are_ an idiot," Kenma groans.

"What's new?" Tetsurou grimaces. "Anyway, it's just...whatever. I can't really butt in and say it to him now."

 

A moment later, Yaku elbows him.

"So you're gonna sit here and sulk?"

Tetsurou gives him an offended look.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat things," Yaku goes on, ignoring his reaction. "So if you're not planning to tell him then you have to stop dwelling on it."

"I can't," Tetsurou says plainly. "I've tried, and I can't."

"Then you haven't tried hard enough." Yaku shakes his head. "You should take some time away from him. And Bokuto too, if they remind you of each other."

Tetsurou leans back in his seat, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yaku's right, it sounds like they make you upset." Kenma sits up, peering at Tetsurou. "Even if they are your friends... _we_ are your friends too. You can come here anytime."

"Thanks, Kenma," Tetsurou answers with a small smile.

 

* * *

 

For the rest of the day, Tetsurou mutes his phone and settles into their quiet home. He resumes his game, this time with Kenma watching and telling him when to make his move and when to wait. With his help, Tetsurou clears the stealth mission and he pumps his fist in celebration. The neighbour's cat comes over like Yaku said she would, stopping outside their door and meowing loudly to be let in. Kenma unlocks the gate and the cat enters the house, immediately circling around Kenma's legs. The cat is perhaps the most friendly cat Tetsurou has ever met, because she approaches him as soon as he puts out his hand, and soon enough she's even comfortable enough to be carried.

They don't feed her because she belongs to someone else, and as soon as it starts getting late she gets up from Tetsurou's lap and heads out the door.

Tetsurou stays for dinner, that is prepared by Yaku. He doesn't open the snapchats Bokuto had sent him, or reads the single text Akaashi sent. Instead, Tetsurou settles down for dinner. He wonders if Yaku would deny that he had prepared the mackerel because Tetsurou was coming over, so he doesn't mention it and savours the taste of it instead. They talk over dinner, frivolous topics about supermarket sales, the neighbour's cat and their new houseplants.

 

After dinner Tetsurou sits in Kenma's room, peering at his work that is left lying around the tables and floors.

"Sorry about the mess, I've been too busy working to clean," Kenma says.

"Nah it's fine," Tetsurou says, picking up a piece of concept art from the floor. "This is pretty cool. But isn't this stuff supposed to be confidential? Should I be looking at it?"

"It's my house. I don't care," Kenma answers from his desk.

"Right," Tetsurou laughs. He picks up a folder of photocopied work and notes and starts flipping through it. "It definitely developed from when I saw it a few months ago."

"Well, because we  _have_ been working." Kenma rolls his eyes.

Tetsurou continues flipping through the file. He skips over most of the notes, thinking that despite what Kenma says, he probably shouldn't be reading those. However, he pauses at every piece. Most of them are sketches, with only a few full paintings, but he's able to get the skeleton of the project, and it looks promising.

There's hardly any work on the environment, apart from some hasty sketches and written notes, and Tetsurou remembers Kenma's offer from weeks ago.

"Kenma, you still haven't found anyone to do the environment?" Tetsurou asks.

"No, they told me to search for someone because I'm the level designer, so I'll need to work closely with them. But I've been too busy to look for anyone."

"You just hate talking to strangers," Tetsurou drawls teasingly.

"It's a pain." Kenma shoots him a look.

Tetsurou puts his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Alright, what if I do it then?"

"You?" Kenma blinks. "But didn't you say-"

"I change my mind?"

Suddenly, Kenma is clambering off his chair and moving to sit next to Tetsurou.

"Okay, how rusty are you with environment design?" He asks.

"As rusty as you are with physical exercise," Tetsurou replies, which gets him a painful nudge.

"We don't really need anything fancy for the game environment. We just need someone who can follow our art direction and do some solid work for the backgrounds." Kenma moves back to his desktop. "Kuro, do you still have your portfolio online?"

"Yea, I think so." Tetsurou follow him to the PC and opens up his portfolio.

Kenma goes through his portfolio, bringing up a few pieces of environment work he had done in school, asking if he could do something like that. Tetsurou nods, thinking that if he had done it before it can't be impossible. Following that, Kenma gives a rundown of the game and goes through the art direction with him. Soon, Tetsurou is taking notes, excited to be working on a project again in a long time. He ends up staying later than he had meant to, but when he does leave he is grinning and waving goodbye with promises to visit again. Tetsurou leaves thinking of the world he gets to create with Kenma, Yaku's homecooked dinner, the neighbour's cat nuzzling against his hand and the small forest of houseplants by the front door.

He forgets about checking his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter onward will be where things will get intense, so...stay tuned. I'd really like to update earlier if I could but with work and inktober I'd probably just stick to the two week update schedule...
> 
> As usual, thanks for reading and let me know what you think of the development! It really helps me know if I'm going in the direction I think I am... /laughs


	12. Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tearing at the seams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following few chapters will be pretty intense, and I'd try to get them out a little faster but I'll just update when I can.

"Boku-chan! Left-side!" Oikawa calls out.

Koutarou loves the feeling of the hardwood flooring under his feet as he makes a run up to the net, his shoes squeaking with the friction. He loves lifting off the balls of his feet, propelling into the air for a moment, flying above the netline. He loves feeling the ball against his hand, the burn as he hits it, and the slam it makes hitting the other side of the court.

"Yea!" Koutarou cheers when he lands. This feeling is the best.

"Do you have to do that every time you get a spike in?" Yamashita, middle blocker and Koutarou's team mate, sighs.

Koutarou droops a bit at the comment, arms falling to the sides of his head.

"Well Yama-chan, just let the man celebrate~" Oikawa responds good-naturedly, coming up behind Yamashita and patting at his back. "Besides, you don't get that many spikes in, do you?"

"I-I'm a middle blocker!" Yamashita retorts, pulling away while Oikawa smirks and winks at Koutarou. Koutarou grins back.

 

Practise has resumed after almost a month of break, although they're still taking it easy. Koutarou knows the coach had tweaked this training routine to their team's performance, but he can't help feeling restless. The light exercise sessions, shorter drills and two practise matches a day are hardly enough to satisfy him. He still goes for a run in the morning and helps out at the sports centre some evenings.

Today, practise had started a little late so he ends after Akaashi had already gotten off work.

 

"See you tomorrow, Oikawa!" Koutarou waves as he slings his bag over his shoulder.

"See you, Boku-chan~" Oikawa waves back.

On the walk to the station, Koutarou pulls out his phone to check it. There's a message from Akaashi asking whether practice has ended and Koutarou replies that it has, and he's on his way. He scrolls through a little bit of his twitter feed, laughing at a few tweets and adding terrible puns to some of them. He opens snapchat, skimming through the stories and only stopping for the ones that seemed more interesting. Koutarou wishes he had taken snaps of his training so he could show everyone how hard he was working but he would probably be scolded and asked to put his phone away.

Koutarou sighs. He could make some pretty cool snaps from training. Or more like catch the weird faces his team mates make when they play.

He's still about five minutes to the station, so Koutarou opens his message thread with Kuroo. It's been half a day, but Kuroo still hasn't replied the text he sent in the morning. Koutarou knows that Kuroo is probably busy, but is he usually _this_ busy? He's also starting to find his message pretty lame - it was just a silly thought he had in the morning. He wishes he can unsend it. He should have just kept those kind of silly things to himself, even if he usually sent them to Kuroo without a thought.

"Bokuto?"

Koutarou looks up at the sound of Akaashi's voice. He had reached the station without realising.

"Hey!" Koutarou grins, putting his phone away in his backpocket.

"Aren't you cold just wearing a T-shirt? It's starting to get chilly," Akaashi comments as they start to walk along the street.

"Nope!" Koutarou replies. He rolls up his sleeve and flexes his arm. "Not when I've got this!"

Akaashi rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.

"Right, just don't catch a cold. It's already September."

 

It starts getting dark as they walk and Koutarou starts to think that Akaashi is right - it _is_ getting colder. He needs to start bringing a jacket around. In the meantime, his hands are a little chilly so he rubs them together for warmth.

Akaashi bumps their shoulders together.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Oh um..." Koutarou glances around quickly for ideas, but he hadn't really been paying attention. "You can decide?"

"I can? That's unusual." Akaashi raises an eyebrow.

Koutarou gives a sheepish grin.

 

Akaashi decides on udon, and they sit down in a booth. Koutarou orders a set with a lot of meat on the side while Akaashi picks something more balanced.

After ordering, Koutarou checks his phone out of habit. Still no reply from Kuroo. He had tried to suppress it, but the sinking feeling comes back to him.

"Bokuto?" Akaashi peers at him over his green tea.

"Akaashi, have you been talking to Kuroo?" Koutarou asks, keeping his tone casual.

"Not so much lately." Akaashi frowns. "Is anything wrong?"

"Oh! No not at all! I just wondered if his phone was wonky 'cause he hasn't replied me- but I guess he's just busy...yea he's just busy." Koutarou looks down at the cup of green tea in his hands.

"Do you want me to text him?" Akaashi asks.

"You don't have to," Koutarou says quickly, grimacing.

Akaashi picks up his phone anyway, and sends a quick text to Kuroo.

A few minutes later it buzzes with a reply. Akaashi reads it quickly, then shows it to Koutarou.

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** How have you been?

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** busy actually.

 

"That's pretty curt." Koutarou frowns.

"Well, like I've guessed he seems busy, so I suppose that's the reason." Akaashi sets his phone back on the table.

"He didn't reply m-"

Koutarou's phone rings with multiple notifications. He picks it up hastily.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** i saw a dog on my run today abd wanted to lok at it but like notso obvsly so i kinda snuck 3 glances at it and i thik i was rlly suspicos but a dog!!! in f ront of me!!!! u feel

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea bro i feel. sorry i was working just now

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** like for 5 hours straight. straifht in the zone yknow.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** mustve beeb a cool dog

 

Koutarou's eyes light up and he types a reply back.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** y ea very cool dog!! what r u workin on tho kuroo??

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** a project actually. i'll show you somday.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** ok!!!

 

Koutarou waits a while, but there's nothing from Kuroo after that.

Their food arrives, so Koutarou sets down his phone and digs into his food. It tastes especially good after hours of practise, but Koutarou can't help feeling a little dejected still.

Akaashi asks about Koutarou's practice, and he quickly brightens up and tells him about his good spikes and his team members' plays. Akaashi doesn't have much to share about work, but he mentions a movie his colleagues were talking about and Koutarou eagerly suggests to see it on the weekend. After that Koutarou talks about his mother going to America and quotes that she 'won't get souvenirs for him because he was already there for months, what else does he want'. Akaashi assures him that she will still get something for him despite that, but mostly finds the exchange amusing.

 

* * *

 

"So Oikawa told him 'you don't get that many spikes in' and he got flustered!" Koutarou laughs, recounting the memory as they rest on Koutarou's couch. After the dinner, Koutarou asked if Akaashi wanted to go back to his place, and Akaashi agreed.

"It's good that Oikawa-san did that for you." Akaashi smiles as he leans against Koutarou's shoulder.

"Yea I mean I can stand up for myself but I'm not so great with words so-" Koutarou gestures. "Y'know."

"Maybe you're better with actions?" Akaashi suggests, leaning forward to peer at him.

"Hmm?" Koutarou hums, noticing Akaashi's hand resting on his thigh. "If you say so..."

He's cut off when Akaashi climbs onto his lap and kisses him.

Koutarou brings his hand to rest on Akaashi's waist, holding him steady as they make out. Koutarou closes his eyes, focusing on the sensation of their lips moving together and Akaashi's hands trailing along his chest. He's pushed to lean back and Koutarou's heart starts to race - but his chest feels tight. There's an unease in his gut that won't go away. A part of Koutarou knows it's some silly thing coming from left field again and wants to ignore it, but another part of him thinks he'll feel better if he tells Akaashi about it. After all, Akaashi always listened to his worries and supported him, didn't he?

"Mhmm Keiji..." Koutarou gently pushes Akaashi off.

"What's wrong, Koutarou?" Akaashi frowns.

"Sorry, I just haven't been feeling too good," Koutarou admits sheepishly. "Oh it's not you! It's just...my mood again I guess."

"So you don't want to do this?" Akaashi asks, resting his hands experimentally against Koutarou's chest.

"No! I mean-"

_Don't screw it up. Don't screw it up._

"What is it?" Akaashi presses. "What are you thinking about?"

"Um...Kuroo, actually," Koutarou starts, eyes darting around uneasily. "He hasn't been answering to me much and it's probably just my imagination but he seems a bit cold too..."

"Koutarou, he's just been busy. Let him be."

_It's not that simple._

"But in the past even when he was busy-" Koutarou argues weakly.

"You should give him space," Akaashi cuts him off, beginning to grow exasperated. "It'll be fine, stop getting worked up-"

"Do you find me annoying?" Koutarou says suddenly.

The air goes silent between them but Koutarou can feel his heart hammering loudly in his chest. He's opening a door he doesn't want to.

"...what?" Akaashi's voice comes out soft.

Once he had scratched at the surface it becomes impossible to stop.

"Are you starting to find me annoying? You must be, so you're trying to get me to shut up."

Koutarou pulls away from Akaashi.

"Koutarou, that's not true," Akaashi protests, reaching a hand out towards him. "Just calm down and-"

"No! It's not okay!" Koutarou shouts, backing away and rising to his feet. "And I can't calm down when Kuroo's not talking to me and now you're pushing me away-"

"Look, Kuroo hasn't been talking to me either!" Akaashi snaps. "Why do you need to make a big deal out of this?"

"Because I'm scared that he hates me!"

Akaashi stares dumbfounded at him.

"And...now I'm scared that you hate me too..." Koutarou adds in a smaller voice.

Then Koutarou starts to break. His lips tremble and then he's covering his eyes and retreating away. It hurts Akaashi to watch Koutarou, the shining ace and boy he had admired, folding his body into something so small and vulnerable.

"I really, really hate being away from you and Kuroo," he says, voice muffled against his arms. "I know you guys would always welcome me back but I thought - what if one day you didn't need me anymore?"

"Koutarou," Akaashi starts, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder. "We will always want you back."

 

Koutarou hates this. He has everything that he wants - he's on the national volleyball team, Akaashi is going out with him and Kuroo is his best friend. He should be happy, but something feels wrong. Suddenly, he's worrying that his usual texts to Kuroo have suddenly become a chore to reply. And he's even worrying that Akaashi may feel the same. It's such a stupid and baseless thought, but it runs rampant in his head, tearing and ruining everything.

He's probably wrong.

But he could be right.

What if he's right?

 

Koutarou peers up from behind his arms, his eyes shiny with tears.

"I don't know..." He mumbles. "I thought that going out with you was great, and I still like you - like, a lot. But sometimes...I feel stupid, like I'm all over you, and then I feel like it's so hard to be friends with Kuroo even though we were always together."

"...Is there anything I can do?" Akaashi asks gently, couching to sit beside him on the floor.

Koutarou wants Akaashi to console him again, to hold him and assure him that his thoughts aren't true. But he feels stupid for wanting that. It won't do anything anyway. If Akaashi could kiss it away they would be doing that. This time, Koutarou knows it runs deeper. If he clings onto Akaashi again, he'll only end up at square one.

"No."

Koutarou can't even look at Akaashi when it makes his heart hurt this much.

"Actually, I can't stand it. Let's break up."

He can feel Akaashi's eyes on him, and the stuttering of his breaths.

"Okay...I'll go."

Koutarou listens as Akaashi rises to his feet because he can't bear to look. It feels like he's doing something wrong again, but at this point he's not sure anything he does can feels right anymore.

 

* * *

 

Keiji slams his apartment door when he gets home.

"Fuck.  _Fuck!_ "

He tosses his belongings in a corner and collapses on the floor.

"I was helpless...it was supposed to work out."

Keiji takes deep, shaky breathes against his hands. Then, as sudden as a crack of thunder, the tears break free, rolling down his face in an uncontrollable mess. Keiji buries his face into his arms, filling the crevices of his limbs with his stuttering sobs.

He was wrong. Why did he say those things anyway? Keiji always thought he could read Bokuto. Sure, he could tell when he wants a toss, when he's hungry and when he wants attention but for the first time today, Keiji wasn't sure what he wanted. Bokuto was talking about Kuroo, and Keiji didn't know what Bokuto wanted from him anymore.

Then, there was the breaking up.

The shock hit him slowly, like the churning of stomach acid, a sluggish nausea rising through his gut. Keiji couldn't accept it. He knew it was most likely something impulsive, and soon Bokuto would call to take his words back. Or maybe, this time he won't.

Suddenly, Keiji is struck by the realisation that he may lose Bokuto.

Though it had seemed unlikely at first, what with their contrasting personalities, Bokuto had found a way into his life. Soon enough, Keiji couldn't imagine not having him by his side, or a phonecall or text away. Although Keiji had been close to his team at Fukurodani as well, he never kept up with them after graduation, and it was only at team reunions that they would really hear from each other. The only other person Keiji had was Kuroo. For the longest time Keiji had called him 'Bokuto's friend from Nekoma'. And then 'the bedhead', 'sleazy eyes' and finally 'Kuroo-san' and 'Kuroo'. It probably helped that he was always around Bokuto, and Keiji was always around Bokuto as well. Naturally, he became a part of Keiji's life that he couldn't imagine not having.

He might have to start imagining it now.

Bokuto was right. Kuroo was being cold to them. Keiji could feel it in his unusually late and curt replies, as if he was trying to avoid them, but didn't want to do so completely. Some kind of half-assed dodging around. Keiji had an idea of why, but he couldn't bring himself to confront Kuroo about it. It would involve spilling all their secrets. So he took the easy way out - to ignore it. To pretend to think Kuroo was just busy. Even when Bokuto was pulling at the strings and ripping out the pieces, Keiji remained adamant.

Keiji sucks in a breath and rubs at his face. It's as messy and pathetic as he feels. He pulls himself up from the ground and shuffles slowly to the bathroom. The cold water running over his hands prickles his skin and makes him shiver, but Keiji splashes it over his face anyway.

 

He shouldn't have started that kind of relationship with Kuroo. Whatever words he could try to throw at it - casual, fun, meaningless - would all bounce right back at him. And once he started to realise it, he thought that the best way would be to tear himself away.

The water is pretty much ice-cold.

What did he want, anyway?

Keiji pulls a towel off the rack and presses his face into it. He should stop crying by now.

 

* * *

 

"I won't date anyone."

Keiji remembers this particular day, down to where both of them were sitting in their dorm. Kuroo is sprawled on his stomach, pillow stuffed under his chest and laptop opened in front of him. Keiji is cross-legged on his own bed, notebook in his lap and print-outs scattered across the bed.

"Not even me?" Keiji tries. He remembers his tone being light, weightless like a joke that only earns a sympathetic laugh.

"Nah," Kuroo waves his hand. "Don't take it personally, but I just don't want to go into that kind of thing."

"Mhm." Keiji hums, turning back to his work.

 _"I'll take what I can get."_ is what he thought to say. But Keiji closes his mouth on the words, knowing they won't get anywhere before falling cold.

 

* * *

 

At 2AM Keiji still doesn't fall asleep. It's chilly outside but warm under his blanket, so sleep should come easy. He finds himself tossing and turning, thoughts turning over in his head like waves of a restless sea. Finally, Keiji sits up to reach for his phone and starts typing out a text to Bokuto.

 

>I know I did something wrong. Please don't be rash. It was a rash decision right? I really wanted it to work out.

>I'm sorry.

>You're right. Kuroo was being cold to us. I just didn't want to admit it.

>The both of us had been

> 

>I haven't been telling you everything. I didn't think there was a need to.

>I'm wrong. I'm sorry.

>Will you still talk to me?

>I still love you.

 

Keiji stares at the text he had written out, words typed and erased and retyped. He finds that he sounds pathetic. He shouldn't be sending a text like this at 2AM.

Keiji deletes all of them.

 

* * *

 

When Keiji wakes up, he is first thankful that it's the weekend. He had woken up several times in the night, only resigning to a more restful sleep in the early morning. It's been a while since he had slept in this late, and though he doesn't feel quite well-rested, at least he doesn't have to go in to work. For a moment, Keiji considers staying in bed the whole day, but his limbs feel heavy and lethargic and they will only get worse if he doesn't move. So Keiji forces himself to get up, and saunters to the bathroom to wash his face.

As his mind recovers from its sluggish state, Keiji remembers that Bokuto had wanted to do something this weekend. Did he want to watch a movie or were they going to visit that place with 'super good steak'? Anyway, they never made concrete plans. It was all just ideas being thrown up in the air - something they could do on a weekend. They probably won't be going anywhere now.

Keiji leans over the sink to rinse his face.

 

It's been a while since he had nothing to do on the weekend. It's supposed to feel liberating for him to have time to himself. Keiji could read a book, clean the house, or even just laze around.

No, it was frustrating.

On one hand Keiji felt that he had already said everything he could say to Bokuto. On the other hand he felt that he still had so much more to say. His words get all jumbled up, though. At best he could sound calm, but soon his emotions would slip and then Keiji can't be sure of what he's saying anymore. It's the worse way to be talking to Bokuto, who speaks with his heart on his sleeve. Still, after a stale slice of toast for breakfast, Keiji feels the urge to send a short text.

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Are you doing okay?

 

He waits. He lets his phone sit in the living room while he runs the laundry. Fifteen minutes later when he returns there's a reply.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou** : yea

 

It's a short, curt and -  _cold_. Keiji tries not to let it get to him.

 

 **Akaashi Keiji** : Ok. Do you need space?

 **Bokuto Koutarou** : yea

 

He's tempted to start typing out a longer text just to prompt  _more_ of a response, but bites back on the urge. Bokuto has asked for space, and Keiji needs to give it to him, no matter how uncertain he is about it. Keiji sighs, and starts scrolling through his contacts. There's a number of acquaintances - work colleagues and people from college. Keiji skips over them. There's his mum and dad. He pauses.

After his outburst with them, his dad had texted him

 

 **Dad:** Apologize to ur mum. Shes very upset that u left so suddenly.

 

He had ignored the message for hours, until his mum also sends him a text.

 

 **Mum:** We wont stop u frm doing whatever u want but think of the consequences.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Ok. Sorry about just now.

 

There's nothing after that. No phonecalls with a lengthy interrogation and no nagging texts. He hasn't made plans to see them again, and doesn't intend to. He should be grateful that they aren't kicking up a fuss, but this way he just feels like he's been left hanging. Well, they've always been bad at talking.

Keiji continues scrolling through his contacts.

There's the old Fukurodani team. The last time he texted Sarukui had been about the team's reunion at new years, way back in January. His last text to Konoha was in March, an answer to a question about getting chocolates for White day. Back in June he had a short conversation with Shirofuku about some tonkatsu ramen she wanted to try.

After that there's Kenma and Yaku, and those messages are even older. Despite sharing a mutual friend, he never talked to them that often. For years, Keiji had kept to the polite greetings and fleeting small talk. Other college friends had pretty much faced the same fate - drifted apart years after graduation.

Keiji pauses at Kuroo's contact.

He shouldn't.

Keiji opens his contact.

He should leave Kuroo alone.

But Keiji doesn't want to be alone. He feels like crying all over again now, as he realises there are about two people he can talk to, and both of them are being cold to him. It's his fault for turning down his classmates to hang out with Bokuto. It's his fault for skipping out on activities to hang out in the dorm with Kuroo. For the past few years, he had foolishly built his life around them. He had thought they were all he needed, and now they were all his to lose.

Keiji closes Kuroo's contact.

Instead, he texts his team from Fukurodani to ask how they're doing.

 

* * *

 

The day moves slowly. Keiji cleans the house and gets groceries for the week. By evening he's tired, but he didn't want to let himself stop. Konoha had gone out of Tokyo to visit his grandparents, and complains about the awful internet. Sarukui had started watching a tv show - some detective mystery that Keiji hadn't heard of - and tells Keiji the gist of it. Komi had started work at a new place, and tells Keiji that his colleagues like to place bets on everything and he worries he may develop a gambling problem. Keiji replies to their texts with amusement, relieved that they talked to him at all.

After answering the last of the texts, Keiji runs a bath for himself.

 

He still feels empty. Crowding the day with superficial activities - it's stupid. He's just pretending everything could be okay if he acted like it. Chores, one after another, to keep his hands busy and his feet moving. Texting other people so he won't look at the curt messages from Bokuto and Kuroo. Running a bath so he could relax in it - not to feel claustrophobic, like his hands and feet were suddenly too big and like his chest was being squeezed-

Keiji gets out of the water, shivering and grabbing at a towel.

After he gets dressed, his hands are still a little shaky when he types out a text to Kuroo.

Keiji presses the phone against his forehead and curses at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...It's probably best to judge after the next few chapters, but go ahead and leave comments because I love seeing ~~who I've hurt~~ them


	13. Kindling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets, or just things they didn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look at this mid-week update! It's not a very long chapter, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Somewhere under a pile of papers, Tetsurou's phone buzzes.

He hasn't cleaned his apartment in almost a month, and has only left more and more things everywhere - papers, reference books and sketchpads. He's been working himself harder than ever, coming home from his full-time job to work on Kenma's job. From a PC straight to paper, and then back to the PC again. It's been that way for weeks.

Tetsurou had finally done enough studies and made enough sketches to work on the real draft, so this time he's at the PC. Two sketchpads lay open before him, turned to the sketches he had done weeks prior. Papers with examples of the art direction are pinned under his tablet and a reference book Kenma loaned him is propped precariously on his lap. It's really not the best set-up, but he makes do. He just needs to get into the zone.

Somewhere, his phone buzzes again.

Tetsurou clicks his tongue in annoyance. Kenma was right - muting his phone would probably be a good idea. He won't do that 24/7 like Kenma does, but while he needs to focus now, it would be a good idea.

His hand dives under a pile of papers to retrieve his phone. Then he opens the notification bar to mute his phone and sees a few new texts. He catches the names - Akaashi and Bokuto.

No. No, he needs to focus.

Tetsurou mutes his phone quickly without reading the message previews. After he has finished something, he'll check.

Then the phone goes back into a corner, and this time it doesn't buzz anymore.

 

An hour later Tetsurou has half of a drawing done. It's a good pace that he had found, plus he had managed to focus, so he's been working pretty well. Looking over it again, Tetsurou thinks that he'll probably need to fix it up, but soon he will have something to send to Kenma and he looks forward to that.

Tetsurou takes a moment to stretch in his seat, sighing at the satisfying pull in his stiff muscles. It's nearly 10PM, but Tetsurou considers ordering supper - a reward for his productivity. Kenma would probably laugh because he had done way more in a day; but this is Tetsurou and his milestones may be smaller but he deserves to celebrate them. He gets up from his seat and starts looking for his phone.

He remembers his unread messages. Tetsurou feels a pang of guilt. He had gotten too carried away with work again. It's been happening more often these few weeks.

But then again, he prefers to be engrossed in work.

It feels a little like running.

 

Then his doorbell goes off, even though he didn't make a call for supper.

He should answer those messages.

But first, the door.

"Right, right coming," Tetsurou says out loud, but more to himself than whoever is waiting, just to get himself actually moving.

He unlocks the latch, swings open the door and finds Akaashi Keiji at his doorsteps for the first time in months.

Everything he had been running from has come back to hit him in full force. Tetsurou feels like the rug is slipping out under his feet again - everything he had tried so hard to keep in control was shaking and threatening to fall apart again. He needs to keep a better grip.

 

"Why are you here?" Tetsurou asks in a curt voice.

He watches Akaashi shrink.

"I-I'm sorry, I tried to text and call you but you didn't answer so I just came here."

"I was busy."

"I-I know." Akaashi looks utterly miserable, falling back into his habit of biting his lip and fiddling with his fingers. "I'm-"

"Nevermind," Tetsurou sighs, stepping away from the door. It's awful to watch. "Just come in."

As Akaashi follows him into the house, Tetsurou belatedly wonders if he's making a mistake.

 

* * *

 

"You...didn't look at your phone?" Keiji asks. They've both taken a seat on Kuroo's couch, with Kuroo sprawled comfortably on one end and Keiji seated uncomfortably at the edge of his seat at the other end. There's so much space between them it could fit an elephant.

"No, had it muted."

Keiji looks down at his own hands, where his fingers are pulling at each other and curling into his palms.

He swallows down the lump in his throat.

"Bokuto and I broke up."

When he looks up Kuroo is staring at him with wide eyes and his jaw slack.

"What the fuck," he breathes. "You guys were supposed to-" He pauses and presses his face into his hands. "Why did you tell me?"

"Bokuto mentioned you." Keiji purses his lips. "You've been cold."

"Yea, I have!" Kuroo admits, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. "I've been burying myself in work and avoiding you two!"

"Kuroo," Keiji narrows his eyes. "If you had a problem with us dating, you could have said so."

"I don't have the right to." Kuroo sighs, looking down and letting his hands fall to his lap.

"It's because of me, isn't it? It was what we had before, isn't it?"

Kuroo gives him a thoughtful glance.

"Sort of," he answers.

"You wanted us to stay together, like that?"

"I guess." Kuroo gives a nonchalant shrug.

"Kuroo, I don't..." Keiji's hands curl into fists. "I don't want to be treated like that. I've been meaning to tell you this but - I want to be your friend, not your...fuckbuddy."

"That's what you think we were?"

Something in Keiji snaps, like a switch flicking off, and he knows that once he starts he won't stop.

"Yea, every time you've called me over you just...you just want something! You're always trying to feel me and make out or fuck!"

"Hey what the fuck, Akaashi!" Kuroo spits. "Don't act like you've never tried to lead me on! It's a two-way thing! What, regretting it now?"

"I-"

"Look, I don't know what it was to you but it wasn't nothing to me! You talked like I just wanted the fucking benefits but wasn't that  _you_?"

"You were the one who was trying to relieve stress!"

"Okay fine, there was that but I'm trying to get it together, alright? And it's hard when you're coming into my house telling me you broke up with Bokuto and making me think of all the things we used to do- God I don't know what you want!"

"I don't want anything!"

"Well,  _I_ do!" Kuroo yells. There's a pause where he catches his breath, and then he continues in a firm voice. "I want you, Keiji. I've been in love with you and trying, trying so goddamn hard to get over it but I can't- I thought I did but, god when you showed up again I just-"

"Kuroo." Keiji's chest trembles as he takes slow, shaky breathes. "Y-you're serious?"

"Yea, I am. I like you."

It feels impossible. His chest hurts with the way it's caving in, and his head spins with how incomprehensible the words feel. Love. Kuroo was in love with him.

He had wanted to hear it for so long.

"I...Kuroo- no, Tetsurou-" Keiji's shoulders are shaking as his face grows unbearably hot. He's choking; choking on the tears spilling out of his eyes and the feelings spilling out of his chest.

 

Keiji hates how he didn't fall in love with Kuroo the first time they kissed. He hates how it bloomed slowly within his chest, aching like a dull bruise that he always ignored, being buried deeper and deeper into his heart until it didn't matter. He knew they weren't supposed to feel that way about each other. Kuroo even said he would never date. It was just impossible. Ridiculous to even entertain the thought.

 

"...I like you too." Keiji mutters through his tears.

"Oh." Kuroo blinks. "You like...me."

"Yea." Keiji rubs at his eyes, inhaling sharply through his nose. "I've liked you since a long time ago, but I thought what we had was fine. I didn't want to jeopardise our relationship, until I realised that it's already been jeopardised."

"A long time ago?"

"College." Keiji sniffs. "You seemed against the idea of dating so I thought it would be better if I just tried not to think about it and never told you. And after a while maybe I got used to ignoring it, too."

"Damn, that makes me feel like a jerk."

"I was one too." Keiji shakes his head. "It must have been hard for you to watch me go out with Bokuto...and all this time I thought you were upset about something else."

"Man..." Kuroo laughs humorlessly. "I wanted to be happy for Bokuto and you but I just...couldn't, you know? It just felt like both of you were getting further and further away from me."

"...I felt the same way. You've been distant." Keiji remarks softly. "I missed you."

"I did too, Keiji." Kuroo shifts a little closer. "So, what are you going to do now? How did you break up, anyway?"

"We...fought. I didn't realise how upset he really was..." Keiji frowns. "Now I don't think he wants to see me."

"You do like him, right?"

"I've always been fond of him," Keiji sighs, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "I'm worried about him though. He said some worrying stuff."

"Was he overthinking?" Kuroo prompts.

"Yea," Keiji nods. "Please go see him if you can."

"Right." Kuroo answers. "Wait. Wait, he texted me!"

Kuroo scrambles to get off the couch, stumbling towards his desk. He picks up his phone where it had been left amongst the pile of work on his desk, unlocking it to open his messages. There are three messages from Bokuto, and the latest was dated more than an hour ago.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** hey kuroo do u ever find me annoynig when i text

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** wierd right?? haha its nt like u do rite??

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** bro? u dont...hate me right?

 

Kuroo quickly types out a string of replies.

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** no i dont

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** not at all. never.

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** where did that come from anyway?

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** you knw waht i havent seen you in a while we shld hang out yknow

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** you up for it??

 

He lets out a sigh of relief when Bokuto replies soon after.

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** oh. right haha i was beign stupid again.

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** yea lets hang!! just us???

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** yea. quality bro time :)))

 

Kuroo walks back to the couch slowly after sending his last text, falling into a seat beside Keiji and setting his phone down beside him.

 

"Are we going to start telling Bokuto things?" He starts slowly.

"I don't know, he'll be upset..."

"Then we might have to let him get upset," Kuroo says. "It was our fault."

"Okay." Keiji answers.

 

They sit together in silence, this time closer than they had been earlier, but with enough space between them to not be close to touching. The silence seems to rest lightly on Keiji's shoulder, a little more comfortable now that he seemed to have gotten some things off his chest, and that they were warming up to each other again. Keiji wasn't sure what they would do from here. He had been happy when Kuroo confessed, but the light fluttering in his chest conflicted with the heavy ache in his heart he felt for Bokuto. He still wasn't sure what Kuroo wanted, either.

Anyhow, more than anything, Keiji was worried about Bokuto. He had always known Bokuto sometimes got doubtful of people, seeming especially with the way some of his team mates treated him. He just had no idea it would get so bad when Kuroo didn't talk to him. He really should have known better, but Keiji didn't think Kuroo was that important to Bokuto.

Keiji couldn't have been enough for that huge heart of his, anyway.

Beside him, Kuroo seems to be deep in thought as well. Keiji wonders if he is thinking about Bokuto. After all, Kuroo probably didn't want to avoid Bokuto. As selfish as it is, Keiji hopes that somewhere in his head, there is space where Kuroo is thinking about Keiji too. He might think of changing; from the days he had stubbornly rejected relationships. Keiji never got to hear why. All he had to go off on was that it was somehow related to his family.

Someday, he might tell.

Kuroo breaks the silence with an apology.

"Sorry I was always so busy."

Keiji looks up. Then Kuroo starts explaining what he had been working on with Kenma. At first he's only gesturing with his hands, but soon he's bringing things over from his desk to show Keiji - pages and pages of sketches that he had done. There's a lot of work from what sounded like merely a month. Kuroo really, really had been busy.

As Kuroo continues talking, Keiji glances up from the drawings for a moment to look at Kuroo. There's a gleam in his eyes Keiji hadn't seen since their college days, and he realises that this was the kind of thing Kuroo had wanted to do. He was happier now.

"That's great." Keiji smiles. "I'm glad you found something you wanted to do."

"Oh." Kuroo pauses. "I guess so...I mean, I'm not sure I'm doing a great job 'cause Kenma always tells me this or that is no good. Well, his comments _do_ help, but he gives so little compliments! When I tell him that he just says 'too many compliments won't be useful'."

"That does sound like Kozume-san," Keiji agrees.

"You're a little like him, aren't you?"

"Am I?" Keiji smiles.

 

* * *

 

Keiji ends up staying past 11PM. He doesn't want to cut it too close to the last train, so he decides to get going before it hits midnight.

"Anyway, I think it's just better for us to stay friends for now," Keiji says as he puts on his shoes in the doorway.

"Yea, I think so too." Kuroo agrees.

After he rises to his feet, Keiji lingers in the doorway awkwardly. He should just say 'goodnight' and get going already, but he's stealing glances at Kuroo's lips and licking his own.

He wishes he had been more generous when he last kissed Kuroo. He wishes he had lingered longer. Now he's suddenly missing it again, and the memory he summons is fuzzy at best.

Keiji takes a small, tentative step towards him. Kuroo doesn't back away.

"...Just one," Kuroo says, closing his eyes right before Keiji closes the gap and presses their lips together.

It's a chaste, close-lipped kiss with their hands hanging at their own sides. Does distance make the heart grow fonder, or did Keiji just miss him that much? It's such a small thing to get worked up over, when they've done way more. But he can't deny that as they pull away, with their breaths mixing in their proximity, Keiji's heart is pounding.

"Goodnight," Keiji says softly.

"Safe trip home," Kuroo responds, his breath ghosting over Keiji's nose.

_Just one._

Is he allowed to feel this way? Kuroo didn't say he can't, or that they should never. Still, he knows how destructive that tiny wisp of hope can become.

Keiji turns and makes his leave before he can think of making bad of it.

There's still the ache in his chest too. He can't ignore that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happens. There's still a bit more before things can start to smooth out, so hang on.


	14. Turbulent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really meant to get this out sooner but quite a lot of things happen in this chapter so editing took a while.
> 
> Also, mention of blood...oh boy who got hurt again.... It's not _very_ graphic to me but just a heads-up there.

Tetsurou agrees to meet Bokuto after work at a pub. It was right after he had sent a batch of work for Kenma to look over, so Tetsurou had some downtime before getting anything new.

It was just a local pub, somewhere near the station and convenient for both parties.

Tetsurou arrives at the station first and decides to hang around so they can walk there together. Meanwhile, Bokuto sends him detailed texts about which station he's at, how fast the train is moving and how soon Tetsurou should expect to see him. It's pretty cute, Tetsurou thinks, that Bokuto sounds like a kid who was taking the train for the first time. Unfortunately, Bokuto is nowhere near the size of a child, as Tetsurou finds out when he tackles him in a hug as soon as they meet.

"Kuroo!" Bokuto exclaims, throwing his arms around his friend.

"Bokuto!" Tetsurou stumbles with the new weight. "Hey! I'm gonna fall over!"

"It's the force of Bokuto Koutarou! The shining ace of Japan!"

"Is that what you got the kids in your class to call you now?"

Bokuto pulls away, grinning.

"Well, just one of them though!"

"A start then." Tetsurou reaches a hand out and ruffles Bokuto's hair playfully.

"Hey- Kuroo I styled that!" Bokuto cries, ducking out of the way.

"Oh you did?" Kuroo teases. "Looked just like mine."

Bokuto sticks his tongue out at him.

 

The walk to the pub is filled with animated conversation, and it continues even after they settle down. Tetsurou orders drinks for them while Bokuto continues telling him about his favourite student, Shouyou. Although normal practice has resumed, Bokuto still makes time to help out the class once a week. Oikawa says that he's too attached, but Bokuto claims that it's his responsibility to raise the next ace of Japan.

"You're that confident in that shrimp?" Tetsurou raises his eyebrows.

"Yea! He's got great reflexes and he made some pretty cool spikes!" Bokuto grins, his eyes sparkling. "Those were all flukes but I'm confident he'll be good!"

"Maybe 'cause he's like you?" Tetsurou teases. "Easily excited, unending enthusiasm and stamina..."

"Yea, yea! I think so!" Bokuto nods fervently. "Wait, wait Kuroo are you saying I'm like a kid?"

"Am I?" Tetsurou drawls, enjoying the way Bokuto's face twists in confusion.

"H-hey!" Bokuto barks, offended. "One day he'll win nationals and get on tv, then he'll say I was the one who taught him everything!"

"Bokuto, you already get on tv, why are you so greedy?" Tetsurou shakes his head. "You're impossible."

Bokuto punches him on the arm playfully.

"Tell me what you've been working on!"

"Hmm...I don't know...if I tell, Kenma might have to kill me," Tetsurou muses.

"You're working with  _Kenma_?"

Tetsurou grins, and then launches into a long ramble about his work. Bokuto listens with keen interest while Tetsurou describes the project in detail. He could talk about it for hours if he wanted, going off on tangents, if he doesn't control himself. Bokuto doesn't seem to mind, no matter how much Tetsurou talked. In fact, he seemed to feed off that passion, a reverberating energy that only made the light in his eyes shine brighter. It felt like how they used to talk about volleyball tactics, sharing what they saw on tv and arguing about which was cooler.

Probably, Bokuto's energy was what pulled Tetsurou to him in the first place. As much as he enjoyed Kenma's quiet but steady presence, Yaku's biting but loyal friendship or the mixed energies of his team mates, Bokuto was always something different entirely.

 

They get a few more drinks as the conversation continues to drift.

Belatedly, Tetsurou realises that he had gotten so comfortable that he had forgotten what he was trying to tell Bokuto. At this point, he kind of doesn't want to, anymore. It'll be like running away again, but if he can keep up this atmosphere - this warm, airy mood - he won't mind laughing and staying a coward. How was telling the truth supposed to help, anyway? He had been so sure it was what he should do, but now that he's here, in the moment, he's not sure he can go through with it.

He'll only feel guilty if he doesn't.

And won't that make Bokuto's doubts right?

They have to fix this. They've been friends for years.

 

"Oh yea Bokuto," Tetsurou starts hesitantly. "I heard you broke up with Akaashi."

"...Keiji told you, huh?" Bokuto answers, looking down at his drink. "It was...my fault. I got upset about something again and then I just blew it. Do you...think I always overreact?"

"I don't think it's always overreacting," Tetsurou says slowly. "I mean, we all have different ideas about how things are. Like, 20 laps for you is cool but for Kenma it would be hell. Something like that."

"I guess." Bokuto shrugs. "Thanks, Kuroo."

"It's cool." Tetsurou takes a drink from his cup.

"We really haven't seen each other in a while huh?" Bokuto remarks, leaning on the palm of his hand.

"Sorry I was so busy."

"No, no! It's fine! You sounded like you were enjoying your work so just...yea."

"Well, I'm suffering, but I love it," Tetsurou holds a hand over his chest melodramatically.

"Is that what all the art kids say? Does Kenma say that?"

"You bet," Tetsurou fingerguns at him.

"Haha!" Bokuto barks a laugh, punching Tetsurou's arm playfully.

"Anyway I'm...not sure how to talk to Akaashi again. I feel like I've messed up, you know?"

"I think he's worried that he messed up too," Tetsurou assures.

"Mhm I guess...I guess we both did, huh?" Bokuto mutters. "Except you, Kuroo."

"I..." Tetsurou hesitates. "Not really, actually. There's...something I should tell you."

"Hm?" Bokuto looks up from his drink at Tetsurou.

"This is a thing that happened before you and Akaashi started dating. Not during."

"What...what is it, Kuroo?" Bokuto frowns.

There was no going back now. Tetsurou feels his heart rising in his throat, threatening to leap out along with all his secrets, to fall into an ugly mess on the bar counter.

"Akaashi and I slept together."

Tetsurou feels it like a radio being killed, a door slamming, and the punishing silence of a vacated room.

"...what?" The first sound is soft, a strained voice on his throat.

"Kuroo, you guys did what?"

Tetsurou feels like every word that leaves his mouth is another stab in a festering wound. He wants to stop it - to rip the tape off the player, to rewind so it never started in the first place. But he's here now, so he has to keep going.

"We had sex with each other."

"What the fuck, Kuroo!"

Then it bursts out of him, ugly and angry.

"So what, was it a one-time thing or- wait, no I don't want to know. Fuck. Fuck! I knew you guys were keeping something from me! I trusted you, fuck!"

"I'm sorry, we were but-" Tetsurou tries.

"No, no, no- why would you do that? Kuroo, you know I liked him!"

"I didn't know you liked him that way and-" Tetsurou bristles. "I like him too!"

"Oh...oh you liked him too, and he probably likes you back..." Bokuto's voice goes soft and he stares down at his feet. "So I'm the idiot, huh? You guys always think I'm the idiot..."

"Hey, hey we don't," Tetsurou refutes, quickly backing down as worry settles in. "Just calm down first, alright?"

"Fuck, Kuroo don't tell me to-" Bokuto starts to get up clumsily, hand sweeping across the counter.

A glass slides off and shatters at their feet.

 

* * *

 

Koutarou jumps, startled by the crash. He stares at the shiny pieces at his feet, glittering in his bleary vision. It takes him a while to realise he had knocked the glass off the counter.

"Shit, sorry about that! I'll pay for it later let me just-"

Kuroo is already calling to the owner and apologising for him. While Koutarou stares at the glass pieces like a statue, thinking they resemble a sea of stars.

"Bokuto, are you hurt?"

Koutarou looks up. There's worry creased over Kuroo's face, and he's already holding up Koutarou's hands to check for injuries.

"I'm fine!" Koutarou pulls away harshly.

"Right. Let's go outside, okay?"

Koutarou doesn't budge.

"Bokuto, let's just go," Kuroo repeats more urgently, tugging at Koutarou's arm.

"No! Kuroo, stop!" Koutarou snaps, shoving Kuroo's hand away.

He can't calm down. He can't calm down. His head is spinning, forming kaleidoscope pictures of glittering stars. Heat is rushing to his face - god he feels like an  _idiot_. Koutarou's hands are shaking at his sides and he's clenching them until his nails dig into his palms. He can't calm down, and he can't stand Kuroo right now. Koutarou lifts his arm, swinging his fist before he can think better of it.

 

"Shit..." A hiss sounds from the floor, and Koutarou looks down to see Kuroo crouching and cradling his jaw.

Then he feels the dull ache in his hand.

There are bruises and blood.

 

"Kuroo! Shit, Kuroo I'm so sorry-" Koutarou rushes to his side, apologies spilling off his tongue.

Kuroo peers up at him and tries to say something, but hisses in pain.

"God you're bleeding a lot, should I call an ambulance?"

Kuroo shakes his head and tries to get up.

"A clinic then?" Koutarou quickly moves to support him.

Kuroo nods, and Koutarou helps him to his feet. He digs for his wallet in his backpocket, where he pulls out a card to pay for their drinks and the broken glass. The owner directs them to a clinic a few streets down, and Koutarou thanks him.

 

Kuroo is still a little wobbly, so Koutarou holds onto his arm firmly as they make the trip there. It's only a short walk away - ten minutes at most, but it takes them nearly twenty. Blood keeps dripping down Kuroo's face, and neither of them have tissues so he tries to catch it with his hands before they can get everywhere. When they finally get to the clinic, Kuroo's hands and the front of his shirt are covered in blood.

"Um, my friend here," Koutarou starts to tell the counter.

The receptionist kindly pushes the box of tissues towards them.

Kuroo grabs a handful of it and starts wiping down his hands, though it's not very helpful.

The receptionist registers them and so they can return to take a seat. Koutarou quickly grabs a few more pieces of tissues while Kuroo just takes the entire box along with him.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Kuroo says slowly after they sit down.

"You're bleeding a lot." Koutarou frowns, handing him another tissue. "Shit, I still feel so bad...I don't know what to do-"

"I'll be fine." Kuroo takes the tissues and presses them against his cheek where it's starting to swell, and blood oozes into it.

"Your lip too," Koutarou says. He doesn't remember how he hit Kuroo, just remembers swinging his fist, but it looks like it had collided with the side of his face. "I'm sorry."

"Mhmm," Kuroo hums, leaning back to rest his head against the wall.

"If I was...If Akaashi was here he'd know what to do," Koutarou says shakily. "Should I call Akaashi here?"

Kuroo sits up, contemplating the suggestion.

"You can if you want to."

"Okay."

Koutarou fires a text to Akaashi.

 

The doctor washes off the blood on Kuroo's face with saline, and Koutarou thinks that maybe it isn't as bad as it had looked after all. After checking through, the doctor ascertains that nothing was broken or moved, much to Koutarou's relief, and starts to patch up the lacerations on his cheek. He glances at Koutarou and notices the bruises and blood stains on his knuckles.

"He was defending me," Kuroo says quickly.

The doctor nods in acknowledgement.

"Those should heal in a few days to a week."

"Mhm," Koutarou shoots Kuroo a grateful glance. He wishes his hands won't shake.

 

After seeing the doctor, Kuroo is mostly patched up and his wounds are bleeding significantly lesser. The clinic gives him some antiseptic cream for his wounds, and reminds him to keep them clean and dry.

They collect the medicine and Koutarou pays for the treatment, while Kuroo returns to take a seat.

"Akaashi isn't here yet?" Kuroo asks as soon as Koutarou returns from the counter.

"He said he's coming." Koutarou sits down beside Kuroo.

"Today was...something," Kuroo muses as he sits back.

"I'm sorry, Kuroo."

"Stop apologising already," Kuroo shakes his head. "It's whatever. I'm fine now, and I kind of deserved it anyway. What we did was...pretty shitty."

"Yea..." Koutarou mumbles. "Kuroo...if you liked Keiji why didn't you date him? Won't that make sense?"

"Oh. Well the thing was that we didn't know we liked each other."

"That sounds stupidly cliche," Koutarou huffs.

"Right, it does," Kuroo laughs lightly. "And we were friends who...did stuff, I guess. I didn't want that friends part to change. And I didn't want to start dating anyone."

"Why not?" Koutarou turns his head to look up at Kuroo, strands of his hair falling away into his face.

"I didn't think I could...go through with it," Kuroo says, searching hard for the words. "Actually, it might be better for me to tell you when I'm not this tired."

 

The shock still rumbles through his body and a dull sickness sits in his gut. But it starts to simmer when he listens to Kuroo. At first Koutarou was convinced that everyone could be lying to him, playing him like a fool because he was easy and way too honest. But if they were pretending, it should stop here. If Kuroo wanted to lie to Koutarou, he shouldn't sound so vulnerable. He should be upset at Koutarou; but he isn't, and he isn't leaving either, even though Koutarou did such a terrible thing.

Maybe because Kuroo did a terrible thing too, and now they both feel bad.

Does that even it out? Was that kind of thing possible?

Does Koutarou want to forgive him?

Can they still be friends?

The bruises and bloodstains on his knuckles burn in his vision.

 

"I got...upset. I couldn't really..." Koutarou's starts, his voice cracking on the syllables. The first tear escapes, and then the rest follow in a feverish mess. "I'm so, so sorry!"

Kuroo pats Koutarou on the back as he cries.

Koutarou pulls Kuroo towards him, until he's leaning into Kuroo's shoulder in an awkward half-embrace.

"I just...I want to be mad at you guys but I can't," Koutarou sobs, hiccupping sharp breaths into his shirt. "I'm just sad...and scared. I don't want to lose both of you."

"You don't have to," Kuroo says gently. "Will you trust me again?"

Koutarou grips Kuroo's blood-stained shirt around his fingers.

This is what matters. If they can fix the rest, this is what matters.

"Okay," Koutarou mumbles.

Kuroo's hands are soothing on his back, the rhythm calming down his turbulent thoughts. Koutarou settles in the embrace, the last of his exasperation melting into a mellowed down thrum in his chest. Slowly, Koutarou pulls away and Kuroo moves his hands to let him sit up. Then Koutarou reaches for tissues to clean off his messy face.

 

"Kuroo?"

Koutarou looks up from the handful of tissues in his face.

Akaashi is standing at the door and their eyes meet. Koutarou recalls their last encounter and feels a pang of guilt. Akaashi looks like he wants to say something, but his eyes drift and he notices Kuroo.

Specifically - the bandages on his face, his bleeding lip and blood-stained shirt.

Before Koutarou can continue to wallow in the awkwardness, Akaashi is moving briskly towards them, until he is close enough to look over Kuroo's injuries.

"What happened?"

Kuroo gives him a grimace, so Akaashi looks to Koutarou for an answer.

Koutarou whines softly and shrinks in his seat, hiding his face in his handful of tissues.

"Okay okay," Kuroo concedes. "I told him."

"Told him?" Akaashi frowns.

"I...told him what we did," Kuroo explains hesitantly. "I didn't want anymore secrets."

"I...r-reacted," Koutarou adds in an uneasy voice. "I didn't mean to hurt Kuroo! I didn't think- I didn't know...how to."

"I'm sorry."

Koutarou looks up from the ball of tissues in his hand.

"I didn't...consider your feelings. Or Kuroo's, either," Akaashi says slowly. "I thought that a casual relationship like that could be kept without mattering whether it happened or not."

"Well, it starts to matter if you feel things for it," Kuroo adds, smiling bitterly.

"I'm sorry again," Akaashi apologises. "But Kuroo, are you alright?"

"Yea, I'm fine, just tired now."

"I'll send you back," Akaashi says, starting to help Kuroo up.

"I-I will too!" Koutarou adds quickly, jumping to his feet and scattering the rumpled up balls of tissues from his lap.

"We both will," Akaashi corrects, lips curving into a small smile.

 

* * *

 

They insist on sending Tetsurou home, but he refuses a cab so they end up on the train. His injuries still sting a little, and his shirt and hands are covered in traces of dried blood. He should have at least asked to use the sink to wash off the blood on his hands. He didn't because he didn't think it would matter, but it's starting to matter because Akaashi and Bokuto are on either sides of him, stubbornly holding his bloodied hands despite his protests. It's embarrassing; as if Tetsurou doesn't stand out enough with the state of his face and the mess on his shirt, he also has two grown men holding his hands. However, he can't bring it in himself to pull away or do anything more than whine a little. If he had to be honest, the attention they're paying him feels good.

They walk to his apartment in silence. With less people around, Tetsurou can appreciate the contact between them more. It's strange for it to be quiet when the three of them are together, but it mostly means two or all of them are deep in thought. And Tetsurou does have plenty of things to think about.

It's not a bad kind of silence, though. It's a calming quiet; much like the type found at the end of a long day.

Tetsurou looks up and catches a window of night sky peeking out between the buildings. Blown up with the lights of the city, it's no surprise that he can't see a single star.

 _It's okay though,_ he thinks.  _It'll be okay._

 

* * *

 

When they get to Kuroo's flat, he lets them in. Bokuto enters first, followed by Keiji, and they leave their shoes politely at the door.

"I think I need a shower," Kuroo says.

"Do you need help?" Keiji calls after.

"Nah I'd be fine, it's just-" He gestures awkwardly. "-my face. I'll keep it dry."

"Okay."

Then with the slam of the bathroom door and running water, Keiji is left alone with Bokuto.

 

"Do you want a drink?" Keiji asks after a while.

"Nah I drank quite a bit earlier," Bokuto answers quickly. Then he hesitates and adds, "actually, some water would be great."

Keiji hums as he gets up to fetch them a drink from the kitchen.

The truth is, he doesn't know what to do. He's worried about how Bokuto is taking it, but he's even more worried about what Bokuto thinks of them now.

He takes his time pouring water from a jug into cups.

 

Bokuto had hit Kuroo, in what seemed like a moment of overwhelming emotions. Was it under control now? Or was it still swimming beneath the surface? Keiji couldn't really be sure.

What could he do about it, anyway? All he could do was apologise, and then apologise more. He did a shitty thing, and since there was no way of taking it back, he could only acknowledge the damage and express regret for it. He shouldn't expect to be forgiven, or for things to go back to the way it was before.

Damn.

 

"Keiji?" Bokuto calls cautiously from the doorway.

"Oh, Koutarou." Keiji turns around from where he's standing at the counter. He hadn't bothered to turn on the kitchen light, using just the faint glow from the living room to guide his hands.

"You were taking a while..." Bokuto starts. "And why's the light off?"

"I didn't need it," Keiji answers. He quickly fills up the second cup with water and picks both up in his hands. "Sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

Keiji pauses in the hallway.

"The other day," Bokuto continues. "When I broke up with you."

Keiji looks down, pursing his lips.

"It's fine," he answers after a bit, and continues walking back to the living room. "I don't think you would want us to get back together now and I...respect your decisions."

"I-it was a rash decision!" Bokuto blurts out after Keiji.

"Koutarou...I don't know if we should-" Keiji hesitates, setting their drinks down on the table.

"I missed you, Keiji."

"I did too," Keiji says as he sit down beside Bokuto. "But, aren't you upset at me?"

"I...I'm upset, yea." Bokuto pauses to take a breath. "And I guess I'm upset at you guys too. I think I'd need some time but...I don't want to _stay_ upset. Like, if there wasn't this, you guys are- you guys are great. And, I love you guys."

"...Thank you," Keiji responds softly.

"On the walk back I was thinking - man, what a mess. I broke up with Keiji on a whim, Kuroo and Keiji were sleeping together and now I've punched Kuroo in the face."

"Mhm."

"I thought, what if we could fix this? Kuroo's good at making me feel less shitty, and you're good at taking care of me and Kuroo. And I- I guess I..."

"You're good at making us happy," Keiji adds.

"Yea! It's not that bad, when you put it that way right?"

"I agree." Keiji nods.

"Well, so long as-" Bokuto pauses, hesitant again. "So long as you or Kuroo don't hate me?"

"I think I've already established that I don't, and will not hate you, Koutarou."

"I sorta punched Kuroo though," Bokuto grimaces, slumping his shoulders.

"He's not angry at you."

"Before that though, he kinda..." Bokuto drifts off, suddenly feeling silly. After everything that happened today, picking out Kuroo's lack of texts in the past month seemed really trivial. Still, it had been something that had been gnawing at Bokuto for the longest time.

"Koutarou, do you, by any chance...like Kuroo?"

"Huh?" Bokuto responds with a soft gasp.

"I'm was just thinking that - maybe you like him too. That's why you're so worried about him not liking you back."

"Oh." Bokuto blinks. "That...maybe I like Kuroo..."

Bokuto looks down at his feet, thinking hard.

"Maybe...maybe it's true, huh," he starts to say. "Kuroo's a great guy and, I guess I like him..."

"You don't have to figure it out now, but just know that Kuroo doesn't hate you at all," Keiji assures.

 

The bathroom door cracks open and Kuroo emerges in a fresh set of clothes. Bokuto and Keiji shift to make space for him in the middle of the couch, and Kuroo plops down without question.

"Finally I'm not covered in blood," he sighs. "It got gross after a while."

"I was worried," Keiji frowns. "What did the doctor say?"

"It should heal in about a week."

"That's long..." Bokuto mutters.

"Well, guess you're gonna have to kiss me better," Kuroo jokes.

"Maybe I do, huh?"

"Hm?" Kuroo blinks.

Bokuto leans towards him and presses a quick kiss onto his nose. Keiji blinks in surprise from where he's watching it happen.

Kuroo flushes red.

"What," He starts. "That was cute. I can't believe you actually did it."

"Y-you asked!" Bokuto retorts, flustered.

Kuroo lets out a small chuckle.

"Right, right."

It's the first time Keiji notices Bokuto giving Kuroo a thoughtful gaze, as if he wants to say something, but the time isn't right. The two had always been close, but with how turbulent things have become recently, Keiji can understand the worry creased into his brow and the tight line his lips draw.

Kuroo leans back, draping his arms along the top of the couch.

"I'm tired," he says to the ceiling. He sounds tired too, Keiji notes. His voice is heavier - more weary than it had been moments before.

"You should rest," Keiji says helpfully.

"Yea but I mean I'm tired of all this." Kuroo continues saying to the ceiling. "Both of you should just be my best friends. Bokuto and Akaashi, my best friends. That's all I want."

Keiji steals a glance at Bokuto.

_Aren't you going to say something?_

"If we're best friends, you should call me 'Koutarou'."

"Hm?" Kuroo looks at Bokuto. "Then you call me 'Tetsurou' too."

"Tetsurou."

"Koutarou," Kuroo responds. "Akaashi too, you can call me 'Tetsurou'."

"Oh." Akaashi blinks. It's not that he had never called him 'Tetsurou'. It was just...under different circumstances.

As he pauses to think about it, though, it doesn't sound bad. Switching to first names sounds almost like a fresh start for all of them. He was sure he would slip and call them 'Bokuto' or 'Kuroo' again, just like how he still jumps between 'Koutarou' and 'Bokuto' for Bokuto. But it could work. Kuroo called them his 'best friends', too. Keiji knew it wasn't ideal, but for a compromise, it was better than anything else. He gets to keep both of them, and none of them have to be unhappy.

"Then call me 'Keiji' too."

"Keiji," Kuroo calls.

"Tetsurou," Keiji echoes.

It's good, it's all good. He leans towards Kuroo, tentatively, until he pulls both Keiji and Bokuto in. If they can hold this together, Keiji might be fine with this.

 

Kuroo seems really tired, so Bokuto and Keiji leave him to rest. As Kuroo sees them off at the door, Bokuto gives Kuroo another last hug. Keiji stands at the side, lingering in the doorway with his shoes tied. After Bokuto pulls away, Kuroo looks over at Keiji and gestures for him to come over.

He gives Keiji a hug too.

Kuroo's arms around him feel crushing. On the other hand, Keiji's grip on Kuroo is light - a cautious hold on his back. He can't guess what Kuroo is feeling, but an old yearning is rising through the ashes and pulsing through his veins. He hadn't been watching too closely, but Kuroo was probably holding Bokuto in the same way. He could be wistful, but it seemed to betray his words.

After they pull away, the three of them exchange their goodbyes and Bokuto and Keiji take their leave.

On the way to the station, their hands bump as they walk. Keiji longs to reach out and hook his fingers around Bokuto's. But he restrains; he settles for the small burn of contact every time their hands brush, meeting partway between them. When they get to the station, Bokuto hugs him goodbye. The hands clenched around his shoulders seem to have an unwavering grip, but the warmth against his chest is too fleeting. Once they part, Keiji finds it hard to hold onto it again - like this Bokuto and this intimacy is slipping from between his fingers.

They're friends now, he thinks. Despite everything, they're friends now.

It's over. The other things are over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic actually became more Kuroo-centric than I thought it would be but well //shrugs/  
> Also I don't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but after this I'd start to conclude things and then throwing in an epilogue probably. So yea, the fic is wrapping up.


	15. Redirection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About a month later, they get together again for what was supposed to be carefree hanging out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking a while to post; I was actually busy preparing for and attending a convention. There's a bit of timeskip between this chapter and the last, so things have simmered down a bit.

Keiji shivers in the chilly late November air as he waits outside the door, shifting the bag on his shoulder and rubbing his arms to stay warm. Inside the house, he hears someone yelling, some clattering and then hurried footsteps. Thank god, he thinks, he's getting pretty cold waiting out here.

The door flings open and Keiji is greeted by the messy bedhead, Kuroo.

"Hey, you're here," he says coolly.

"Hi." Keiji greets as he enters the house, leaving his bag on the floor as he takes off his shoes. "Koutarou is here already?"

"Yea I am!" Bokuto barks from the couch, already settled in and sprawled unceremoniously on it.

"Can you believe he got here while I was still sleeping?" Kuroo hisses, miffed. "He was here at 10 when I said 12!"

"I was excited! I couldn't sleep!" Bokuto whines.

"Well,  _I_ want to sleep!" Kuroo yells back.

Keiji shakes his head as he sets his shoes neatly by the door and takes his bag into the living room.

"Oh you can leave your stuff in my room or-" Kuroo says, gesturing around the room. "Anywhere, really."

 

Keiji picks up Bokuto's bag from where it was thrown beside the couch and sets both bags down in a corner of the room. They've been to Kuroo's place countless times, but this is the first time they are here together to stay over. Keiji admits that he was excited too. The closest thing they've ever had to a sleepover would probably be their high school joint training camps. Those probably didn't count, though. Keiji was always so tired at the end of the day he pretty much passed out once he laid down on his futon. That, and Nekoma and Fukurodani had separated sleeping spaces. He and Bokuto always said goodnight to Kuroo, but they always had to sleep in different rooms. Keiji did share a dorm with Kuroo for a few years of college, but they rarely slept at the same times, with their clocks adjusted to their own classes and schedules.

As Keiji approaches Bokuto to join him on the couch, it suddenly dawns on him that he has no idea what people did on sleepovers. He had never had a sleepover. Well, he had stayed over at people's places but more out of convenience than anything else. Were sleepovers a different thing? Kuroo probably had sleepovers with Kenma, seeing how close the two are. Bokuto always said their training camps were like huge sleepovers with the team but everyone just yelled at him to shut up so they could sleep. Or at least, that was what Keiji heard from the seniors, seeing as he almost always fell asleep first.

 

"Something up?" Kuroo asks as he sits down beside Keiji.

"Huh? Oh I was just wondering what we were going to do. On a sleepover, I mean."

"Hm? The same things we usually do when we hang out? Except instead of going home you guys will sleep here?" Kuroo raises an eyebrow.

"Will we  _really_ sleep?" Bokuto interjects.

"You say that like you won't be the first one to konk out after sleeping at four last night!" Kuroo yells back.

"No we can't just  _sleep_ ," Bokuto whines. "We gotta like...gossip or something!"

Keiji rolls his eyes.

"No one's gonna gossip with you, Koutarou!" Kuroo barks back, snickering. Bokuto must be picking things up from American tv again.

"Oikawa would!" Bokuto argues.

"Then you invite him next time!" Kuroo scoffs, folding his arms over his chest.

Keiji pales.

"Please don't," he says quickly.

Kuroo gets up, walking over to the tv console. He had borrowed a playstation from Kenma, who only loaned it to him because he has a newer model, but it was still unplugged. He had procrastinated all morning, and then left it to Bokuto.

"Kou, did you manage to set up the PS3?"

"Nope! I don't know how," Bokuto chirps from the couch.

"Right, I'll do it," Kuroo sighs. "Keiji, have you eaten?"

"No." Keiji shakes his head. "Are you making something?"

Kuroo walks over to the fridge, opens it and peers inside.

"Well we could walk to the convenience store  _or_ buy some things from the supermarket to make lunch and eat about two hours later."

"Convenience store," Keiji answers quickly.

"Koutarou?" Kuroo turns to him.

"Convenience store!"

"Okay." Kuroo pauses, watching the both of them settled comfortably on his couch while he's leaning on the doorway.

"Someone had to actually  _go_ , you know. I'm staying to set up the PS3."

Bokuto slides off the couch like a puddle of water, that finally takes the shape of a person when it reaches the floor. Keiji gets up more normally, though Kuroo can feel the reluctance in his actions anyway. He can't believe his friends who used to practice even after club hours were  _this_ lazy now.

"Get me something with fish!" Kuroo calls after them.

"Yea, I know!" Bokuto yells back as they leave the house.

 

* * *

 

Keiji shivers as soon as he steps out again. It's not even snowing yet, but it was still pretty chilly.

"Keiji, you alright?" Bokuto peers at him.

"Yea." Keiji stuffs his hands into his pockets. "Let's go."

The walk to the convenience store is only about ten minutes, but it feels longer as Keiji struggles to keep warm. The weather has been unpredictable. He should have worn a warmer jacket.

"How has practice been?" Keiji asks conversationally.

"Oh, we've been playing with a foreign team! A team from Taiwan, actually. They're pretty good!"

"Mhm. Sounds like you've been having fun."

"They have some pretty strong players though, and our team struggle when they rotate up," Bokuto continues. "So Oikawa has been coming up with strategies and we've been trying them. We all wanna beat them, and it's sorta forcing the team together."

Keiji nods.

"How about you, Keiji?"

"Me?" Keiji blinks. "Oh...I ran into Shirofuku-san at Yasuda's yakiniku place the other day."

"Oh, Yukie-chan! How is she?"

"She's doing fine," Keiji smiles. "Anyway, we both came alone so we ended up eating together and catching up with each other. We talked about meeting up with everyone again since Christmas and New Years' were coming, and she asked if I wanted to organise it."

"You?"

"Yea. I...haven't been in touch with everyone that much this year so I think I should try to." Keiji pauses. "It'll be good to get everyone together again. I'd like to see everyone again."

"Where will we go, though?"

"That's the problem," Keiji sighs. "I'll have ask everyone when they're free and where they want to go, and then call and make reservations..."

"Hahaha! You sound like the vice-captain again!" Bokuto laughs. "But I think you'd do a good job!"

"Thanks," Keiji mutters bitterly.

 

They finally get to the convenience store, and Keiji is grateful that it's warmer. Keiji picks out his usual bento and a salmon bento for Kuroo while Bokuto debates between a few. When he finally comes to a decision (Keiji already knew he would pick beef), they pay at the counter and start the walk back.

"Hey Keiji...do you think we could ever be more?" Bokuto starts.

"What?" Keiji looks at him.

"It's not like I'm not happy now- I'm super happy! But just...would you be mad if I said I still have feelings for you and Tetsurou?"

"I'm not mad but," Keiji bites his lip. "It's over, Koutarou."

"But why? I like you and he liked you back! I don't understand!" Bokuto protests, exasperated. "Why does Tetsu get to say he's tired and then not want anything? Does this all just not matter?"

"It's..." Keiji sighs. "It's a compromise, alright? We all stay together as friends, and no one has to be unhappy."

"...okay." Bokuto concedes.

 

Keiji admits that he had spent the past few months thinking about it too. He finally found out that his feelings for Kuroo were mutual. Would Kuroo date him, if he asked? But he still liked Bokuto; he could probably patch things up with him if he tried, but should he? And what about Bokuto and Kuroo - what were they going to do? Every time he falls too deep into his thoughts, Keiji always ends with the same ones. Bokuto folding into himself, a shadow of his confidence. Kuroo sitting with his eyes to the ceiling, his face weary and his voice tired. It's over, and it's for the best.

He shouldn't be chasing the warmth of Bokuto's hands, the taste of his smile or the heat of his chest. He shouldn't be missing Kuroo's lips against his, the smell of his skin or his breath against Keiji's neck. He needs to throw it all away, and restart.

The remaining walk back is still chilly.

 

* * *

 

When they get back with the bentos, the playstation is already set up and Kuroo is in the middle of playing a game.

"Food is here!" Bokuto announces as soon as he steps through the door.

"Oh hey thanks." Kuroo pauses his game to take his bento from Bokuto.

"Whacha playin'?" Bokuto peers at the screen.

"Hmm? Nah I was just testing it, I'll put on a multiplayer so you guys can play too," Kuroo says.

Bokuto hops onto the couch and balances his bento on his lap.

"Damn, there's only two-player games."

"It's fine," Keiji says, taking the empty seat left between them. "I don't mind just watching."

"But just watching isn't fun!" Bokuto retorts. "You have to join us!"

"It's really fine," Keiji asserts. "I don't play videogames anyway."

"Wait," Kuroo turns away from the screen to look at Keiji. "Have you never played videogames?"

"I...have never had a console," Keiji answers cautiously, aware that all eyes are on him.

"Not even a gameboy?" Bokuto exclaims in horror.

Keiji shakes his head.

"Tetsu! This is horrible! Keiji has never played Pokemon! Or Street Fighter!" Bokuto cries. "And he's never played The Sims!"

"I've seen the first two," Keiji argues.

"Tetsurou... _We_ have to introduce him to videogames!" Bokuto continues, ignoring Keiji's comment. "What's a good first game?"

"Hmm...Dark souls?" Kuroo suggests with a playful smile.

"Oh that might actually be fun to watch him- Tetsu  _no!"_ Bokuto reaches around Keiji to smack Kuroo. "He'll hate videogames before he gets to love them!"

"Hahaha okay okay, I just thought it would be funny," Kuroo raises his hands in defense.

Keiji looks between them, frowning.

"How about a multiplayer, so I can play with one of you?" He suggests. Keiji, honestly, just did not want both of them to be watching him intently as he tries to figure out this or that game.

"Oh, how about Tekken?" Bokuto chirps, pointing at the game on the screen. "I'll help Keiji while you play against him!"

"Sure," Kuroo agrees, starting up the game.

 

Bokuto explains the game to him, pointing to each button and describing what it does. Keiji tries to follow, but the buttons and moves blend together in his head, and he keeps hitting the wrong button. Kuroo gives him time to figure it out, giving him a fifteen-second grace period before his character starts attacking. Still, Keiji loses the first three rounds.

"It's confusing," Keiji frowns. "I thought this was right punch but it was left kick."

"It's okay, we'll restart," Bokuto says.

Kuroo starts a new round, and this time Bokuto reaches his arm around Keiji to guide the controller. Keiji shifts to accommodate him, and the warmth of Bokuto's chest presses against his back. When the round starts, Bokuto says out every move as he taps it out on the controller. Keiji pretty much gives up control, resigning and leaning back against Bokuto.

"What the fuck!" Kuroo throws the controller into his lap when his character loses the round. "You were controlling like 90% of the controller! How is that just 'helping'?"

"Fine, play another round with Keiji but this time he chooses  _your_ character, and I won't help."

"Right," Kuroo hands his controller over hesitantly.

Keiji takes the controller from Kuroo. He realises that he's pretty much sitting in Bokuto's lap at this point. He had been used to it before when they were dating, but now he feels a little flustered that they aren't just sitting really close to each other. Bokuto still has his arms wrapped loosely around him and Keiji almost had his whole back resting against Bokuto's chest. Kuroo doesn't say anything, and Keiji doesn't really want to move away either. So he looks to the screen, scrolling through the characters to pick one for Kuroo.

"Don't pick anyone he chose before," Bokuto whispers to Keiji.

Keiji nods, wondering if Bokuto knew the effect he still had on him.

Following Bokuto's suggestion, he picks a character and passes the controller back to Kuroo. Bokuto advises him on which character to pick, and they start the round.

While the round is loading, Bokuto shows him the buttons for a special move. Keiji nods, committing it to memory.

"Shit I've never played Nina," Kuroo mutters as the round starts.

Keiji is finally a little more familiar with the controller, and though it's not instinctive yet, the character does what he wants them to. Eventually, at Bokuto's insistence, Keiji uses the special move he had shown him earlier.

"Kou you taught him a special move?" Kuroo remarks in surprise as he watches his character getting beaten up in a combo move on screen.

"Yeap," Bokuto grins. He points at the screen, where Kuroo's character has lost. "Haha Tetsu you still suck at Tekken!"

"I didn't know her moves!" Kuroo argues. "And it's not the game I'm good at!  _You_ 're the one who's good at Tekken!"

"Keiji, doesn't it feel good to win?" Bokuto asks, turning to peer at him.

"It does, actually," Keiji replies, smiling.

"Look if you challenged me at something I'm good at-" Kuroo argues.

"Nuh-uh," Bokuto shakes his head. "A loser is a loser."

"It won't be like this if it was CounterStrike!"

"Yea but I won't want to play with Emoboy69," Bokuto retorts, snickering.

Kuroo tosses his controller onto the couch and reaches for Bokuto. The latter yelps, quickly pulling away from Keiji and leaping off the couch.

"Yea come here you fucking hacker!" Kuroo yells, grabbing onto Bokuto's shirt.

Keiji chuckles into his hand as he watches them wrestle like 15-year-olds, yelling incoherently at each other. He catches bits of it, something about a prank, and Kuroo's password being too easy to guess. Eventually, their struggle comes to an end when Bokuto has Kuroo pinned to the floor, insisting that he's the winner in games and in real life. Trapped between his arms and blabbering mouth, Kuroo holds up his hands on either side of his head, conceding defeat.

Bokuto huffs, grinning at his win, and then collapses onto Kuroo.

"Hey," Kuroo complains half-heartedly, poking at Bokuto's arm.

Bokuto lets out a prolonged sigh and adjusts himself to lie more comfortably on Kuroo's chest. Kuroo rolls his eyes, but doesn't seem to mind as he pats Bokuto's back lightly. Keiji watches them with interest, wondering how they can take such a 180 turn.

"I like you, Tetsurou," Bokuto mumbles.

Kuroo freezes, hand hovering over Bokuto's back. He lets it fall to his side.

"Oh. Like..."

"Yea," Bokuto responds. "Do you like me?"

"I..." Kuroo hesitates, curling and uncurling his fingers into his palm. "Yea, I do."

Bokuto pulls away so that he can meet Kuroo eye-to-eye.

"Will you date me?"

Keiji feels like he shouldn't be in the same room, but it's too late to leave, and he can't bring himself to look away either.

"No." Kuroo answers flatly. He taps on Bokuto's arm, and Bokuto moves to let him get up.

"Why not?" Bokuto asks, hurt. "Why won't you date Keiji either?"

Keiji curls his hands into fists in his lap. Kuroo remains silent.

"Why do we have to be just friends?" Bokuto continues.

"Koutarou, stop." Keiji says weakly.

"I was really happy to date Keiji, but I wanted to share that happiness with you too, Tetsurou! We don't have to do this- this stupid compromising thing! I mean, we pretty much all like each other anyway, right? I don't know how this will really work but can't we try being boyfriends?" Bokuto says, exasperated. "Cause that's what I want! And I think - if it's us three, it could work!"

"I think Koutarou has a point." Keiji says carefully. "I would like to try, and see how we can work it out."

"Like, real dating?" Kuroo asks softly. He looks away. "I still think-"

Bokuto steps towards Kuroo, pulling him towards him. Kuroo stares wide-eyed at Bokuto, his heart stammering in his chest and his breath catching in his throat. One, two - seconds pass and Bokuto leans in and kisses him.

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou presses his eyes shut. He wants to hold Bokuto against him, but it betrays the point he had been trying so hard to stand by. Bokuto finally pulls away, leaving a lingering warmth on his lips and a disaster in his head.

"Why won't you want anything?"

Tetsurou opens his eyes.

"I..." He looks down; at his feet, at his hands, at everything that moves like betrayal. "I'll disappoint..."

"What is it, Tetsurou?" Akaashi gets up from the couch and steps towards Tetsurou, touching his arm encouragingly. "Tell us."

"My mum," Tetsurou starts. "I'll disappoint her."

 

He had lived with only his mum for as long as he could remember. It wasn't easy, and she was always working extra hard just to raise him comfortably. When he was young, Tetsurou used to top the class in science, and everyone told him that he could be a doctor if he wanted to. He believed that, and his mother encouraged him too. Tetsurou should have followed it then, and it would have made their lives easier. Instead, when the time came to choose, Tetsurou went for something else. Something else that barely paid him enough to support her.

And now...

 

"So...you know my father left when I was young, right?"

Bokuto and Akaashi nod, listening intently.

"But you didn't know why he left." Tetsurou sighs into his hands. "I didn't know until a few years ago too."

"Why...why did he leave?" Bokuto prompts.

"I heard that he got together with another man."

"Oh."

"Apparently he knew them before he even met my mum. Like, what the fuck? How can you marry someone, have a kid with them and then decide you like someone else?" Tetsurou spits, the words suddenly tumbling out of his mouth without restrain. "And  _I'm_ that kid! I can help her in the kitchen, carry the groceries, do well in school all I want, but I'll still have that traitor's face and she'll still cry in her room on their anniversary!"

"Tetsurou..." Keiji squeezes his arm.

"It's finally been better lately," Tetsurou sighs. "I don't want to ruin it again. If she knows I'm just like him-"

"You're not 'just like him'," Keiji says firmly. "And I don't think she will hate you for it."

"Yea, Tetsu! I've met your mum, she's super nice and loves you a lot!" Bokuto adds.

"I-I know but-" Tetsurou frowns. "She's my only family. I don't want to lose her just by coming out."

"Maybe she won't be pleased, but you're still her son." Keiji purses his lips. "I know you're trying not to make her upset, because you think she's already had it bad, but...aren't you making yourself upset?"

"I'm making you guys upset." Tetsurou says, grimacing.

"That, too." Keiji nods. "So, what do you think? Do you want to give this a shot?"

Tetsurou looks between them; at the small smile on Keiji's lips and the bright grin on Koutarou's.

"Okay," he says.

Koutarou steps towards him, covering him in a warm embrace and this time Tetsurou melts into it.

 

* * *

 

Keiji doesn't remember what he thought a sleepover was supposed to be. He had ideas, definitely, but had never settled on a single one. Bokuto is pushing the furniture against the wall as Kuroo lays out futons on the living room floor. So that's where they'll sleep. It feels like their sleeping quarters at training camp, except more intimate that it's just the three of them. And of course, no exhausting training. Keiji grabs a pillow and lays down on the left side of the futon. Bokuto plops down on the right side, leaving the middle open.

Kuroo flicks off the lights, picks up a pillow and lays down on his back between them.

"Hey if I...visit her, will both of you come along?" Kuroo asks. "My mum, I mean."

"You want to tell her?" Koutarou sits up to look at Kuroo.

"I should, right? I don't know how it'll go, or how she'll take this but..." Kuroo furrows his brows. "I want her to accept me. I don't want to do this if she doesn't accept me."

"Mhm, okay." Keiji reaches for Kuroo's arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "We'll go with you."

"Yea, we'll be with you, Tetsu," Koutarou adds.

"And...if it goes badly?" Kuroo continues, his voice rising with slight panic. "What if I can't see either of you ever again?"

"I don't think something that extreme will happen," Keiji assures him quickly. "And if it really doesn't work out, then you can choose what you want to do."

"Yeap. Well it'll suck, but we don't want to make things bad for you and your mum either," Koutarou continues. "Just...promise we can at least stay friends?"

"I promise." Kuroo nods, holding and squeezing Koutarou's hand.

"Man, I've always imagined that if she found out, she'd freak and disown me."

"That sounds a little extreme, but I can get where you're coming from," Keiji comments.

"Yea like, she can get pretty upset about my dad so...I didn't want to be the one to upset her like that." Kuroo sighs. "It'll fucking suck, that I try so hard to make her happy and then disappoint her and ruin everything."

"It'll be okay," Keiji says. "I can't promise that she won't get upset, but I'm sure she loves you enough to-"

"She loved my dad too," Kuroo interrupts, his voice shaky.

"Tetsu, stop," Bokuto pleads, moving to wrap his arms around him. "You didn't do anything bad."

"Koutarou..." Kuroo hugs him back. "Okay, I'll stop. Thank you."

"No problem." Bokuto pats him on the back.

"So um...are we just going to sleep now - or?" Keiji quips.

Bokuto and Kuroo turn to look at him.

"It just seems a bit too... _normal_ , if we just do that," Keiji adds quickly.

"Aww, Keiji did you want us to cuddle?" Kuroo teases, enjoying the way Keiji's cheeks flame in response.

"M-maybe...a goodnight kiss is enough."

Keiji looks between them.

"If that's okay."

Kuroo laughs, a soft and good-natured chuckle.

"Well, we happen to be dating, so I think that's fine."

Keiji breathes a sigh of relief while Kuroo looks over at Bokuto. The two exchange a look, and Keiji realises that he hasn't kissed either of them in months. Suddenly, he panics and wonders if there might still be tension between them. Maybe they should just go to sleep, and he shouldn't kiss them at all. Maybe they weren't ready to restart yet. What if this was another one of Keiji's stupid mistakes?

"Actually-"

"We gotta start somewhere," Bokuto remarks, shrugging. "Oh wait, what were ya saying, Keiji?"

"Oh...nothing."

Bokuto gives him a puzzled look, but doesn't press further.

"Well yea, so - goodnight kisses. We'll start from that."

Bokuto shifts so that he's facing Keiji. Kuroo has moved away to give them space, switching places with Bokuto.

 

It's been...months.

"Koutarou..." Keiji starts, his voice soft. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Oh. That-" Bokuto blinks. "Well I just...didn't want to give up when we didn't really try. And this might be working out now so, it's not so bad, is it?"

"Yea. It's not so bad at all." Keiji smiles. "Thank you, Koutarou."

It's not the first time he had kissed Bokuto, but it still feels like something he had waited really long for. The last time they were were together was not exactly the greatest memory. Since then, Bokuto had slipped from his fingers, and guilt holds Keiji down so hard that he doesn't dare to chase. Now he might finally have a second chance, and Bokuto is where he wants him again. It feels like their aquarium date all over again, but instead of starting out they're starting over. Instead of brushing skin and tentatively holding hands their lips are crashing and their arms are wrapping tightly around each other. Keiji doesn't wonder what he feels anymore. He knows it's real, because he still wants it when he thinks he can't have it, and now that he can have it again he doesn't want to give in.

It wasn't really the goodnight kiss he had imagined, but he thinks even Bokuto couldn't help it.

Keiji feels really self-conscious when they pull apart.

 

"Not sure if I got front row seats or was just a major third wheel," Kuroo says.

"You're not a third wheel," Keiji huffs, pulling Kuroo towards him.

Bokuto grins, moving away so that he can swap places with Kuroo.

"Tetsurou," Keiji says. "It's okay, right?"

"Hm, what's with this?" Kuroo quips. "And here I thought you were going to take the initiative."

"Because last time you-" Keiji starts, and then stops.

"You know that was because we weren't dating," Kuroo says. "And I..."

Kuroo's gaze falls to Keiji's lips.

"You can, now," Keiji answers.

Kuroo leans forward and Keiji doesn't really get to catch his breath. It's nothing like fireworks; it's a desperate ache in his chest that swells, pressing into his ribs until it gets hard to breathe. Keiji opens his mouth and some of the tension releases, leaving his lips in a sigh. Kuroo continues kissing him and Keiji thinks if this is something he can have, he wants to keep it forever.

When they pull away, Keiji becomes aware of how hard his heart is pounding, and this time he's pretty sure it was not just a goodnight kiss.

 

"Now I get what you mean about feeling like a third wheel," Bokuto remarks.

"Yea, Keiji gets all the action." Kuroo laughs while Keiji gets flustered.

"Hey come here so I can kiss you for all those times."

"Aww Tetsu!" Bokuto coos, scooting closer to him.

Kuroo rolls his eyes, but shifts to face him anyway.

"Oh yea and thanks, Koutarou," Kuroo says. "This all won't have happened without you."

"Huh? I just...wanted it to happen too, so." Bokuto shrugs, grinning sheepishly.

Kuroo kisses his smile. Bokuto kisses back, nipping playfully at Kuroo's lower lip. It's a little more tame, playful rather than passionate, but Kuroo can't deny that his chest is fluttering with excitement at what they could be. He's glad that they can have this, and even more.

 

* * *

 

"Goodnight," Tetsurou echoes after both of them, pulling the blanket up around himself. He's lying on his back instead of his stomach, and Akaashi and Bokuto are turned on their sides facing him. Their eyes are already closed after muttering their goodnights and tucking their bodies against his side.

With the lights off, heavy shadows fall over their faces, the bit of moonlight barely enough to make out their features. Tetsurou doesn't close his eyes yet. He watches the rise and fall of their chests and the rhythm of their breaths, warm against his skin.

It's not cold at all.

Instead of fear, he can be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I'm gonna say that Oikawa initially had a bigger part, but I didn't want to drag the story so I changed that part. Though he's still Bokuto's best friend on the team and Salty side character. I'm actually working on the last chapter now, so there will be another two chapters before it ends. The last chapter will probably be pretty long though :')
> 
> Again, thank you so much for continuing to read this fic! Next chapter, we'll meet Kuroo's mum.


	16. His Beacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo finally visits his mum, with Akaashi and Bokuto.

The train from Central Tokyo to Saitama takes over an hour, and after that they have to transfer to a bus, and then walk.

Since moving closer to the city, Tetsurou had lived surrounded by tall buildings and busy streets. Returning to his old town, he appreciates that it's noticeably quieter, while still holding the charms of a city. It's where he had grown up and gone to school, so the streets feel particularly nostalgic. Moving closer to the city had been for college and then the job he found, but...

"Tetsurou, you've gone quiet, are you feeling nostalgic?" Akaashi leans to peer at him.

"Huh? Uh, yea. A bit," Tetsurou admits. "I haven't been here in more than a month."

"Ooh? Sentimental Tetsurou?" Bokuto teases, strolling along beside him.

Tetsurou smacks him lightly.

"We didn't live in this area, but it did feel like this too," Akaashi remarks, looking around at the noticeably shorter buildings. "Tokyo is just too crowded sometimes."

"You mean all the time," Tetsurou corrects.

"Yes," Akaashi laughs, shaking his head.

 

They spend the rest of the walk talking about the differences between prefectures, and how much of a city they really need. Tetsurou and Akaashi quickly agree that they can't live out of the city, while Bokuto insists he could live in the country if he wanted to. Tetsurou proceeds to tease him, saying his mobile phone might not get signal and the electricity might go out in a thunderstorm.

"Is Koutarou going to become a farmer, then?" Akaashi asks as Tetsurou rings the doorbell.

"Pro volleyball player retires to become a farmer," Tetsurou says, and then laughs.

The door swings open after the second sound.

"Who's becoming a farmer?" Kuroo Mitsuko interrupts, her feminine voice cutting through the laughter.

"Mum!" Tetsurou calls, grinning.

"Hey," she greets back, waving casually. She's dressed in a loose T-shirt and sweatpants, with her hair up in a messy bun.

"Good afternoon, auntie," Akaashi bows politely. "Sorry for the intrusion."

"Hi auntie!" Bokuto greets brightly. "Thanks for letting us visit!"

"Come in," Mitsuko waves her hand. "It's good to see you again, Akaashi-kun and Bokuto-kun."

Both Akaashi and Bokuto bought something for Mitsuko; Akaashi bought spicy curry while Bokuto bought sakura chocolate. She says they shouldn't have bothered, but seemed pleased to accept the gifts anyway. Meanwhile, Tetsurou had forgotten to get her what she asked for from Tokyo, and she chides him for it, but only playfully.

 

During the trip, Tetsurou had at first felt nothing but gnawing unease in his gut. When they finally got to Saitama, walking around familiar streets started to ease his nerves. Upon entering the house, setting aside his things and collapsing on the sofa, Tetsurou is easily at home again. It helps that he tries not to think about what he needs to tell his mum later. Instead, Tetsurou focuses on little trivial things, like how Mitsuko seemed to have rearranged some of the things on the shelf, meaning that she finally cleaned it. He thinks about pointing this out, wondering if she would respond with pride or call him out for not cleaning _his_ house.

Bokuto plops down on the couch beside Tetsurou, while Akaashi takes a seat more gently on his other side.

"Are you going to tell her?" Akaashi says, only loudly enough for Tetsurou and Bokuto to hear.

"That..." Tetsurou frowns. "Later. After we have dinner."

"You got this, Tetsu." Bokuto nudges his shoulder.

"Whatever happens," Akaashi says, squeezing Tetsurou's knee. "We'll-"

"Right so-" Mitsuko cuts in, returning to the living room with a tray of tea. Akaashi quickly moves his hand back to his own lap. "Are you gonna tell me what you've been busy with? Or were you just lazy to visit?"

"I _was_ busy!" Tetsurou whines. "I told you, Kenma's game and all that."

Mitsuko rolls her eyes.

"How about you, Akaashi-kun? Bokuto-kun?"

"I've been practising hard!" Bokuto replies. "We're getting ready for a short game right after New years!"

"I've been the usual," Akaashi answers. "How about you, auntie?"

"I'm good," Mitsuko says. "You three seem close."

For a moment Tetsurou panics, wondering if they had seemed too intimate. Maybe they shouldn't be using each others' first names, or even have sat next to each other on the couch.

"Well, we've all been living in Tokyo," Akaashi says quickly.

"I guess Akaashi-kun has been taking care of both of you?" Mitsuko continues, turning to Tetsurou and Bokuto. "Tetsurou can be quite a pain, I know that 'cause I raised him myself, haha!"

" _Mum!"_ Tetsurou grumbles. "I'm an adult!"

"Tetsurou and Koutarou have taken care of me too," Akaashi says kindly.

"See!" Tetsurou gestures. Bokuto bursts out into laughter beside him.

"Finally it's Tetsu getting bullied!"

Tetsurou shoots him a glare, but Mitsuko continues teasing him while Bokuto joins in relentlessly, and Akaashi throwing in occasional remarks, never really taking a side. They talk a bit more until Mitsuko has to leave to prepare dinner, and then Tetsurou takes the chance to show them around.

 

* * *

 

Keiji has never been to Kuroo's house. Bokuto, on the other hand, had been to Kuroo's house a couple of times during their breaks. He heard they mostly played videogames together. Back then, the invitation never extended to Keiji and it seemed like their kind of thing anyway.

Kuroo's room is mostly empty - the shelves are vacated; the items probably moved to his place in Tokyo. There is a fresh set of bedsheets on his bed - Mitsuko had already prepared for his arrival, as expected. As Keiji's eyes sweep around, he observes that there are still a few posters left on the walls. They are probably things Kuroo had been into years ago. Surprisingly, Kuroo isn't ashamed to talk about them when Keiji asks. Bokuto says that it's because the ones he was embarrassed about had already been taken down, and Keiji half-believes that. There's a gleam in Kuroo's eyes even as he talks about something he used to love, and Keiji thinks that if Kuroo could love something so openly, he couldn't imagine him wanting to hide that.

 

* * *

 

Soon, they get called down to dinner. Mitsuko has prepared a few dishes to go with rice, namely grilled mackerel, Kuroo's favourite.

"Man Kuroo, usually when people go home they have sukiyaki or something, but you're just like 'saba's good'."

Kuroo frowns as he picks at a piece of the mackerel.

"But it _is_ good."

"It's just saba though!" Koutarou makes a face, slumping against the table.

"We should have sukiyaki for New year's," Akaashi says without looking up from his food.

"Yea! Okay Keiji, find a sukiyaki place and we'll go there with the team!"

Keiji grimaces, and Koutarou laughs.

"Anyway, you're in _my_ house, so you'd better eat what I cooked, Bokuto-kun," Mitsuko chides lightly.

"Yes, Madam!" Koutarou answers, piling more food onto his bowl.

The rest of their dinner continues in a similar spirit, with teasing banter that goes back-and-forth between Koutarou, Kuroo and Mitsuko. Akaashi eats quietly most of the time, only pausing his chopsticks to throw in a few comments. Unsurprisingly, he's the first to finish, but stays at the table until all of them are done.

 

"Tetsurou, can you help me with the dishes?" Mitsuko calls as they get up from the table.

"Sure," Kuroo answers, moving to pick up the dishes and bring them to the kitchen.

Keiji pauses as he passes Kuroo on the way back to the living room.

"Tetsurou," he starts, only loud enough for their ears. "You said you would...after dinner."

Kuroo stiffens, but doesn't drop the dishes in his hands.

"Yea."

He follows his mother to the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou had always loved helping his mother out in the kitchen. There was something calming about working beside his mother; whether it was peeling potatoes, chopping carrots or washing vegetables. He knew she was probably faster on her own. Balanced on a short stool with a small knife in his child-sized hands, Tetsurou's kitchen skills had been sloppy at best. He had gotten better since then, but when he realised that Mitsuko didn't need his help as badly as he had thought, helping out in the kitchen just became their way of bonding.

Tetsurou finds a poignant silence between them as they work; punctuated only by the running of water and clink of cutlery. He pushes leftover scraps into the bin beside the sink, passing them to Mitsuko when he's done so that she can wash them. There really isn't enough space for both of them to be washing, so he only assumes that she wanted him here because it was what they used to do. He could dry the plates, but they usually leave it on a drying rack, so that would be redundant. Once Tetsurou is done with the last plate, he stays beside her.

He can't find it in himself to feel comfortable, despite the familiarity of what they're doing. Tetsurou doesn't have homework to rush off to do; and he really _does_ want to spend time with her. It's just...

He needs to tell her.

"Mum, what if I...never get a girlfriend?"

Mitsuko looks up, and her lips are quirked up in a small smile.

"Aww, you will! You're so handsome and charming!"

Tetsurou nudges her, huffing in disbelief.

"Well, I'm not one of those grandchildren-obsessed aunties down the street," Mitsuko laughs, turning back to the dishes. "So I won't pressure you to find a girlfriend, if you're worried about that."

"Haha that's good," Tetsurou lets out a lukewarm laugh. "I don't like girls."

"It's alright that you can't find a girl you like," Mitsuko responds, stacking the last plate on the rack and drying her hands on a towel. "Just take your time, really."

"No, I mean I like-" Tetsurou starts hastily, but pauses abruptly when his words get caught.

Mitsuko has dried off her hands and returned her full attention to Tetsurou.

"I like guys," Tetsurou finishes.

She stares at him, so still that he can count the seconds as they pass, a thick and heavy silence pulling on the tendrils of his words. At this point, part of Tetsurou wants to blow it off as a joke and pull everything back, away from the suffering silence and away from any confrontation. Another part of him thinks that he has finally come this far and if it doesn't go through well, he could at least get it off his chest.

"Since when?" she asks in a quiet voice.

"About...15," Tetsurou answers.

"That's a long time," Mitsuko says slowly. "Can we...talk about this upstairs?"

"Okay." Tetsurou nods.

If they talk in the kitchen, Akaashi and Bokuto might overhear them, even if they don't mean to. Tetsurou understands why she would want better privacy, but still it stirs unease in his gut. Mitsuko hardly spoke like that - her voice was always firm, even when she was being gentle. It carried a strong and steady tone, undeniably his source of strength at times. To hear it crumble and to hear it go quiet with uncertainty made his heart hurt. It sounded like the few times she spoke honestly about his father - was he causing her the same pain?

If he was, he wants to stop right now. It isn't worth it. Since the first time Tetsurou had witnessed her cry - from a combination of stress, weariness and the turbulent of emotions within her - he promised to never cause her that pain. When he got older, it became clearer that whatever relatives they had couldn't be counted on. If they only had each other, then Tetsurou was going to hold onto that promise harder than anything else.

 

They go up to his room and sit at the edge of his bed.

"I don't really know what to say," Mitsuko says finally.

"Do you want to say that I'm like him?" Tetsurou responds. "I know I _am_ , but-"

He sighs.

"Do I hurt you?"

"A little," Mitsuko replies.

Oh. So it _does_ hurt her. Tetsurou wasn't just born with his face - his DNA sits deep in his veins, always a sickening reminder to her. He can try all he wants but-

"You've been keeping this from me for a while," she continues. Tetsurou looks up at her, blinking. "Even though it sounds like it's been bothering you."

"Oh."

"I want you to trust me, so it hurts me that you've decided to keep something like that from me for so long."

Tetsurou's chest tightens, and his next breath presses painfully against his throat.

"But I...I like guys? Aren't you disappointed in me?"

"I'm a little...surprised, but-" Mitsuko pauses, pursing her lips as she gathers her thoughts. "I've thought about it, and you're like my second chance, Tetsurou. I may have married the wrong man who didn't love me enough to stay but - you gave me another chance. You gave me another shot at building a family, and I've never been disappointed in you."

"Oh...I always thought..." Tetsurou trails off, hanging his head.

"I know I'm not the best mother, and sometimes it's hard to look after you when times get bad, but it's not your fault, okay?"

Tetsurou nods. Relief fills his chest, releasing the suffocating grip around his throat.

"Keiji and Koutarou..." he starts after a while. "I like them. I like them a lot."

"Ah...them?"

"Yea. I've asked them, but I wanted you to accept me after all."

"I see," Mitsuko hums. "They're both good people, and if you think you'd be happy with them, you should give them a chance."

"You really think it's...okay?" Tetsurou asks. "You don't think it's too unconventional or anything?"

"When have we ever been a conventional family?" Mitsuko laughs. "Besides, it's all good if you're happy."

"Oh...happy, huh."

Wasn't Koutarou and Keiji talking about the same thing?

"The past half a year hasn't been so great, actually."

Mitsuko shifts closer to him, pulling him down to rest on her shoulder.

"Mhmm, keep talking, Tetsurou," she says, running her hand over his back in slow, soothing strokes.

"It's better now but it was pretty bad," he continues.

 

* * *

 

It's been a while since Tetsurou feels lighter like this. When they finally head downstairs again, Akaashi and Bokuto almost leap out of their seats.

"It's fine, we just talked a lot," Tetsurou assures them. "Everything's fine."

Akaashi looks from Tetsurou to Mitsuko.

"He told me about the both of you."

"Oh...so it's.."

"I think you three will be happy together, right?" Mitsuko smiles gently.

"Yea! We will be," Bokuto answers, grinning.

"Thank you, auntie." Akaashi bows. "It's getting late now, I think we should get going."

"Awww..." Bokuto pouts, but doesn't protest.

They start moving to pack their things, and Tetsurou takes a quick look around the house to check if there's anything they had forgotten. Fifteen minutes later, he and his mum are seeing them off at the door.

"Thanks for the dinner, auntie!" Bokuto says, bending in a bow.

"Sorry for imposing and thank you for treating us well," Akaashi echoes with a polite bow.

"Well, visit again anytime!" Mitsuko chirps. "You two are always welcomed!"

"Aww thanks auntie!" Bokuto grins.

"Hey," Tetsurou tugs on Akaashi's wrist. Akaashi shuffles towards him without question, letting Tetsurou lead him into a hug. His arms come up around Tetsurou's waist, wrapping around them and pulling their bodies close.

"Thanks for coming here with me today," Tetsurou mumbles against his hair. "Really appreciate it."

"It's nothing," he answers, breathing into the crook of his neck.

They pull apart and Akaashi switches place with Bokuto so that Tetsurou can hug him too.

Bokuto pulls Tetsurou towards him, arms tight around his shoulders. Tetsurou stumbles a little, but settles against his chest. He lets out a relieved sigh at the warmth pressed flush against him.

"Hey Koutarou, thanks for making me do this."

"Told you it would work out," Bokuto huffs.

"Yea," Tetsurou smiles against his shoulder.

Bokuto moves his arm, slowly releasing Tetsurou and pulling away.

"Well, safe trip back," Tetsurou says. Mitsuko echoes him, waving.

"Goodnight Tetsurou, and goodnight auntie," Akaashi responds with a small wave.

"See you!" Bokuto beams, waving wildly.

Then Tetsurou and Mitsuko watch them turn down the street towards the bus-stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yea, the next chapter will be the last. I'm still working on it currently and really hoping to get it out soon.  
> Anyway, I had fun writing Kuroo's mum and it seems like things are finally mostly wrapped up :'))  
> Thanks for reading, as always!


	17. Friends To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long it took me to get this chapter out; I've started working on it but it just kept growing, and I ran into plenty of roadblocks too. Well, there's been plenty of things, like work, my hands being out of commission and my fickle motivation and mood. I still don't think I can be very proud of this, but I'd hate to leave this unfinished.
> 
> This last part is more like an epilogue and it's probably the longest chapter I've written.

Tetsurou rubs his hands together as he walks. It's been getting more chilly as it creeps into December, and Tetsurou wonders why the hell Bokuto decides to go to the zoo. At least, he thinks as he stuffs his hands into his pockets, Bokuto would probably be warm. Sometimes Tetsurou thinks his boyfriend is like the sun compacted into a person; all warm and radiant.

"Tetsurou!" Bokuto waves, emerging from the station gantry.

"You're late," Tetsurou frowns, but throws his arms open for Bokuto anyway.

As usual he charges into Tetsurou, nearly toppling them over. Tetsurou slithers his arms under Bokuto's jacket, in between the layers of fabric, where it's warmest.

"Shit- Tetsurou your hands are cold!" Bokuto cries, jerking away.

"No no don't you dare run!" Tetsurou smirks, pulling Bokuto closer. Bokuto whines, slumping against him in defeat. When Tetsurou finally releases him, they start on the walk to the zoo.

 

* * *

 

It's not as crowded as it would be in the summer and Tetsurou is grateful since it means the queues are shorter. They get their tickets at the counter, and then Bokuto is pulling Tetsurou by the hand.

"Hey, the animals aren't going anywhere!" Tetsurou laughs as he stumbles behind.

"Oh-" Bokuto loosens his grip.

"No, this is fine." Tetsurou tightens his hold, catching up and falling into step with Bokuto.

 

The first exhibit they come across is the giant pandas. Tetsurou had brought a camera along. It had been a gift from his mother years ago - an expensive present that he had never used. Now he promises to fill it with pictures of Bokuto and hopefully Akaashi as well. Getting photos of Bokuto is easy. He prances in front of Tetsurou, striking peace signs and posing readily for the camera. Tetsurou snaps away, hiding his grin behind the lens.

They move on to the owls, where Bokuto's excitement intensifies even more. His eyes light up at the sight of every exhibit and Tetsurou catches the name of every owl species leaving his lips in a feverish mutter. He must have spent more time reading about owls than studying for exams. Akaashi would be exasperated, but Tetsurou only feels amused.

It's cute, the way Bokuto runs up to each exhibit but turns back to make sure Tetsurou is still following. He snaps away on his camera, thankful for the fast shutter to catch candid shots of Bokuto.

Bokuto slows down when they get to the elephants. Now instead of lagging behind to catch photos of him, Tetsurou has fallen back into step with him. Bokuto's hand swings between them while Tetsurou has his around his camera. They bump shoulders as they walk, but Tetsurou doesn't really mind. He likes being close to Bokuto, too.

"Hey hey, can I use the camera?" Bokuto asks.

"Sure, I have it in auto mode, and this is the shutter." Tetsurou passes the camera to him.

"Great, now smile!" Bokuto aims the camera at him.

The shutter goes off but Tetsurou only blinks.

"Haha you're awful at this!" Bokuto laughs.

Tetsurou regains his composure and reaches for the camera.

"Hey delete that!"

"No way!" Bokuto giggles, dodging away. "I'm keeping this one!"

"It's my camera anyway!" Tetsurou retorts.

"Right, but I'm gonna take more photos of you so you better not delete them!"

"More photos of this handsome face?" Tetsurou smirks, holding his hand up to frame his face.

"Yea, your disgusting face!" Bokuto sticks his tongue out at Tetsurou, turning to march off to the next exhibit with the camera.

 

It feels a little weird to not have the camera in his hands when he had gotten so used to it in the past hour. He's usually not camera-shy, but with Bokuto focusing the lens on him so much, he can't help prickling with self-consciousness. Tetsurou enjoys the next few exhibits, leaning against the safety railing to watch the tigers stretch lazily in their enclosure.

It's comfortable hanging out with Bokuto like this. Tetsurou doesn't worry about being too loud or about running his mouth because if anyone can compete, it's Bokuto. With Bokuto around, it's easy to end up doubling over with laughter until his stomach is hurting, talking so much that his throat runs dry and stretching a grin so wide his cheeks ache. As much as he would love to run around and have fun with Bokuto like they usually do, Tetsurou wants something more.

It's their first date - their first time going out as boyfriends.

"Koutarou, wanna put away the camera for a bit?" He gestures for Bokuto to come over.

"Huh? But wait, we don't have a photo together!" Bokuto protests.

"I can do that with my phone." Tetsurou reaches for his phone in his backpocket, switching on the front camera for a selfie together.

As he lines up the camera for a photo, Tetsurou peers to his side, where Bokuto is pressing closer to fit in frame. His gaze slides down to Bokuto's cheek, and an idea forms in his head. Right after the picture gets taken he will-

He will

He doesn't.

Tetsurou misses his chance when he hesitates and Bokuto moves to grab his phone. Tetsurou lets Bokuto take his phone and rubs his free hands over his face.

 _Get yourself together!_ He tells himself. He's got all day - not really, he's only got all afternoon. Later in the evening Bokuto is seeing Akaashi for dinner, and then after that Akaashi is going over to Tetsurou's. They could have all gone out together, but all of them agreed that they wanted to spend time with each other alone. So when they managed to find a free day for everyone, they packed a full day of dates into it. Anyway, Tetsurou has to make his afternoon with Bokuto count. He doesn't know when he could get this much time alone with Bokuto again.

But what should he do? How does he cross the line between friends and lovers? Heck, how does dating go?

"Tetsurou?" Bokuto peers at him.

"Oh, sorry I uh-" Tetsurou splutters. Bokuto continues giving him a puzzled look. Tetsurou sighs at himself.

"Am I bad at dating?"

"Huh? Why would you say that, Tetsurou?" Bokuto's eyebrows rise in confusion.

"Like, I'm not being romantic at all?"

"You don't have to be." Bokuto blinks, answering matter-of-factly. "You just have to do what you want."

"Oh." Tetsurou stares at him. "So I...can kiss you if I want to?"

"Mhmm." Bokuto nods.

Again, Tetsurou is glad there aren't many people today.

He leans down, tilting his head and pressing his lips against Bokuto's. His lips are little chap from the weather, and Tetsurou runs his tongue lightly over them. Bokuto shivers, and Tetsurou knows it's not from the cold because his hands are coming up to tug on his jacket to pull him closer. Tetsurou wraps his hands around Bokuto's waist, pulling their bodies together. Having Bokuto pressed up against him feels good - good for this cold weather, because it keeps him warm; good for his mind, because he's been thinking about Bokuto; good for his body, because it's reacting in ways that-

Aren't appropriate in public. Tetsurou parts slowly; hands reluctantly slithering away from his warm body and lips gently pulling apart. Bokuto grins up at him, a sheepish blush spreading over his cheeks. The corners of his lips quirk up in response and his chest glows warm.

"Let's go," Tetsurou says.

With his camera slung over a shoulder, their hands meet partway, calloused fingers brushing with each step. Then Tetsurou stretches his fingers just a little, circling around Bokuto's until their hands fit together. It's a simple and small gesture, but it has Tetsurou walking with a small skip in his step. They can take it slow; he doesn't mind at all.

 

* * *

 

"I can't believe you made us go to the zoo in winter for our first date," Tetsurou mutters when they sit down for lunch.

"Huh? Was it a bad idea?" Bokuto peers at him, slumping his shoulders.

"Nah, I'm having a lot of fun." Tetsurou reaches over to put an arm around him.

"Really? Then we should go to the amusement park next time! And we should ask Keiji along too!" Bokuto gushes, leaning into his side.

"Would he go on the rides? Oh no, what if Keiji has never been to an amusement park?"

"We'll have to make him go!" Bokuto laughs.

They continue talking about future trips, throwing around ideas for other fun places they could go to. Tetsurou thinks they ought to see a movie together, or go out for a nice dinner once but reading the gleam in Bokuto's eyes, he decides he can shelf that away for when they're old. There are too many places he wants to go with Bokuto. He touches the camera resting at his side, thinking about the memories they could make.

Eventually they have to part ways for Bokuto to meet Akaashi and for Tetsurou to head home.

"Goodbye kiss?" Tetsurou teases, leaning to bump their noses together.

"I can't get used to how gross you are, Tetsu," Bokuto mocks, grinning. But he tugs on Tetsurou's neck, bringing their lips together. Tetsurou's hands go around his waist, fingers playing with the hems of his jacket. Bokuto pulls him closer, arms warm around Tetsurou's neck.

When they part, their hands slide to sit in the crook of each others' arms.

"See you, have a good time with Keiji," Tetsurou says, squeezing his arm.

"You too, later," Bokuto says back, reluctantly pulling away.

"Hey." Tetsurou reaches forward, fingers circling around Bokuto's elbow and tugging him back. Bokuto stumbles, falling against Tetsurou's chest.

"Oh," he breathes as Tetsurou's arms slowly come up to hold him in an embrace. "That's the smoothest thing you've done all day."

"Shut up, Koutarou," Tetsurou laughs, grimacing. "I've been trying."

"Sure, you charmer," Bokuto scoffs, squeezing and nuzzling into his shoulder.

Tetsurou had to admit that Bokuto really gave great hugs. It made it hard for him to pull away.

"Now go charm Keiji," Tetsurou says. "And I'll see you for another awesome date again."

"Yea!" Bokuto beams, the light tinge of a blush dusting his cheeks. Tetsurou smiles back, feeling his face flush. Another time - he'll see Bokuto another time, and even more times after that. After all, Tetsurou had a whole bucket list for them.

 

* * *

 

Koutarou felt a little disheartened that he had to leave Kuroo, but he was brimming with anticipation for his dinner with Akaashi. Not only did he get to have an amazing day with Kuroo, he gets to see Akaashi as well! As he heads to the station where they had planned to meet, Koutarou feels a skip in his step as he walks, excitement burning through his toes. He couldn't wait to see Akaashi again.

"Hello, Koutarou," Akaashi says, his voice bursting the bubble of Koutarou's thoughts.

"Oh, Keiji!" Koutarou whips his head around, beaming at the sight of his boyfriend. "You're here earlier than I thought!"

"I left a little early," Akaashi responds, ducking into his scarf. Was that a blush blooming over his cheeks, or was it just red from the cold?

"How was your date with Tetsurou?"

"It was good!" Koutarou answers brightly. "But he complained a lot about the cold."

Akaashi laughs, light and airy against his hand.

"Yes, Tetsurou hates the cold."

"But he likes me 'cause I'm warm!" Koutarou remarks, throwing an arm around Akaashi and leading them out of the station.

"Mhmm, you are." Keiji smiles, leaning into his side.

 

They decide to have dinner at a pasta place that Koutarou had heard about from his team mates. As usual, Koutarou takes a long time looking through the menu, stuck between different sauce and meat choices. Koutarou ends up getting spaghetti with tomato sauce and extra meatballs, while Akaashi gets their recommended item, that was carbonara spaghetti. Koutarou also throws in a few sides that he says they would _share_ , to which Akaashi smiles and nods knowingly.

"So Keiji, have you been planning the New year's meetup?" Koutarou asks casually.

Akaashi grimaces in response.

"Well, some of them have yet to confirm when they're free, so I can't book anything until then," he says, resting his chin against his palm. "Shirofuku-san has been suggesting places we could eat though, so that's helping a bit."

"That's great! Man I can't wait to see everyone again!"

"Yea, me too."

 

A while later, their food arrives. Koutarou quickly digs into his food, spearing his spaghetti and twirling it messily. He vaguely remembers Oikawa talking about how it should be done, but he really doesn't care about being 'sophisticated' or 'elegant' when he's hungry. Unfortunately, he wasn't hungry enough to overlook the startling...lacklustre taste of his food. Koutarou frowns, pausing to stare down at his plate. He won't say he was picky about food - Koutarou wanted to say he would eat anything, and had even once eaten expired bread without realising how stale it was until his mum noticed and yelled at him.

But maybe, just lately, he's been having food a little better than convenience store buns and cheap bentos. He's been dining at better places because his friends or team mates bring him there. Oikawa even praised him recently for eating slowly enough to 'taste the food'. Oh no. He was getting _spoilt_.

Koutarou glances across the table at Akaashi's plate. Akaashi won't mind...sharing, would he? Wasn't that a thing couples did? Koutarou wasn't sure if he was ready to start sharing all his food, but he was pretty sure that if Akaashi were to give some of his food to Koutarou, Koutarou would also give him some in return. Fair trade.

He wasn't sure how to ask. So instead of asking, he hoped Akaashi would offer. Carefully, Koutarou inches closer, casually stretching his arm across the table.

"How's your food?" he asks.

"It's good," Akaashi says without looking up. "I think it was a good idea to get their recommended dish."

Koutarou internally curses at himself for not doing the same thing.

"How's yours?" Akaashi finally looks up, casting a glance at Koutarou.

"It's...mhmm. Yea," Koutarou hums tunelessly.

Akaashi raises his eyebrows, but says nothing and returns to his food. Koutarou watches him eat for a while, before finally giving up.

"Keiji, can I taste some of your food?" He blurts out. "Please?"

Akaashi startles, cutlery pausing in his hands.

"Okay..."

Koutarou happily reaches for Akaashi's food with his fork.

The recommended item was better. So much better. Koutarou almost continues reaching for a second mouthful when he notices Akaashi staring at him.

Oh. Did he say he could only have one bite?

Koutarou tears his eyes away from Akaashi's plate, bringing them up to meet his. Maybe Akaashi will understand, and maybe he'll let him. Koutarou could continue eating off Akaashi's plate, stealing bites when he isn't paying attention, but he doesn't want Akaashi to get mad at him. Especially not on their date.

"You're being picky about your food, Koutarou," Akaashi chides.

Koutarou gives him a wittering look.

"Fine, you can have a bit more. But only a bit." Akaashi pushes the plate a little closer to Koutarou.

"Really? Thanks!" Koutarou immediately sits up, reaching forward with his fork.

 

* * *

 

"If I get hungry later, it'll be your fault." Akaashi says bitterly when they leave the restaurant.

"Sorry!" Koutarou offers in apology. "I'll pay the bill!"

Akaashi raises his eyebrows, and Koutarou can't tell if it's enough for him to be forgiven. Taking food from each other's bentos was a common occurrence when they used to eat together in school, though it mostly happened one way more than the other. Koutarou would pout when it was Akaashi taking his food, kicking up a fuss, but he was quick to forget. Akaashi, on the other hand, could hold a grudge all the way up to practice, making Koutarou feel it in the force of his tosses.

Was Akaashi still mad at him? Koutarou shoots careful glances at him as they walk. He had asked before taking a bite, and Akaashi had given him the green light, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Although Koutarou did take another five or so bites that he didn't ask about.

Akaashi lets out a sigh, brushing their fingers together.

"I'm not mad at you, Koutarou."

"Oh!" Koutarou perks up.

Akaashi hums, circling his fingers around Koutarou's. Koutarou holds back, grinning.

"Do you want to get a snack?"

Akaashi shakes his head.

"I'll be heading to Tetsurou's place soon, and he probably keeps snacks around. I'll just take something."

"Hah! You know his place pretty well, huh?"

"Sort of." Akaashi shrugs. "I'd like to become better acquainted with your place sometime as well."

"You're always welcomed, Keiji!"

"Thank you, Koutarou." Akaashi smiles back.

Koutarou feels his cheeks flush as a matching smile tugs at his lips. He remembers how some of their first years talked about how their vice-captain was always frowning. Well, it was true that Akaashi frowned pretty often; he frowned when Koutarou made a ruckus, when Koutarou bullied the first years - but he smiles when they make a good play, when he spots improvement in the team. Koutarou loves Akaashi's smile - it's subtle, just the slightest tug of his lips, but it brings the blood rushing to his head thinking that Akaashi is pleased, Akaashi is happy.

 

"Do you wanna go for a walk? Or do you have to...go already?"

"I can stay," Akaashi answers.

"Great!" Koutarou beams. He squeezes Akaashi's hand and they continue walking down the street aimlessly.

"Koutarou, you know-" Akaashi starts as they take a turn into a quiet area. "You're pretty cool."

"Huh?" Koutarou's head whips around, mouth hanging open. "K-Keiji! Is that a compliment?"

"It is," Akaashi nods. "You're not gonna agree?"

"I...yea! I _am_ pretty cool, huh?"

"I like your confidence, Koutarou." Akaashi smiles. "It's half your plays and half your big mouth."

"Hey- wait, what do you mean?" Koutarou splutters in confusion.

"I mean what I say, you know I'm always honest." Akaashi's smile stretches into a grin. "Your plays are good, but your voice motivates other people too, so don't let anyone stop you."

"Keiji!" Koutarou grins, his chest swelling with blithe. He steps towards Akaashi, circling his arms around him and pulling him into a hug.

Akaashi leans against him, arms wrapping around his back and sighing into his shoulder.

"Even if I'm not your setter, I'll still support you."

"Mhm," Koutarou hums happily, nuzzling into his hair. "Hey Keiji...have you ever regretted stopping volleyball?"

Akaashi pulls away, untangling their arms.

"Sometimes..." He admits slowly. "But with really good players like Oikawa-san, I think you're in good hands."

"Yea, Oikawa is pretty good," Koutarou agrees. He does feel a little sulky that Akaashi isn't his setter anymore. He always thought the latter brought out his best plays, and with the steady no. 5 jersey lingering just behind his back, Koutarou feels that he can hit any spike.

He needs to accept it, though. Akaashi won't be his setter anymore and neither would Kuroo be a rival. As much as he thinks of their high school volleyball, it's nothing more than an endearing memory now. Now he has Oikawa tossing to him while Akaashi and Kuroo are in the stands.

 _But_ , Koutarou thinks, glancing to Akaashi walking at his side. _This isn't bad._

They aren't just friends on the court, after all. And Koutarou thinks this is better. When he finds a nice place he can call Akaashi out to have dinner there together. When he hears about somewhere fun he can count on Kuroo to check it out with him.

"You're not my setter anymore but, you're still here to stay."

"That's what I've been saying," Akaashi responds, amused. "You're slow."

Koutarou grins, leaning to land a sloppy kiss on Akaashi's lips.

Akaashi smiles against his lips, hands coming up to cup Koutarou's face, pulling him close for a deeper kiss. Koutarou shifts, turning his body so that he's facing Akaashi properly. They've wandered into a small street of shops that have closed early, so there really aren't many people around.

Akaashi's arms are moving to wrap around Koutarou's neck, his breaths hot against Koutarou's mouth. It's hard to resist pushing Akaashi against the wall, even though he whines at the cold.

"Aah the- it's c-cold," Akaashi whimpers, shivering as his back presses against the cold concrete.

"Sorry," Koutarou mutters, the apology escaping as a harsh breath between kisses. He reaches under the layers of Akaashi's jacket, running his hands down his sides and gripping onto his hips. Akaashi gasps when Koutarou tugs them close.

"K-Koutarou!"

Akaashi squeezes his eyes shut as Koutarou grinds his hips together. Suddenly, the cold on his back feels really distant when heat is building in his front. Koutarou kisses down his jaw, pulling at his shirt to reach his neck. He moans, rolling his hips to feel Koutarou.

"Fuck...Keiji," Koutarou groans, the sound a low rumble in his chest.

"Mhmm aah we're still...outside," Akaashi argues weakly.

"...shit, you're right," Koutarou mutters, starting to pull away, albeit reluctantly.

"I can go to your place another time," Akaashi continues, face flushed as he catches his breath. "I promised to see Tetsurou later."

"Okay," Koutarou replies, chest heaving with deep breaths.

Akaashi pulls Koutarou into an embrace, holding his head against his shoulder. Koutarou returns the gesture, wrapping his arms around Akaashi's waist to pull him close.

"Say 'hi' to Tetsurou for me," Koutarou says. Akaashi is about to answer when Koutarou twists his head and kisses Akaashi on the neck again.

"Ah- Koutarou..." Akaashi sighs involuntarily, shivering as Koutarou sucks on the sensitive skin.

Then he finally pulls away, licking his flushed lips.

"Another time, you have to come over, okay?" Koutarou says.

"I will." Akaashi touches his neck where Koutarou had kissed him, feeling blood creeping up his neck and a deep blush blooming over his face. "See you then, Koutarou."

"See you, Keiji!" Koutarou waves, grinning as he heads back towards the station. "I love you!"

"I-!" Akaashi stutters after him. "I love you...too...."

He isn't sure if Koutarou heard him, but at this point he doesn't think he doubts how Akaashi feels.

"God..." Akaashi rubs his hands over his face when Koutarou is gone.

Kuroo's place is only a short walk from there, but Akaashi takes almost twice as long, letting the heat on his face simmer in the cold evening.

 

* * *

 

Keiji arrives outside Kuroo's place. He's been here many times before, mostly on impromptu, spur-of-the-moment decisions as well. It should feel natural, by now, to visit Kuroo. His hands shouldn't be twitching in his pockets as he listens after ringing the doorbell, feet shifting uncomfortably. What is he nervous for?

He hears muffled footsteps and some fumbling before the door swings open.

"Sorry, I just woke up from a nap," Kuroo says hastily. His hair is even messier than usual, bangs sticking out in every direction.

"Charming," Keiji smiles, reaching out to smooth down his hair, not that it does much. "Have you eaten?"

"Not yet," Kuroo answers, leaning into Keiji's touch. "I was going to grab a bite before you came over."

"Hmm, convenience store?" Keiji suggests, pulling his hands away and stepping back.

"Sure, let me just uh-" Kuroo pauses in the hallway. "Wallet. Right."

Watching Kuroo stumble around, still groggy from his nap, easily unknots the ball of nervousness in Keiji's gut. There was nothing to be worried about.

 

After Kuroo came out with only his wallet, then turned back again for his jacket, they set off to the convenience store near Kuroo's flat. On the way there, Kuroo asks about their date, and Keiji tells him about how Koutarou had eaten a significant portion of his main course.

"Awww, Keiji sharing his food!" Kuroo coos. Keiji turns away, chewing on his lip in annoyance.

"I'm never sharing my food again," he mutters bitterly.

When they get to the convenience store, they pick out their food. Keiji picks an onigiri while Kuroo goes for a full bento.

"What a quality date," Keiji comments on the way back. "Going to a convenience store together."

"We could hold hands and make it more romantic," Kuroo suggests, raising an eyebrow.

"No, it's fine," Keiji answers, picking up the pace. It's cold and he just wants to get back to the flat quickly. It's warmer back there and he can have Kuroo to himself without worrying about being in public.

Keiji tries to put a brake on his thoughts there.

 

* * *

 

Kuroo gets up from the couch, picking up his empty bento box and the onigiri's plastic wrapper to dump in the trash. When he returns to his seat, Keiji slides closer so that their legs are touching.

"Keiji?"

Wordlessly, Keiji turns to hug him. Kuroo returns the embrace quietly, wrapping his arms around Keiji and pulling him close.

 _I missed you_ , Keiji wants to say. But there are too many words that follow, so Keiji settles for tightening his hold and sighing into Kuroo's shoulder. It gives off about the same sentiment, anyway.

"Do you want to go to my room?" Kuroo asks, his voice breathy against Keiji's ear.

"Yea," Keiji hums. Reluctantly, he pulls away so Kuroo can get up, and then stumbles into the bedroom after him.

 

It feels like-

It feels like all those _times_.

Another frivolous messing around, another feel-good fuck. Maybe nothing changed after all; maybe Keiji had dreamt it up in a fever dream and he never started dating Kuroo. Maybe he was still pining after Kuroo somewhere, suffocating any shard of hope at anything more -

"Keiji; Keiji, hey." Kuroo was looking at him, concerned.

Keiji's feet won't move pass the doorway.

"You feeling alright? We can stop if you want," Kuroo continues, frowning.

"What are we going to do?" Keiji asks in a quiet voice.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to," Kuroo says quickly, even though he wants Keiji so, so much. "We can just lie down, or we can cuddle if you'd like. Or do you want to...go?"

Kuroo's voice goes soft at the last word, dropping off in a way that sounds more than a little disheartened.

"No I want to stay here," Keiji retorts. "And I want you, too. It just..."

"Just?"

"Feels like we could be doing it for fun again," Keiji continues. "It'll feel good but that's it."

"Keiji, I really like you, and I want you to feel that," Kuroo says firmly. Then he softens and adds, "Koutarou made me feel that way today."

"He made me feel that way too," Keiji breathes, remembering how Koutarou had gazed at him when he talked and then held him carefully when they kissed.

"I'm not sure how good I'll be, but I'll try."

Keiji nods and his feet cross into the bedroom, feeling a different, charged energy from the usual.

 

* * *

 

Minutes later Keiji is on his back against the bed with Kuroo propped up by his elbows above him. They've stopped to stare at each other, at their flushed faces and lips red from kissing. Carefully, Kuroo touches Keiji's face, tracing his cheek and his jaw and then his neck-

Keiji winces as Kuroo's thumb runs over the side of his neck. Belatedly, just as Kuroo starts to realise what it is, Keiji recalls what happened earlier.

"A bite?" Kuroo asks, eyebrows rising.

Keiji turns away, aware of the embarrassment washing over him.

"Koutarou said 'hi'."

Then Kuroo bursts into laughter, but Keiji feels it more than he hears it with the way his body trembles above his.

"Just- shut up," Keiji groans, pulling Kuroo down towards him and raising his hips to grind them together.

The reaction is almost immediate - Kuroo lets out a low groan, rolling his hips against Keiji.

"I want to - can we?" he asks, voice raspy and urgent.

"Mhm," Keiji nods as he reaches down to his pants.

Kuroo kicks off his sweatpants easily, while Keiji takes a while to struggle out of his jeans. While Keiji strips off his pants, Kuroo rummages around in the nightstand drawer.

Keiji shivers when his skin is exposed, and belatedly regrets not turning up the heater. He glances over at Kuroo, chewing his lip, contemplative.

"Sometimes I wish we never did what we did so this could...feel more special."

Kuroo crawls back towards Keiji, settling across from him.

"Sorry, I don't know what I'm saying," Keiji adds quickly.

"Keiji," Kuroo starts slowly, hands tracing up his calves and massaging his knees gently. "How do you feel about me?"

"I...I like you, of course," Keiji answers, head hanging as blood rushes up his neck.

"Then this will feel special, to me," Kuroo finishes.

Keiji looks up and Kuroo is smiling gently at him, a warm and hazy look in his eyes. His chest tightens as his heart thrums against it, burning at his feverish gaze. Slowly, Keiji slides down to rest back against the mattress, spreading his legs for Kuroo. Kuroo settles between his legs, leaving light kisses on his thighs. Carefully, he pulls at Keiji's boxers.

"I'll make you feel good," Kuroo mouths against his skin. Keiji can only whine in response, lifting his hips for Kuroo to remove his boxers completely. Then he's curling his toes as Kuroo takes him in his mouth.

"Fuck..." Keiji groans at the ceiling, throwing his head back as Kuroo sucks him off. He threads his fingers through Kuroo's hair, tugging and pulling as he sighs at the sensation that surrounds him.

Kuroo worked his tongue around Keiji, dragging his lips back and forth across his length. His hands are pressed against Keiji's thighs, holding him as he starts to quiver.

"Hah...ah..." Keiji gives a roll of his hips and feels Kuroo groan in response. Then-

"Seems like you've relaxed," Kuroo says, pulling away from Keiji.

"Huh- what?" Keiji mutters, peering down at his partner.

"Sorry," Kuroo laughs apologetically. Keiji was about to whine when he feels Kuroo's fingers press against his entrance. "Can I?"

Keiji nods, mind still groggy from his attention. Kuroo was right, though. Before that, Keiji had been too alert and nervous, and worried about being able to relax. Now, he wasn't having much of a problem, easily giving in to Kuroo. There was still the usual resistance as Kuroo pushes the first finger in, moving slowly to ease Keiji up. Before long, he was adding a second finger, sliding and curling against Keiji's walls, making him twist and grunt.

"Tetsu- Tetsurou," Keiji groans. "I want you."

Kuroo stills, pausing to take in the sight of Keiji writhing and burning beneath him.

"Feels good?"

"Mhmm," Keiji hums, breathing hard. "I want you to feel good too. I want - _us_ to feel good."

He leans down, pressing their foreheads together.

"I want that too."

Kuroo unrolls the condom over his length, spreading a generous portion of lube over it.

 _I don't want to be selfish,_ Keiji thinks. _I don't want to think about me feeling good from this, when it should be-_

Kuroo presses against his entrance, and then Keiji moans as he enters.

_Both of us._

It's barely his first time, but Keiji doesn't want it to feel like all the other times they've done it. A blank mind, and a numbing orgasm. He wants to hold Kuroo against him and focus on every way they were touching, every nuance of his body instead of turning his eyes away. Instead of thinking that it doesn't really matter who, and blindly chasing after the waves of ecstasy that came at the end.

Keiji rolls his hips and Kuroo moans against his shoulder, a low sound that shudders as it leaves his lips. Then Kuroo starts moving, pulling out and pushing back into Keiji.

"Tetsurou..." Keiji moans as he wraps his arms around Kuroo, fingers digging into his back for support. His body was responding to the sensations in its own way, his back twisting into the mattress and his hips rising to meet Kuroo's. They moved at a languid pace, breathing and sighing against each other's skin. Keiji could feel each of Kuroo's thrusts completely as they drag along inside him, sending low buzzes of pleasure into his gut.

Kuroo grunts, tightening his grip on Keiji's hips and shifting his weight. Then the low buzzes become piercing sparks that chase up his spine as Kuroo starts moving faster, hitting him at a new, more sensitive spot.

"Fuck- aah!" Keiji cries out, buckling his hips to push himself deeper against Kuroo.

"Keiji...god, Keiji," Kuroo mutters, face twisting pleasurably as he fucks Keiji.

Their bodies burn in the places they meet, voices dissolving into incoherent cries as their hands ache in their desperate grip. Keiji doesn't know how he can remember this, when there's so much. Everything from the lewd sounds between their bodies, the creak of the bed as they moved and the haze of their breaths - everything was _them_. God, Keiji couldn't wrap his head around it. But it was better than painting a blank, better than blurring everything into nothing.

Slowly but surely, Keiji could feel his orgasm building up as Kuroo continues fucking him in all the right ways. He matches Kuroo's rhythm with his hips, keening for more, _more -_ until his thighs are quivering and the undeniable high hits him. He cries out, wrapping his legs tight around Kuroo, body shaking as he came. The energy leaves him, as sudden as it had taken over. Kuroo thrusts against him a few more times, hips stuttering and mouth hanging open.

In his daze, Keiji holds Kuroo against him. With Kuroo's mouth against his chest, Keiji feels his quick gasps of air, then a muffled but unmistakable cry of his name.

Somehow, he feels more tired than he used to get.

The weight above him begins to move away and Keiji instinctively tightens his hold.

"Relax," Kuroo laughs lightly. "I'm only going to clean us up."

"Mhm," Keiji hums, releasing his grip.

As promised, Kuroo cleans them up, tossing the used tissues across the room and into the bin. After that was done, he lies down beside Keiji, maneuvering them into a more comfortable position.

Keiji shifts closer to Kuroo's side, turning on his side to face him. In response, Kuroo wraps an arm around him, running his hand up and down his back.

"How do you feel?" He asks.

"Tired," Keiji admits, burying his face into Kuroo's chest.

"Same here," Kuroo replies, shifting to hold Keiji in an embrace. "But does it feel the same?"

With how close he is, pressed against Kuroo's chest, there's a feeling of intimacy they don't usually share. It feels overwhelming; in the way that his chest tightens and makes every beat of his heart louder, every breath sharper. The arms around him are tight and he feels like he might burst; from his thoughts expanding and of being so aware of everything around him.

"No." Keiji's answer comes in a soft whisper, a light exhale against Kuroo's skin. Kuroo seems satisfied with his answer, humming as he rests his head against Keiji's.

With a mellow sort of contentment, Keiji falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've realised I actually raised the chapter count because I wrote _more_ and decided to break it up. So, yeap there'll be another last chapter after this. After a bit of editing it should be up by the end of the month. As usual, thanks for reading.


	18. Distances Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: The New year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter spans the new year that they spend together; a bit late for real time though.

Koutarou is in the kitchen, rummaging through his fridge. Beer - a full pack; should he bring out the sake? It had been a souvenir from someone...Koutarou can't really remember. All Tetsurou had said to him was "bring out all the alcohol!" He wasn't sure if he just meant all the alcohol they had bought for today, or really all the alcohol in his house...

"It's the same program; look! The performances change a bit but I swear they used this stuff last year too!" Tetsurou's voice carries over from the living room.

Keiji's quieter voice responds begrudgingly. Koutarou decides that he'll bring out all the alcohol he can carry.

"Alcohol is here!" He greets loudly, plopping a full pack of beer and a bottle of sake on the coffee table.

"Shouldn't you try to sound more like a bartender?" Tetsurou teases, reaching for a can of beer.

"Sir, your beverages are here."

Keiji glances up from the screen, frowning at Koutarou.

"See! Keiji's looking at me weirdly! Besides, this is my house, why am I serving you!"

Tetsurou barks a laugh, but shifts to make space on the couch. Koutarou grabs a can for himself, plopping down between them.

 

All three of them had decided to skip out on spending the new year eve with their family - Tetsurou couldn't pull himself away from work, Koutarou's mum wasn't even in the country and Keiji preferred not to spend the new years travelling around. Still, Tetsurou sends a gift to his mum, Koutarou calls both of his parents and Keiji sends his family a new years card, promising to visit properly when it was less busy. Some of their friends were throwing new year eve parties, but the three of them collectively decided that it would be good for them to spend the time together.

So after some arrangements, they decide to crash at Koutarou's house.

 

"This year has been a lot, huh?" Tetsurou remarks, staring wistfully at the ceiling.

"Getting sentimental already?" Keiji teases.

"Hey, it's the last day of the year! Give me a break," Tetsurou retorts, sinking lower into his seat.

"I'm glad we're still together," Koutarou says.

Tetsurou casts a glance at him.

"Yea, I am too."

He doesn't want to imagine what it would have been like if they had really fought and never made up, or if he had just avoided them and they never spoke again.

"I'm relieved that everything turned out okay, no- _good_. And I am so glad that-" Keiji pauses as his voice freezes up, choked up in his throat. Memories from the past months resurface, rather involuntarily, and as much as he hates to admit it, what he felt from then hasn't dulled one bit. He won't forget the way Koutarou crumbled and he won't forget the tired and defeated look on Tetsurou's face. But he won't-

"And you called me sentimental." Tetsurou laughs without malice as Keiji leans into Koutarou's side.

"I don't want to hurt either of you ever again."

"Me neither," Koutarou agrees, tightening his grip on Keiji's shoulder.

"I think we can all agree on that," Tetsurou surmises with a small smile.

 

The rest of the evening is mostly uneventful. Tetsurou finally agrees on a channel, saying that their music 'sucks the least' and allows it to play in the background. Koutarou talks the most, as usual, bickering with Tetsurou while Keiji watches them, amused. Near the end of the night, they're all a little drunk - Koutarou already red in the face while Tetsurou won't stop running his tongue. Keiji starts to feel light-headed too but he keeps it to himself. It's more fun to watch them this way, loose and uninhibited. In a way, Keiji feels as if they've each laid their flaws before each other.

When the countdown starts, Koutarou breaks off in the middle of their chatter and calls Keiji to join them.

"Ten! Nine! Eight!"

Koutarou's voice is loud in his ear, bursting with an infectious energy.

"Five! Four! Three!"

Tetsurou is grinning, face-flushed as he shouts along.

"One!"

Choruses of 'happy new year's break out in the room. Keiji is pulled into a tight embrace and kissed on the cheek.

He smiles and mutters his own well wishes back at the two.

 

"Hey um, how sleepy are both of you?" Tetsurou asks.

"I think I could stay up for another hour or two," Keiji answers. He would probably sleep well if he went to bed now, but he also wanted to spend more time with both of them.

"I'm too happy to sleep!" Koutarou responds, jumping off the couch to make his statement.

"Right." Tetsurou laughs into his hand. "We're both staying over?"

He looks to Keiji, who nods.

"That was the plan."

"Then, I want to...try something."

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou leads them to the bedroom, letting his actions speak for his mind. He doesn't want to rush things or force them, but he knows the new year will be busy for all of them, and he doesn't know when they can get time like this again. He had sobered down a bit from before, but the little bit of liquid courage in his gut pushes him past his nagging hesitation.

"If either of you want to stop, just say so, alright?" Tetsurou looks between the two of them.

They nod, giving their consent.

 

Keiji is the first to settle on the bed, sitting cross-legged on the mattress. Koutarou rummages through his drawers, returning with items that he leaves at the bedside. Tetsurou moves to sit at the edge of the bed, glancing between the two as he begins to feel uncertain. It was only when Koutarou plops down on the bed between them that Tetsurou is startled out of his daze.

"Why do you look so worried? We should just do what we want to do, right?" Koutarou says, nudging Tetsurou playfully.

Before he can retort, Koutarou pulls him in for a kiss. It starts gentle, as it usually does, Koutarou pressing his lips against Tetsurou's in soft pecks - then as Tetsurou kisses back, Koutarou tugs their bodies closer and kisses him harder. Keiji watches from where he's sitting, feeling an odd sensation stirring in his gut. He feels like he's watching some sloppy makeout on tv, but this was more... _intimate_. Cautiously, he moves towards them until he was close to enough to nudge them with his knee.

They break apart immediately, turning to stare at Keiji as they catch their breaths.

"You wanna be kissed too?" Tetsurou asks, raising an eyebrow.

Running his eyes over their bodies, Keiji notes the way their muscles move under their shirts with each rise and fall of their chests.

"First," he starts, reaching for the hem of Koutarou's shirt. "Both of you should take your shirts off."

Koutarou grins, apparently eager to be shirtless. He pulls of his shirt easily, slipping it over his head like a practiced motion. Keiji has to resist swooning at his toned chest, muscles that he had been working on since high school days. Meanwhile, Tetsurou struggles with his shirt, getting his arms and head stuck in it. His stomach ends up exposed to the both of them; he was still tan and on the lean side but noticeably _not as toned as before_.

"Fuck, it's hard to burn the midnight oil without midnight snacks, alright!" Tetsurou yells as soon as he pulls off his shirt, visibly affronted.

Koutarou giggles, patting Tetsurou on the back.

"Anyway, should Keiji really be keeping his clothes on?" Tetsurou says quickly, redirecting their attention to the fully-dressed individual.

With a sudden burst of confidence that might be the lingering alcohol in his system, Keiji leans back, stretching to rest his legs in their laps. Thrown with an invitation like that, they quickly crawl towards Keiji, hands roaming over and under his clothes as they kiss up his skin. Keiji responds, body keening as they kissed and held him. Tetsurou kisses him on the neck, biting and sucking on the sensitive skin as his hands roam under his shirt. Koutarou has his hands around Keiji's hips, holding him down as he trails kisses down his stomach.

"Ah...mhmm..." Keiji groans, lifting his arms over his head as Tetsurou pulls off his shirt.

"Keiji, can I?" Koutarou asks, nuzzling his cheek against his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch.

"Yea." Keiji breathes, raising his hips for Koutarou to guide his pants and boxers off his hips.

Part of him felt utterly embarrassed at being laid out before his two boyfriends, body flushing as they kissed him with their warm mouths. Another part of him loved that they were together like this - that they both wanted to be here and wanted him. He squeezes his eyes shut, losing himself to the warm mouth sucking on his collarbone and the gentle lips kissing up his thigh.

"Hah- ah I..." Keiji twists and groans. What they were doing to him felt good, but it just wasn't - _enough_.

"You want more?" Tetsurou asks, breath ticklish against his ear.

Keiji nods, humming in response. Then he feels Tetsurou draw away, so he eases his eyes open. He had reached for the lube Koutarou had left at the bedside, and was now slicking up both his own and Koutarou's fingers. Keiji inhales deeply and sinks back against the mattress. He was shaking, just a little.

"You alright, Keiji?" Koutarou's concerned voice asked as Keiji feels his finger circle around his entrance.

"I'm good," Keiji says quickly.

After that Keiji feels the first finger - Koutarou's, pushing into him. He moves slowly, stroking Keiji gently as he got used to it. Then he's joined by a second finger - Kuroo's. He slides in beside Koutarou's before moving in tandem to ease up Keiji. As he felt his body relax, Keiji starts pushing his hips against their fingers, groaning as they pressed inside of him. His boyfriends were grunting too, slipping garbled comments about how hot he was - it nearly drove Keiji up the wall.

But he clung onto the bit of coherent thought he still owned.

"W-wait," Keiji chokes out. "Let's switch."

He had thought about it; thought that it should go this way. He casts a look at Tetsurou, hoping he was on the same wavelength, or could at least grasp where he was coming from. Then he turns to Koutarou.

"Koutarou, you switch with me."

Koutarou blinks, perplexed. He continues to look between them until Tetsurou gives him a playful shove. With that, he obliges, laying down against the bed while Keiji takes his place. He wondered what they were going to do, feeling half fearful but half eager.

"We'll make you feel good," Keiji says with a coy smile.

Koutarou watches them share a kiss before Tetsurou is moving to Koutarou's side, peppering his stomach, chest and neck with kisses. Keiji tugs at Koutarou's pants, easing the elastic of his sweatpants and boxers over his hips and legs, pulling them off and kicking them to a corner of the bed.

"Mhm..." Koutarou groans, body keening as Keiji wraps a hand around his length, sluggishly jerking him. Meanwhile, Tetsurou moves up from his neck, kissing at his jaw before locking lips with Koutarou.

As they kissed, Koutarou is vaguely aware of how he was growing harder. God, they were doing so much for him and he kind of _really_ loved it. Tetsurou kissed deeply against his mouth while Keiji worked up Koutarou's arousal.

It shouldn't be a surprise to himself that he was struggling to catch his breath when Tetsurou pulled away. At this point he was so hard it was starting to hurt, and he just wanted them - Keiji or Tetsurou, it didn't really matter.

"I want- aah please..." Koutarou pleaded, rolling his hips. He hears a huff of laughter at his side, and Tetsurou kisses him gently on the cheek. There's some more rustling as Keiji unwraps a condom, rolling it over his length. Then Koutarou watches, unabashed and wide-eyed as Keiji slicks him up before crawling on top of him and guiding his cock into his ass.

Koutarou groans when Keiji sinks onto him, the latter echoing with a loud, lewd moan of his own. As their bodies settle against each other, Koutarou takes a moment to admire the sight of Keiji above him - hands splayed on his stomach and hips pushed against his own. His eyes are glazed over, hazy even as they try to focus on Koutarou. Then his attention is pulled back to Tetsurou, who is leaning over him, kissing up his sternum, seeming intent on marking every inch of his chest. With the both of them focused on him, Tetsurou's breath hot against his skin and Keiji tight around his cock, Koutarou almost feels dizzy.

Then Keiji starts to move, and Koutarou quickly loses it.

"Ah- Keiji..." He slips his fingers into Tetsurou's hair, tugging at the dark strands as he moans.

Tetsurou groans under his hand, a guttural hum rumbling through his chest. Keiji continues moving, lifting and sinking his hips onto Koutarou's cock.

"Koutarou... fuck!" Lewd moans broke from Keiji's lips as he rode Koutarou, fucking himself hard even as his thighs quivered and shook.

Koutarou groans at the sensation, buckling his hips to reach Keiji. In the midst of it all - the sounds of their bodies moving together, the smell of sex and the sweat beading under his hands; Tetsurou can't help turning his head to peek at Keiji. His mouth was moving with unintelligible syllables, eyes fluttering as they grew unfocused. Keiji's chest glistened with sweat and the muscles in his thighs strained as he rocked his hips against Koutarou where they- _God,_ they were so hot. As he watched their debauched forms, Tetsurou couldn't help slipping a hand under himself.

When Keiji slowly sends Koutarou over the edge, Tetsurou tightens his grip around Koutarou. It was oddly comforting, to have an anchor where he was losing himself. Koutarou pulls his arms around Tetsurou, fingers tangling in his hair and nails digging into skin. A few more pumps of Keiji's hips, deep thrusts that pleasured Koutarou like nothing else, and he was shaking as his orgasm overwhelmed him.

Tetsurou held him, rubbing over his back as Koutarou's body moved with his whims, twisting and keening before finally falling back against the bed. Keiji groans, hips stuttering as his body slumped forward.

It took them a while to come down from their high; even Tetsurou had squeezed his eyes shut as a wetness covered his hands.

"That was...good." Koutarou is the first to speak, forming words between thick, heavy breaths.

"Yea," Tetsurou mutters, shifting to make space for Keiji as he climbed off of Koutarou.

"Mhmm." There was only a soft hum of agreement from Keiji as he plops down beside Koutarou, curling up against his side.

 

For a few minutes there was silence, punctuated by the rhythm of their breaths as their bodies cooled down. Just as Koutarou starts to wonder if any of them would want a shower, Keiji speaks up.

"When are you leaving again?"

It doesn't register at first, and Koutarou almost wonders why Keiji would throw him a question from left-field. Then he remembers.

"I'll be here until the end of the month."

New years; visiting friends and family, gathering with Fukurodani, and then it's back to training, and matches. Usually, Koutarou is more excited about playing more games, eager to go further and climb higher to places he'd never been before - than to miss family, friends and his home back in Japan. But now he-

"We'll wait for you to get back." Tetsurou says. "So you better go over there and have a blast."

"And don't think about unnecessary things," Keiji adds. "We want you now, and we'll still want you later."

Koutarou closes his eyes, letting the words sink into his head. When he finally opens them again, he thinks he has them in a safe place.

"So demanding," he huffs, smiling. "Want souvenirs too?"

Keiji smiles into his shoulder, while Tetsurou laughs.

"Of course!"

Maybe after this they'll go to the shrine, and maybe they'll get their luck drawn. Getting 'good luck' or 'great luck' doesn't really matter when they're not chasing the what-ifs, not anymore. Something as fickle as luck never had much of a place between them, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was the last chapter. I'm kind of relived that it's done, really. This fic ended up stretching...way longer than I intended. Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading, especially to the end. I hope you enjoyed it, even if I winged it with a half-formed plot and couldn't check my grammar to save my life.
> 
> I'd still like to continue writing fics, though I'd probably take some time to get my bearings again. When I do manage to write something new, I hope that you'll enjoy reading it as well! In the meantime, you can find me on [tumblr](http://afterhoursfiction.tumblr.com), if you'd like.


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